Unexpected Changes
by hiimkyra
Summary: Jenna Reid, age 15, has been living with her neglectful aunt and uncle since her father left and her mother committed suicide 9 years ago. After a tragic car accident, Jenna is left an orphan once again. When her father is nowhere to be found, Jenna is forced to live with her brother, Spencer Reid, who never knew she existed.
1. Chapter 1

Unexpected Changes

Summary: Jenna Reid, age 15, has been living with her neglectful aunt and uncle since her father left and her mother committed suicide 9 years ago. After a tragic car accident, Jenna is left an orphan once again. When her father is nowhere to be found, Jenna is forced to live with her brother, Spencer Reid, who never knew she existed. Summary sucks, please read on! Going off season 3

Authors note: Hi! So this is my first fan fic (writing one that is) so please bare with me. I would love some feedback from you guys (if anyone is even reading this). I'm sorry if it sucks, but as I said, this is my first fic so yeah. Please review!

Chapter 1

It was a dreary August morning when I got the phone call that would forever change my life. What phone call, you ask? The phone call telling me the only two people in my life that may as well just be strangers left me stranded, again.

For the past 9 years, I've been living with my Aunt Joanne and my Uncle Chris in Baltimore, Maryland . They opened up a law firm when I was eight and have worked seventy-plus hours a week since. Needless to say, I don't see them very often. Most people my age would kill to have their parents leave them alone, but they have no idea what it's like to have your so called 'care takers' not even acknowledge your existence. Given that, I've become almost entirely independent. I wash my own clothes, cook my own meals, clean the house, do the grocery shopping, and somehow fit in school, play rehearsal and my weekly babysitting job. I don't have many friends, or any for that matter, so I don't have to worry about a social life. I kind of like being alone, it makes things simple. There's no drama, no fights, and no one to criticize you. But of course I always have my mind to deal with. Constantly trying to fight away the bad stuff has gotten too difficult, so I've become a big walking aura of negativity. As you can probably tell, my life is less than thrilling.

To bring this tangent to a close, two weeks ago my Aunt Joanne and Uncle Chris got into a fatal car accident on their way home from work. They were hit by a drunk driver and were killed on impact. I know I should be all broken up about this, but honestly I couldn't be happier. I know I sound like a terrible person, but I was trapped in this redundant, miserable excuse of a life with family that couldn't care less about me. I would go more into detail about what went on when they did notice me, but I'm not quite ready yet. Child Protective Services has been trying to get in touch with my dad, but they've had no such luck. When he left me and my mom I guess he was serious about never wanting to see us again. So, due to that, I'm being placed with my only other family: my brother. His name is Spencer, and he works for the FBI in Quantico Virginia. I'm not 100% sure what he does there, but frankly I'm not sure what he's like at all. To be honest, I don't even think he knows I exist. Before dad left, he used to tell me stories about his 'old family'. He showed me pictures, tapes, and even of Spencer, but never any of his ex-wife. He never told me much about her at all actually, only Spencer. If my calculations are correct, he should be 26 years old.

Tomorrow, I move one state over and into Spencer's apartment. I wonder what he's like. If he likes to read, or if he's as into theatre as I am. Maybe even share the same dislike for bread, or strong love for black coffee. When I think about it, I'm moving in with a complete stranger. I'm not sure if I should be happy or scared as hell. Will he like me? Will he think I'm just an inconvenience? Well, I know I sure do feel like one.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Hey! So sorry if the first chapter was blah, I had some trouble establishing things. I'm also very new at uploading them, so sorry if there are some kinks I have to work out. Also, I'm sorry it's so short, but I'll be posting the next chapter within the hour. Anyway, here's chapter 2!

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds! I do own Jenna though and any other OC's that may be developed throughout this story

Chapter 2

Whoever said packing was easy clearly never had to cram all of their belongings into two suitcases and a single 24'' by 25'' cardboard box. I of course left it until the last possible second to do, but I think we can look past that. Somehow, I fit all 200 of my most beloved books into that flimsy box. I must say, for the limited amount of space I was given, I did pretty damn good.

After I finished packing the past 15 years of my life away, I realized it was nearly 2 o'clock in the morning. I had the apartment to myself for the next seven and a half hours until I was shipped off to a complete stranger. I sat in the middle of my now vacant room and reached into my small canvas back pack. After fishing around for a few seconds, I pulled out a pack of Marlbro Black Menthols. I had been saving them for an emergency, and this most defiantly categorized as one. I brought the cigarette to my mouth and lit the tobacco filled tube with my dad's old Nirvana zippo. He originally left the lighter for my mother, but after she died it 'slipped' into my Aunts purse and I stole it years later. I closed my eyes and filled my lungs with the strong smoke and stood up. Exhaling, I began to walk around the room I could call mine for the next seven hours and twenty five minutes. The blank yellow walls looked especially hideous under the artificial lighting. I paced over to the window and crawled out onto the fire escape. The faint scent of car fumes and garbage in the Baltimore air was even smelled from the 18th floor. You would think I would have a thousand emotions racing throughout my body, bashing into each other and scurrying around, but no, I didn't. I didn't feel anything actually.

After watching the calm city for about ten minutes, I lit another cigarette.

I was particularly warm, and my long sleeves weren't exactly helping. I rolled up the black fabric, exposing the scars on my forearm I created over the past 4 years. I ran my fingers over the newly formed lines of pink skin. _"Will Spencer think I'm crazy?" _I thought to myself. _"Well, I am"_ shortly followed. I gazed at my now short cigarette, and pressed it against my wrist. _"The average cigarette burns at 420 degrees Fahrenheit"_ I said to myself. Talking to myself; that's something I had to stop. Spencer would definitely think I was out of my mind if he heard the words I say to myself. My eyes started to get heavy, so I retreated back into my bedroom.

I poised myself in the middle of my bare mattress, switched off the light, and waited for the night to be over.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hello again! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it honestly means so much. So now, Jenna will start her journey. Well kind of. I PROMISE it will pick up next chapter, which will probably be posted later. Enjoy!

As we know, I do not own Criminal Minds *sigh*

Chapter 3

I woke up to the same four walls for the very last time. My internal clock woke me up at 7:30AM, which gave me two hours before my caseworker picked me up and took me to Virginia. My sight blurry, I grabbed my black glasses and headed for the bathroom.

After a nice long shower, I had exactly an hour and a half to make myself look presentable. I rummaged through my suitcase and completely drew a blank. I soon settled with a casual long sleeved A-line black dress. My legs felt bare so I threw on a pair of black textured tights and pulled the outfit together with a pair of black and white Oxfords. Looking in the mirror, I noticed how tiny I was. I never had a large appetite, and I guess it really shows.

I was never one to wear makeup, or even do my hair for that matter, so I had a solid hour until I departed on my journey. I wandered through the empty rooms of the tiny apartment and found myself in the kitchen. The only appliance left was the coffee machine, and right now that was all I needed. I brewed a single cup and added eight sugars. I always loved the bitter and sweet contrast it provided. It reminded me of the mornings when my father would wake up for work and I would come rushing down the stairs just to watch him interact with himself. To me, people are purest in the morning. You are the most potent form of yourself. You have not stepped out into the world and poisoned yourself with the influence of those around you. You haven't had the chance to screw anything up. You haven't had the opportunity to ingest any mind altering chemicals. You are you.

As I sipped my coffee, all I could think about was how awesome it would taste if I had a cigarette. Of course I couldn't reek of smoke when I met my brother for the first time, so that was out of the question. I pushed myself up onto the granite counter top and sat down. I felt the sudden need to swing my legs, but that only resulted on me bashing into the cabinets below me. I looked at the clock: twenty minutes until my departure. Had it really been forty minutes? I looked down and my mug was empty. Damn, I really know how to pass the time.

I ditched the cup in the sink and walked back into my room. I gathered my packed items and placed them by the front door so I could leave immediately. I looked at myself in the mirror for one last time. My dirty-blonde hair cascaded down to my waist, creating tousled waves. My glasses blocked my deep blue eyes, which was a shame because they were my best feature. I was strangely pale, given that it was the beginning of August. I don't go outside very often, so I guess that has something to do with it. I sometimes wondered if people could tell that this small body held so many big secrets, that this small body endured more than those forty years it's senior. Then, the buzzer rang.

I jogged over to the front door and swung it open.

"_Hi little Miss Jenna! Ready to go?"_ said my caseworker Carla. She was my caseworker when I was orphaned the first time. She's a very sweet woman, but she talked to me like I was seven.

"_Yes, I'm ready." _

And with that, I pulled my luggage out into the hallway and shut the door.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hello my faithful readers! So as promised, the story is going to pick up. Please tell me what you think! Enjoy!

Nope, still don't own Criminal Minds.

Chapter 4

Finally, after nearly two hours in the car with Carla and motion sickness, we arrived at the door of Spencer's apartment. I was looking at the ground nervously, rocking back and forth on my heels. This was it. I was about to meet my 'long lost brother' who I knew absolutely nothing about. What was I doing? I should have run away, gone to live on my own. Then I wouldn't have to worry about getting in other peoples way or being a burden. Jeez I was stupid.

Almost immediately after Carla knocked on the door, Spencer swung the door open. I looked up at him, startled, and couldn't believe what I saw.

It was like looking in a mirror. Well, we had different colored eyes and hair, but looked identical. He was tall, and lanky. His hair was a bit darker than mine, and ended just below his ear. He was very jumpy, and his eyes kept darting around avoiding any contact. He was all around awkward.

"_Oh! Um, hi Carla. Uh you must be Jenna! I'm uhm Sp-Spencer" _Spencer stuck out his hand nervously. I couldn't help but giggle at how anxious he was.

"_Hi" _I said while shaking his painfully clammy hand.

"_Oh here, w-why don't you two come in"_

Spencer escorted us through a short hallway and into a small living room. in the living room sat a tan suede couch, a black leather recliner, and s glass coffee table in front of a 40 inch television. I sat down on the soft couch and began to take in the room. He seemed to have a substantial amount of DVD's, what looked like multiple seasons of different television shows. I couldn't see the print on them, but I recognized the _Star Trek _case instantly.

"_I'll let you two get acquainted while I make sure the apartment is in good shape"_ Carla announced and walked out of site.

"_So um, how was the ride over here?"_

"_Alright I guess, I just a little motion sick"_

"_Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Did you know that_ _Women are more than twice as likely to be affected as men? And children between 3 and 12 years are also disproportionately prone to motion sickness. According to a new survey by the RAC Foundation in the UK more than three quarters of travelers claim they have been motion sick, doctors even estimate motion sickness effects up to 80 per cent of all people at some time." _

I looked at Spencer quizzically.

"_How did you know that? Are you a genius or something?" _I giggled, not expecting what came next

"_Actually I have eidetic memory and an IQ of 187, so yes, I am a genius. Would you like anything to drink? Coffee? Wait maybe you like tea better. I also have water and juice if you don't drink hot beverages." _

Absolutely baffled, I just stared. He said that in the least conceded way possible. He stated it as if it was nothing. _How was I suppose to compete with that?_

"_Yes, I'll have some coffee please. Black is fine."_

Spencer and I walked into the kitchen and I sat down at the small breakfast table as I waited for my coffee. A couple minutes later Spencer placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of me and sat on the opposite side of the table. As I was about to open my mouth, Carla waltzed into the room.

"_Everything seems great! Jenna, can I talk with Spencer privately for a moment? We just need to go over a few things before I leave"_

"_Oh, okay. I'll be in the living room" _

I felt strange being in there alone, even though it was technically my home now. I decided to take a book out of my canvas bag and start reading. I was about half way through The Stranger Beside Me by Anne Rule. The book is a biography of the famous serial killer Ted Bundy, and his life from beginning to end. I find the mind of killers to be incredibly intriguing. The way their brain works and why they do what they do is flat out fascinating. Spencer would probably think I'm crazy if he ever heard me say that, most people do.

"_Make sure she takes her anti-depressants. They're also for her brain condition and insomnia, so she normally doesn't have a problem with that". _The piercing sound of Carla's voice penetrated my ears like glass. _Why would she tell him that? What business does she have telling him my personal information? I should be able to tell him that on my own time, not when she feels is necessary._

I closed my book just in time for Carla and Spencer to enter the room. Carla said her goodbyes and left me and Spencer alone in the apartment. We sat in silence for about five minutes until Spencer spoke up.

"_Would you like me to show you to your room? I already put your bags in there, I hope you don't mind"_

"_Oh, sure."_

I followed Spencer down another hallway and stopped at the end. He pushed open the door and let me walk into the room before him. The walls were bare white. The room was a decent size, but not as big as my old one. A full sized bed sat against a window that overlooked a small street with a few shops. There was a simple black comforter and pillow case on the bed, which I absolutely adored. There was a white double dresser on the opposite wall with a large mirror attached. Everything was blank. Everything.

"_It's not much, but I thought I would give you the option to decorate it as you pleased. If you'd like we can look at paint swatches tomorrow and pick up a few things for the walls"_

Spencer seemed really sweet. I was glad he left the decorating to me, that way I can make it feel like home, whatever home is.

"_That sounds fun, I'd like that"_ I said with a wide grin. Spencer just nodded with a smile and walked out of the room. I sat down on the bed, cracked open my book, and read.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Hello again! I would first like to thank you for reading and reviewing. Also, if you guys have any suggestions you would like me to take into consideration, please do share! I'm going to be updating every Saturday and Sunday most definitely, but I will also update at random points during the week. So anyway, here's chapter 5!

Chapter 5

I spent the entire next morning in my lifeless bedroom. I figured I wouldn't unpack, since I would be gutting the entire room anyway. I'm not sure Spencer knew what to do with me. We didn't speak since my arrival, and I only emerged from my bed to use the bathroom. I stayed curled up under the covers for hours and hours, letting everything sink in. I didn't really feel much. Given the situation, you would think I would have been going out of my mind, but I wasn't. I guess you could say I went numb.

Spencer knocked on my door around noon. Less than thrilled to engage in human interaction, I stumbled across my room and opened the plain white door.

"Oh- I'm sorry, d-did I wake you?" Spencer said, refusing to make eye contact. I don't understand why he won't look at me. Even though I have only known him for a little less than 24 hours, I feel like I can't get his full attention. That's one thing we'll have to work on.

"No no no, I've been awake for a about a half an hour" I didn't want to say I had really been up for four hours; I didn't want him to think I was avoiding him.

"Oh, okay. Anyway, I was going to go to the grocery store and wanted to know if you'd like to come. I don't really know what you like to eat so I'd like your input"

"Uhm, sure. Would it be okay if I grabbed a quick shower first?"

"That's fine. We'll leave in about an hour, is that enough time?"

"Yeah, see ya then" I nodded and closed the door. I was surprisingly nervous for this trip. I'm not a big food person, and my pallet is very small.

I grabbed my toiletries and walked across the hall into the bathroom. It was a decent size, especially for such a small apartment. The walls were a light gray with white marble countertops and silver faucets. The white tiled floor had not a speck of dirt or dust to be found. I pushed aside the sliding glass door to the shower and turned on the hot water. The scolding liquid eased my muscles oh-so gently, though the water nearly burned my skin. I washed my hair and body immediately. After that I just stood there, water beating down on my bare back. That's when it hit me. I'm living with a complete stranger because the rest of my family either died or didn't want me. I just moved to a different state, and will be attending a completely different high school in the fall. For the first time in weeks, I cried. Within three seconds I was uncontrollably sobbing. Everything that had happened in the past three weeks flooded my mind. Every move I make comes with complications. I wasn't sure if my face stung because of my facial scrub or because I was crying so hard. My knees felt week so I decided to sit at the bottom on the tub. I took the remainder of my shower to calm down. I had been crying so hard I didn't realize that thirty minutes had past. I stood up and stopped the flow of water, slightly disappointed it had to end. I dried myself off and headed for my bedroom.

I cursed under my breath for not unpacking my clothes. Rummaging through two suitcases to find an outfit was not my idea of fun. I ended up wearing a medium blue button down under a tan sweater with four cream colored stripes across the bust. I settled on my favorite black leggings and a pair of tall brown lace up boots. I braided my damp hair, threw on my glasses, and journeyed into the kitchen.

Spencer was nowhere to be found, so I walked over to the half-empty coffee pot and poured myself a cup. I wasn't sure which mug Spencer would be okay with me using, so I grabbed a plain green mug I found at the back of the cabinet. I leaned against the beige counter and took in the smell of my first cup of coffee in my new life. My thoughts were soon interrupted by Spencer walking into the room.

"Hey, ready to go soon?" Spencer said, tugging at his shirt. He was wearing a light blue button down and a gray cardigan with a dark blue tie along with a pair of khaki pants.

"Yeah, I'm almost done with my coffee. I hope its okay I took some"

"Of course it is; you do live here after all. Carla called and asked if you took your medication" The moment those words left Spencer's mouth, I froze. _We've lived together for 24 hours and he's already on my case about this?_

"Yeah, yeah I took my medication" My voice barely made a sound. I prefer not to talk to strangers about my personal issues.

"Okay. How about we get going?"

I nodded as I swallowed my last gulp of coffee and placed my mug in the sink. I followed Spencer out the door and down the stairs. I didn't ask why we didn't take the elevator, although I found it a bit strange since we lived on the seventh floor. We walked through the lobby down another flight of stairs to the parking garage. About twenty feet later, I climbed into the passenger seat of Spencer's 1985 blue Volvo. It was the epitome of a clunker. The interior smelled like old books. The gray suede seats were worn down a bit stained, along with the carpet. The radio seemed as if it had just been replaced, and in the middle consul was an assortment of CD's. I soon learned they were all Mozart and Bach. I'm not particularly into classical music, but I'm sure I could adapt. We were silent for about five minutes when Spencer finally spoke up.

"So, what do you like to for fun?" I internally giggled at how lame the question was. He flashed me a nervous smile while waiting for me to answer.

"Well, I read a lot. I'm also very fond of writing. I listen to music of course; mostly classic rock, alternative, general rock, and show tunes. I use to dance also. Above all of that is musical theatre though."

"Musical theatre? What musicals have you participated in? Did you know that western musical theatre emerged during the 19th century, culminating with the works of Gilbert and Sullivan in Britain and those of Harrigan and Hart in America? They were also followed by the numerous Edwardian musical comedies and the musical theatre works of many American creators. The art of plays and opera's although originate in ancient Greece. Workers would build huge amphitheatres and fill them with thousands of people while actors preformed various comedies and tragedies." Spencer's face lit up as he went on and on with endless information. I appreciated it none the less.

"Actually, yes, I did know that" I said with a giggle and a slight smile "As far as roles go, I've played Little Red Riding Hood in my schools production of Into the Woods; Anita in West Side Story; and Svetlana in Chess. I've done other shows as well, but I was either in the ensemble or a featured dancer."

"Oh, that's really nice. I did research on a few of those musicals; you must be really good to have gotten those rolls at this age" It was true, I was really good. I don't mean to sound cocky, I'm just being honest. The stage is where my only confidence lye's.

"I'm okay I guess. I work really hard and it pays off."

"I'll have to take your word for it. You said you were a dancer, what kind of dance?"

"Jazz, contemporary, lyrical, ballet, and pointe."

"Wow, that's a lot, you had time for in your schedule?"

"No actually, I had to quit about 8 months ago because it was too much. It nearly broke my heart."

"Oh. Well would you like to start again?" He said, glancing at me with a slightly warm smile. I'm not sure he knew what he was offering. Dance is an expensive sport that takes a lot of commitment.

"That's really nice of you. That would be great" I all of a sudden felt a lot more comfortable with him. I'm not sure how long that would last though, given we haven't had enough time to really _know _each other.

"Great. We'll start looking at studios later today" Spencer smiled at me and brought the car to a stop.

We walked into the grocery store and were met with more silence. Spencer was pushing the cart and I was trailing next to it. We swerved through isle after isle, without exchanging words. Spencer put various items in the cart, like sugar and eggs and such, but I was too uncomfortable to pick anything up. I think Spencer could tell because I seemed very reluctant and indecisive. "If it would make you feel more comfortable you could grab a basket and shop on your own" I was jumping with joy inside. I agreed and went on my way.

First I picked up caramel rice cakes. It sounds lame but they are the basis of my diet. I figured I needed some form of nutrition, so I grabbed a few peaches, strawberries, and a small package of raspberries. Nothing else really appealed to me, but I decided to throw in some sugar free jello just because.

I met up with Spencer soon after I finished and placed the items in the cart. He barely gave them a glace, so I was pretty much in the clear. We then check out, got in the car, and headed home.

The car ride was, to no surprise, noiseless. When we got back to the apartment, we took the grocery bags out of the trunk and headed inside. I assumed we would take the elevator, since we had grocery bags to carry, but no, we took the stairs. This left me even more puzzled than before.

After entering the apartment and putting away the newly bought food, I retreated into my bedroom. Astonishing, right?

I spent the next few hours alternating between reading, and online shopping. When my mother died I was left a large sum of money, but three fourths of it was put into a trust fund I can't touch until I turn 18. The rest, however, I was given full access to. That, plus the money I got from my aunt and uncles death, including money I worked for, I was pretty well off. Around 7pm, there was a knock at my door.

"Hey, I remembered what you said about dance earlier and I found a studio that's just around the corner actually. Sign up is still available, and fall classes start in a week or two. If you want we can go to sign you up now then grab dinner"

I was shocked. He followed through. No adult has ever kept their word when it came to me. He barely knows me and is already catering to my whim. I smiled idiotically and said "That would be great, Spencer." and with that, we were on our way.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Hello again! Thank you so much for the reviews, keep em' coming! So this chapter will focus mainly on Jenna and dance, and possibly the team. Enjoy!

Chapter 6

I spent the entire next week a nervous wreck. I dug out my old leotards and various shoes and worked my butt off practicing my turns and stretching out my muscles. I was most horrified to put on my pointe shoes. Eight months off of pointe, my toes may as well just break themselves. They sat in the back of my closet mocking me for days. Finally, after day 5, I slipped the worn satin shoes over my bear feet, cringing at the thought of ingrown toenails and callused feet. I warmed up with a simple releve, instantly remembering the time I was forced to break in new shoes without toe pads. It was around 1am, and my room was carpeted, so I figured it was safe to go into the kitchen to practice my pirouettes. I peaked my head out into the hallway to make sure Spencer was in his room. His door was opened whenever he wasn't in it, but at the moment it was closed so I assumed he went to bed.

I brought along my full length mirror so I could critique my form if needed. I leaned the mirror against the refrigerator, and began my pirouettes. They soon advanced into fouette's, which I was very proud of nailing right off the bat. I ended up stumbling when I heard the rustling of blankets followed by a yawn. I grabbed the mirror and quietly paced through the living room, finding Spencer passed out on the couch with a manila folder spread across his chest, and multiple scattered around the coffee table. I placed the mirror down and sat down next to the couch. I was genuinely curious about the contents of the folders, I mean what harm can come from a little peak?

Well, apparently a lot of harm can be done by even a slight glace. Within the small, generic folders was a series of mutilated bodies. Cut up, dismembered, blood covered bodies. I was so disgusted I could feel my stomach turning, which was a feeling I was all too familiar with. As atrocious as the pictures were, there was something intriguing about them. The fact that a person, _a human being_, was the cause of this was mind boggling. I wondered what was going through the killers mind when he committed the murders. I wondered what his childhood was like, if he was abused, or even neglected. My eyes floated to a typed report opposite the pictures. The killer supposedly kidnapped 20-25 year old dark haired women and kept them as his slave for weeks. After he got tired of them, he would butcher them beyond recognition. Judging from the state of the body, I never would have guessed the image was of a woman.

My eyes soon grew heavy, but I couldn't peel them away. I kept reading and reading until I ran out of files. There was so much death, so much evil. It was incredibly fascinating, yet a tad bit frightening. I've always been aware of the capabilities of man, but seeing it made everything more real.

I found myself dozing off at three minute intervals. It was then that I looked at the clock and discovered I had been sitting there for the better half of three hours. I wasn't surprised; my time conception was absolutely terrible. I stood up, grabbed the mirror, and ventured back into my bedroom, tripping over myself like a drunken teenager. I entirely forgot I was wearing my toe shoes, so maybe that had something to do with it.

I hung my mirror up in its place a changed into pajama shorts and a University of Maryland t-shirt. I crawled into bed, warmth surrounding my tiny frame. My body temperature was always abnormally low, so I'm pretty much the only person I know that is in constant need of blankets, sweaters and jackets. The moonlight shined through my window and cast a glow on my blank walls. I had feeling that they would never end up getting painted, and began to think about what I could do to spice them up. Over the years I've acquired a fair share of posters and news articles I was fond of, even poems and book excerpts. I blinked slowly until I finally fell into a deep sleep, a much needed one at that.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Hey guys! Sorry the last chapter was so short, I wanted to make her first day at the studio and such a separate chapter. So, here's chapter 7!

Chapter 7

Today was the day. The day I go back to dance after an eight month leave. I wasn't worried about being rusty; I knew jumping about into it wouldn't be an issue; I was scared about starting at an entirely new studio. I didn't know a single person, and dancers aren't exactly welcoming to stranger invading their territory.

It was a Monday, and on Mondays was my pointe class. I decided to wear my light pink leotard, white tights, light pink wrap skirt, and black crop sweater with a twist in the front. I managed to get all of my hair into a tight bun, slid on my black sheep skin boots, and grabbed my bag containing any dance supplies I may need. I had about ten minutes to spare before I had to hop in the care, so I went into the kitchen to grab a rice cake. While I was there I figured I would start stretching now, just as a pre-class warm up. I stood on my right leg and pulled my left foot from behind me and brought it up to the back of my head. I then switched and did the same with the opposite foot. I descended into a full split and turned my body from side to side, stretching my lat's. Still in the split position, I arched my back and grabbed onto my back leg and held the pose. While I was concentrating on the feeling of my muscles loosening up, Spencer walked into the room. He just sort of stood there, not saying a word, looking everywhere but my direction. I felt strange casually sitting in such an abnormal position in the presence of a 26 year old man, so I gently unfolded myself and stood up.

"Hey, sorry I was just stretching. I'm ready when you are."

"Oh- no it's okay. I'll grab my keys. Um, by the way, doest that hurt?" He looked a smidge revolted when the words escaped his mouth, but I didn't take any offense.

"That stretch? Not really, you get use to it after a while"

Spencer just nodded and headed for the door. I trailed behind him, and down the seven flights of stairs. The car ride was relatively silent, with the exception of the engine running. About four minutes later we arrived at _Critique Dance Studio_. My heart was pounding. Spencer walked in with me and we immediately got an array of stares from 12 different girls. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

"Hi, this is my sister Jenna Reid and she'll be starting classes today" Spencer said some-what nervously. He doesn't seem to know how to handle himself in social situations.

"_Okay, it's the third door on the left, she can go right in"_ The woman behind the counter barely looked up from the computer.

I said my goodbye's to Spencer, and stepped into the room where class would be held from now on. The white laminate floors were scuffed up from the hundreds of dancers that came through before me. The barre was on the same side as the door, and a mirror coved the entire wall opposite the entrance. There was a small stereo on the right side of the room, along with series of cubbies for out bags. I was so busy taking in my surroundings that I barely noticed there was a group of girls, ages ranging from 12 to 16, whispering, presumably about me. I didn't want to intrude on their gossip, so I sat down a few feet away and began lacing up my toe shoes. They were all assessing my every move, like I was some sort of science experiment. Mercifully, before any of them could approach me, the instructor barged in. She was an older woman, and very pale. Her almost black hair was pulled into a tight bun, and her outfit was completely black. She looked scary to be honest. I was told never to judge a book by its cover, but something about her seemed off.

"LINES!" She screamed, making every girl flinch. We shuffled into our own spacing at the barre and stared straight ahead. If she wasn't intimidating enough before, her Russian accent sure put an end to any speculation.

"My name is Alexandra and I will be your instructor for this season. As you are my advanced class, I expect only the best from you. I will not tolerate bad attitudes, tardiness, or laziness. When you are in my class, you will listen and do as I say. Now, I assume you already stretched before I arrived. So, first position, GO!"

I don't think I had ever moved faster in my entire life. Alexandra called out numerous positions, and soon advanced into tombe's. We warmed up for the next twenty minutes, leaving the other forty to whatever Alexandra would make us do. She gave us an across the floor combination consisting of pas de borree, glissade, pas de chat, quaze, into a triple pirouette and ending with a quad fouetee. We repeated the combination over and over again, each time pointing out a different flaw.

After a full hour of burning calves and aching toes, class came to an end. All of the girls, including myself, shuffled over to the bag area and quickly left. To my knowledge I was the last one in the room, so I took my time. I unlaced my shoes and threw them into my bag, pulling out a pair of light blue leg warmers- it was a chilly night and my tights don't offer much warmth. I slid them on along with my boots and stood up to go and find Spencer. As I was about to step out of the 'vacant' classroom, a scratchy voice chimed in:

"_Hey, do you have a brush?" _I turned around, slightly startled at the sudden presence. I felt bad saying no to her, even though we hadn't exchanged words during class, probably because we were to afraid to feel the wrath of Alexandra.

"Oh, yeah, here ya go" and I handed her my blue compact brush. She began stroking her hair with frustration. It was a light brown, curls reaching midway down her back. She was a very tiny girl, very, very tiny. Her bones were evident, protruding through her deep caramel colored skin. Her brown, almost black eyes seemed somewhat empty, well what I saw of them. I watched her during class from the mirror, envying the way she looked gorgeous even when sweating. She was the only person who cared to acknowledge my existence in the class, which meant something.

Handing the brush back to me, she said _"Thanks. I haven't seen you around, did you switch studios?"_

I wasn't anticipating a conversation, but I went along with it anyway.

"No, I just moved here about a week ago"

"_Oh! From where?" _She said while motioning for me to follow her out.

"Baltimore" I answered with a smile. I spotted Spencer in the reception area, but I didn't want to cut off the conversation.

"_I've never been. Hey, my rides here. I guess I'll see you next week. Oh! I'm Ana by the way"_

"I'm Jenna. Bye, see you next week" And with that we smiled at each other, and she walked out the door into the parked car near the curb.

"_Hey how was class?"_ Spencer asked as we began to walk outside

"Tiring, but it felt great to be back. Thanks again for letting me do this; I know it isn't exactly 'convenient' for you"

"_Nonsense, it's not a problem. I know it's late but I need to stop at work quickly to pick up a few things, would you mind coming along? _

_Damnit._ _I couldn't say no, not after he's opened his life up to fit me in. I really, really, really didn't want to go._

"Sure, you'll just have to be seen with me looking like this." I giggled to mask my absolute seriousness. I was sweaty, my makeup was presumably smeared, and I was wearing my leotard and such.

"_Okay, it's not too far away, maybe ten fifteen minutes."_

I nodded and we walked out of the studio and to the car. Spencer had been driving for about five minutes when I remembered the files I found the other night. I then realized I _still _didn't know what Spencer did for a living. I had an idea, but aside from that I was running on assumptions. I broke the now routine silence, praying he would answer truthfully. Then again, I'm not sure he has the capability of lying.

"Spencer, was _do_ you do for a living?" I don't know why I was so nervous to here the answer, but my heart was pounding. He was quiet for a moment, most likely trying to find the words.

"_Oh- I work for the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. We assist other law enforcement on the investigation of serial murders, abductions, and home invasions. We also provide a profile of the criminal-"_

"A description of the offender based on his behavioral tactics, such as MO, signature, and any evidence gathered from the crime scene" The words just blurted out, I didn't mean to cut him off.

He looked back and forth from me to the road, looking a tad bit confused.

"I read a lot...sorry." I supped my hands in my lap and stared down at them. I looked up in curiosity of his facial expression. He just nodded.

"_I fly around the country with my team when a case turns up, so every couple of weeks I might not be around for a few days" _He looked concerned, for my safety I guess. So at any time, day or night, weekend or weekday, he could be gone for days at a time. I wasn't bothered by it, the idea of having the apartment entirely to myself sounded remarkably fun.

"Oh...well it's really cool what you do. Not just for the country, but for the victims of crimes and their families" I didn't want to tell him that sort of stuff interests me, or that I looked through his work papers. I'd rather him not think of me as a nosy freak.

By the time I finished speaking, we arrived at the FBI Headquarters; or what Spencer just called 'The BAU'. Spencer stepped out of the car and I stayed seated, I assumed I would just wait for him to get back.

"_Aren't you coming?"_

_Shit._


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Hey! So in this chapter Jenna will meet the team. I know it's a bit early, but I have some plans for Jenna and the members of the team. Also, thank you for the reviews! To answer your questions, yes, she will find a boy, but not for a little while. I have HUGE ideas for the future. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 8

I followed Spencer into the main lobby of the BAU. We approached a less-than-thrilled man behind a partition, who seemed to know Spencer, but didn't seem thrilled to see him at 7:30pm on a Monday night.

"_Hey Charlie, I have to run upstairs to grabbed some work. My sister is staying with me so I brought her to meet the team, can she have a visitors pass by any chance?"_

Wait. Meet the team? I have to interact with his colleagues? I barely know Spencer at all and now I'm getting to know the people he works with? I did not sign up for this. Well- technically I did, but under false pretenses.

"_Yeah yeah, she doesn't look like she has any weapons. Go on up"_ Grumbled the middle aged receptionist. I trailed next to Spencer, leading into an elevator. I take it the staircase was for emergencies only, or else we wouldn't be in the large metal box. He seemed to get rather antsy while we ascended up the building. He gave a slight jump when the elevator dinged and came to a stop at the seventh floor. The doors opened to reveal a hallway leading two big glass doors with the FBI emblem etched into them. I marched behind Spencer, looking at my feet cross in front of each other. On the other side of the glass doors was a large room with dozens of desks cramped together. They weren't exactly cubicles, but they weren't roomy either. There was a short flight of stairs that led to another level, consisting of various offices. Spencer referred to the room as 'the bull pen', of which was not as busy as I assumed.

Spencer turned to me and was about to say something, when we were approached by a rather striking dark skinned man.

"_Hey pretty boy! Come to pick up your extra files?" _His teeth were pearly white, it sounds cliché but it's true. They were captivating to say the least. I take it that he didn't see me at first, because when he looked at me he got this puzzled look on him face. _"Reid, what are you doing with a teenage girl dressed like she came from a dance class on a Monday night?"_ He pointed his finger at me and I couldn't help but laugh.

"_Oh- um, Derek, this is my uh, sister, J-Jenna. She'll be staying with me from now on" _Spencer stuttered, but didn't slow down his word pace.

I looked up and gave the man a smile. He was about 6 feet tall, and in immaculate shape. His deep brown eyes were quite intimidating, but had a kind tone to them. He was young- mid 30's at least, yet already balding. It wasn't a bad look; after all he was rather attractive.

He looked back and forth from me to Spencer, mystified at his findings. Something told me Spencer hadn't informed his team about my current 'situation'.

Just as Derek was about to open his mouth, a stern voice interrupted

"_Reid!"_ We both whipped our heads around, looking up to a different man starring down at us from the second level of offices. He looked as if he was in his late 40's, and hadn't cracked a smile in years. He had a very serious look on his face, a look that seemed permanent.

Spencer nodded his head and began to walk up the stairs, but not before whispering something in Derek's ear. I panicked a little bit as Spencer stepped further and further away, even though we still hadn't exactly gotten to know each other he was my only sense of human comfort.

"_Rossi, Prentiss, JJ, conference room, now"_ The older man called. He shot Derek a look, and the two exchanged expressions. Three agents I was unfamiliar with (yet again I was unfamiliar with everyone here) stood up and headed up the stairs and into what I assume was the conference room.

"_Hey mini Reid, I'm Derek." _The dark man said with a bright smile and his right hand out. I could instantly tell he was a ladies' man, something about the smile and the charm. _Mini Reid? _I guess that was a nickname I had to get use to. At least he was trying.

"Jenna, although Spencer already cleared that up" I said, shaking his hand.

"_Here come with me"_ He put his hand my shoulder and guided me to a door that had the sign _"Break Room"_ on it. I sat down on the nearest couch as Derek poured a cup of coffee, adding nothing but a single packet of Splenda.

He leaned against the counter and took a sip of the hot liquid. _"So, mini Reid, you must be pretty damn smart if you're related to Spencer"_ he grinned, but I knew he was serious. I was smart, but not nearly as smart as Spencer.

"I'm roughly an A student. I take all honors and AP classes, as well as chorus and studio art. It's a lot of work, but it's nothing I can't breeze through" The moment those words left my mouth I realized how conceded I sounded. It was true, I was intelligent, just not _that_ intelligent.

"_Well well, looks like you really are a mini Reid! With the exception of the fine arts part. That boy can't carry a tune or draw a stick figure if his life depended on it" _Derek giggled. He was doing a good job at making me feel comfortable, I had known him for five minutes and I felt more relaxed with him than with Spencer.

"I'm definitely not anywhere close to a genius, but I'll take your words on the whole fine arts aspect" I was at ease for the first time in months. It was strange, really, that a total stranger could make me feel more welcome than my own brother.

"_Kid, I can tell you're going to get along with the rest of the team just fine" _He never stopped smiling, part of the charm I guess.

"_So what's it like living with Boy Genius?" _I began to pick up on the various nicknames assigned to Spencer.

"Uneventful and awkward to be honest. I'm not sure he knows what do to with me. He got me back into dance, as you could probably already tell given my appearance, but we don't interact much. I stay in my room, he goes to work, then sits on the couch and does more work or reads. We haven't gotten to know each other very much" I felt guilty being so blunt about it. Derek looked at me with an understanding expression, making the guilt a little less apparent.

"_That boy is absolutely clueless. He graduated high school at age twelve, and went right off to college. He didn't get the chance to be a teenager. Give him time, he'll come around. And if he doesn't do it soon, let me know and I'll beat some sense into him_" He smiled and shot me a wink. I laughed, but was interrupted by the older man who called Spencer and the other agents into the conference room.

"_Hey Hotch, I was just talking to mini Reid over here about school." _Derek flashed me a smile.

"_That's fine. I'd like the both of you to come into the conference room" _The man, apparently names 'Hotch' then turned to me, his face a bit more relaxed than I had seen before.

"_Hi Jenna, I'm Aaron Hotchner, but you can call me Hotch. Nice to meet you" _He stuck out his hand, insinuating a shake.

"Hi, nice to meet you too" His hand shake was stern, and his grip tight. He broke off the interaction and spun around and out the door. Derek tilted his head towards Hotch's moving figure. _"Come on mini Reid, time to meet your new family"_

_Wait, family? Were they all really that close knit? Did that mean that we had to be that close?_

Derek put his arm around my shoulders, earning a large flinch. I despise when people touch me, yet I yearn for the affection. I often contradict myself, if you haven't already noticed.

We continued walking around the second level of the BAU, until the conference room came into view. I cleared my mind, if I didn't I wouldn't be able to speak. _Breath. Just breath._

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the three agents Hotch had called ten minutes prior, including Spencer and a woman I hadn't seen yet. Everyone was sitting around a round table, all eyes on me. It was then that I remembered I was still in my ballet attire, and mentally face palmed. I looked absolutely ridiculous.

"_Everyone, I would like to introduce you to Spencer's younger sister, Jenna. She'll be staying with Spencer from now on and I'd like you to make her feel welcome." _Hotch said sternly. They all looked at each other and back at me like I had four heads.

"_Wait, Reid, you have a sister? I thought you were an only child" _A dark haired woman spoke up. Her eyes were a deep, deep brown, with a concerned look. Her skin was just about as pale as mine, but her features were all together more attractive than mine. Typical.

"_I thought I was too_" Spencer whispered with his head down. He definitely did not intend on me hearing that, but it made me feel like even more of a burden than I did before. I was already so out of place, mentally and physically, and that comment didn't help my current situation.

"_Where did she come from?"_

"_How old is she?"_

"_Why didn't you tell us about this Reid?"_

Those questions shot across the room at warp speed. I was darting my head from side to side so fast I couldn't tell who was asking what, only that they were just as confused as I was. I could feel my face rising in temperature and tears welling up my eyes out of pure embarrassment. I wasn't sure why I felt that way, I didn't really have a reason, I just did. The tears retreated after Hotch spoke up:

"_Excuse me? I asked you to make Jenna feel welcome, not like a science experiment. I don't know where your manors went, but I'm disappointed in all of you." _ Hotch shot every agent a harsh glare. _"Now, save your questions for later and I'll leave you all to get acquainted. Spencer?" _Hotch motioned for Spencer to follow him out of the conference room, leaving me with Derek, and four unknown agents. After Hotch left, we remained silent for a long enough period of time to make everyone uncomfortable. Derek sensed the soaring level of awkwardness and guided me forward a few steps. _"Alright everyone, as Hotch said, this is Jenna, or Mini Reid in my book" _He followed up with a wink. _"You heard the man, introduce yourselves!" _Derek said in a mocking tone, receiving giggles from the agents.

"_Out of my way, out of my way!"_ A heavy set blonde woman came rushing around the table in my direction. She was wearing a hot pink dress with yellow tights, a blue cardigan, and purple shoes. It was an interesting outfit, but somehow she pulled it off. I could tell she was wearing purple eye makeup behind her plain black glasses, but I couldn't tell the initial color of her eyes. Maybe brown, blue, even green, but I wasn't positive.

"_Hello Jenna, I'm Penelope, all knowing goddess of technology and optimism, or Garcia for short. You my munchkin are the spitting image of your brother with twice the beauty he has to offer." _ The pep in her voice was something I definitely not something I was use to, but it was an easy adjustment. I smiled at the fact she called me beautiful, well sort of. _"Ugh, what am I doing?!"_ Before I could process what she had said, I was encased in a giant hug. I was caught off guard, but it was nice to be presented that sense of warmth.

"_Baby girl, let's try not to crush Mini Reid, at her size your hugs might smother her" _Derek spoke jokingly.

"_Derek Morgan shut that gorgeous mouth of yours and let me have my time with my Munchkin" _Munchkin. That's nickname number two.

Garcia released me and hit Derek upside the head, resulting in laughter yet again.

"_Hey hey hey I get it!"_ Derek threw up his hands in defeat. I was then approached by another stunning blonde woman, except she was lean and her eyes were the shade of blue as mine. She was wearing dark grey slacks along with a light blue button down. She put her hand out and I returned the favor and shook it. _"Hi, I'm Jennifer, but everyone calls me JJ. I'm the media liason. It's great to meet you_"I picked up that there was a constant factor with the women on the team: they were gorgeous, friendly, and had immaculate teeth.

"It's nice to meet you too" I choked out. My throat was exceptionally dry due to lack of water after dance.

The dark haired woman I had yet to meet creeped up behind JJ and shifted her out of the way. _"HI, I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself sooner, I'm Emily" _All of this redundant hand-shaking was getting tiresome. All of these women were so strikingly beautiful my self-esteem went down tenfold. "Hi, it's nice to meet you" The muscles around my mouth were beginning to hurt from all of this smiling. _"So what brings you to the BAU at this time of night?" _JJ asked. "Well Spencer picked me up from my pointe class and had to swing by and grab some files, and now I'm here" I tried to sound as socially experienced as possible in my tone of voice. Before JJ could respond, an older gentleman joined the conversation.

"_Jenna, of Arabic origin meaning 'heaven'" _I had to squint to get a good look at him because I didn't have my glasses. _Wait, Davis Rossi, as in THE David Rossi? The David Rossi who wrote the most favorable books on criminal analysis I had ever read? _

My face lit up, something it hadn't done in a while. David Rossi was the entire reason I became so fascinated by the human psyche. His books were my savior. I was in so much awe of his presence I forgot how to speak. He grinned and held out his hand for a shake, again.

"_David Rossi" _

"Yes, I-I know, I read all of your books at least twice. I've read dozens of pieces on the criminal psychology, but none of them compared to yours." I was praying he didn't find me creepy and overbearing.

"_Well, thank you very much. Looks like we've got a future profiler on our hands"_ He spoke in a joking, yet serious manor. _Hm, a profiler. _The more I thought of it, the more I grew fond of the idea. As I was about to respond, I was interrupted by Spencer and Hotch entering the room.

"_I don't mean to put an end to this conversation, but it's time to go Jenna." _The words spoken didn't sound like Spencer's usual awkward yet content voice, they sounded angry.

"Oh, um okay. It was really nice meeting everyone"

"_Goodbye my munchkin!"_

"_Good luck surviving with Spencer!"_

"_Buonanotte!"_

"_Make good choices!"_

"_It was nice meeting you!"_

With the words of the several agents ringing in my ears, I followed Spencer out of the BAU and into the car.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hey! So in this chapter there will be some tension between Jenna and Spencer. I'm timing this right after Spencer's dilaudid recovery in season 3, so he'll be craving and acting out. So yeah, enjoy!

Chapter 9

Spencer's pace picked up as we got closer and closer to the car. After the combination of dance and being forced into a social situation, I was completely drained and not in the mood to practically jog to the car.

We reached the blue Volvo and climbed in, all the while not speaking a word to each other. Spencer started the engine and backed out of the parking spot relatively fast, yanking me around beneath my seatbelt. As we got onto the high way he sped up even faster, then faster and faster. My stomach started churning from the speed and sharp turns.

"Spencer, don't you think you're going a little fast?"

He didn't answer. He kept his eyes glued to the road.

He maintained the speedy pace for miles and miles, only slowing down at stop signs occasionally. "_This is so unlike him"_ I thought quietly. Although I had only been living with him for a week and barely knew anything about him, his behavior was off. He wasn't his usual gentle, painfully awkward, hyper-aware of everything self. This was a side of him I was yet to see.

"Spencer, I think you should slow down"

Still no answer.

He continued to ignore me. It was as if I didn't exist. I thought I was done being overlooked the moment my aunt and uncle were killed on impact, but it seemed as though thing hadn't changed. He was doing so well, being friendly and caring, then suddenly took three huge steps back.

The car came to a screeching halt and I realized we were at our apartment building. Spencer practically jumped out of the car and started towards the door. I followed of course, given he had the keys.

We approached the apartment door rather quickly, not surprising due to our increased speed. Spencer jammed the keys into the door and swung it open. We were halfway into the apartment when I finally got fed up with the silence.

"What's your problem all of a sudden?"

Spencer stopped in his tracks, spinning around on his heels. I instantly wished I could take back my words.

"_What's my problem? What's my problem? My life has been flipped upside down and you're complaining that I'm a little angry?"_ Spencer's tone was cold. I didn't understand why he was being so bitter, this wasn't like him whatsoever.

"_You're_ life has been flipped upside down? Every one I've ever cared about is either dead or doesn't want me, and I've moved hundreds of miles away from my home to live with a complete stranger because I was never enough for anyone to stick around. Reality check Spencer, I'm being affected by this too" I was fuming. I gave Spencer a moment to respond, but was met with silence. I stormed into my room, slamming the door shut with rage. The slam generated a shake throughout my room, knocking over a picture frame. Irritated, I picked up the frame from the floor and gazed at the picture it held. It was from my 6th birthday party. I was smiling from ear to ear, with my parents on either side of me. Judging from the picture, we looked happy, normal even. No one would have guessed my father left three weeks later, or my mother slit her wrists six months after that. I set the picture frame back down on my dresser in fear of upsetting myself any further.

A sudden wave of exhaustion hit me. Naturally, I went to lie down on my bed. I was strangely warm, so I opened up my window took a whiff of fresh air. As I fought to find a comfortable position, a single tear soaked my black cotton pillow case. I missed my family, my real family. I missed my father, the way he use to sneak hot chocolate into my room before bed, even though my mother said I would never get to sleep. I missed my mother, too. I missed the times when she was happy, when we were happy.

All of a sudden, in the midst of my tears, there was a knock at my bedroom door.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Hey! So I promise after this chapter everything will pick up. I have an idea on where everything is going, so I may or may not be skipping around a bit. Anyway, here's chapter 10!

Chapter 10

The knock on my door brought me back to reality. I quickly turned over and shut my eyes, praying Spencer would think I was asleep and go back to bed.

My plan failed.

He knocked once again, but this time he slowly turned the door knob and peeked his head into my bedroom. _"Jenna?"_ He whispered faintly. He was met with silence. _"Jenna?"_ He repeated. Again, silence filled the space in between us. I had my eye closed, so I could only assume that he walked in shortly after he spoke. There was a sudden pressure at foot of my bed. I opened my tear filled eyes and looked down to find Spencer hanging his head and fiddling with his hands.

"Hey" I choked out.

"_Hey. L-look I'm sorry for acting like I did, and for what I said, it was uncalled for. Hotch called me out on my lack of communication and I took it out on you and it was wrong of me." _Spencer seemed sincere, from the tone of his voice to the distress on his face. I wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that, to be honest I wasn't even upset about what he said anymore. I learned a long time ago how to shake off the words of others. I missed my old life, that's what carried the tears.

"I'm sorry too; I may have over reacted a bit." It was true; I had the tendency to take things further than necessary. That was something I had to work on.

"_No, you were right to say what you did. I was being selfish" _The entire time he spoke, his eyes never left the floor.

"It's fine Spencer, really." I felt guilty making him feel like he was entirely at fault.

"_If it's fine then why were you crying?" _Spencer then looked me in the eye, which surprised me to say the least.

I turned to my night table and fixed my eyes on a picture of me as at about 18 months old, accompanied by my mother and father. The way the moon lit up my bedroom was just enough to make out the picture.

"I just miss my parents. Nine years without them and it still doesn't hurt any less" Spencer moved up the bed a bit more and reached out his hand to the picture. _"Do you mind if I take a look?" _ "Sure, go ahead." I could see him analyzing the photo carefully, picking apart the contents.

"How old were you when he left?" I spoke up, referring to our father. Spencer seemed rather shocked at the question.

"_Eight. I was eight" _I could sense the hurt in his body language.

"I was six. Looks like when the going gets tough he takes off."

Spencer let out a slight chuckle of accuracy. _"If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your mother?"_ I found it strange that he didn't already know, I was almost certain it was in my file. I gave a minor sigh; that was a question I wasn't very keen on answering. "After Dad left, she wasn't herself anymore. She was sleeping all day, crying all night. I couldn't sleep one night and wondered into her bedroom to crawl into bed with her, but she wasn't there. I saw the bathroom light was on and the door was cracked, so being the curious child I was, I went to check it out. She had slit her wrists not to long before I found her, but long enough that it was too late." Spencer looked at me with compassion, verging on pity. I don't think he was expecting that exact explanation.

"_Oh...I'm sorry to hear that"_

I shrugged my shoulders weakly. There was nothing anyone could do to fix it, so that was my general response to anyone who apologized.

"_This whole living situation is quite a change, huh?" _Spencer giggled. "Agreed. It could be worse though, I could be a rebellious teen in need of a severe attitude adjustment with 20 piercings and you could be a helpless adult with a hoarding problem" We looked at each other for a few seconds then burst out laughing. After we caught our breath, I could feel the tension that had been hovering over us for the past week being lifted. We had finally connected through our sorrow, and had a better sense of who we were as individuals. I must say, it felt pretty great.

"_It's late; I should be getting to sleep."_ Spencer patted my leg under the covers and stood up to leave. "I'm glad we had this talk, Spenc" _Spenc, there we go, a nick name._ He smiled at me and chuckled as he reached the door. _"Me too, Jenna. Sleep well"_ And he exited the room.

That night had turned from good, to awkward, to angry, to sad, and somehow ended on a positive note. I could feel that things were going to be different from then on, between me and Spencer I mean, and I couldn't wait to see what that entailed.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Happy thanksgiving everyone! So now that Spencer and Jenna are more comfortable with each other, we're going to see some bonding. Sorry if this chapter is uneventful, I needed a break inbetween the action. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 11

I woke up early the next morning, even earlier than Spencer. I had spent enough time cooped up in my small bedroom, and frankly I missed watching television. I brewed a cup of coffee and plopped down on the suede couch in front of the tv. After flipping through the channels for a solid five minutes, I settled on the movie _Matilda. _I had been watching the film for around an hour when Spencer eventually emerged from his bedroom and into the living room.

"Hey, I left the coffee pot on for you." He must not have seen me because once I spoke he jumped three feet in the air.

"_Jenna! W-why are you up so early?" _ He didn't mean it in a mean way, but a startled one.

"Early riser I guess" I giggled. Spencer shook his confusion and went on into the kitchen. He returned with a cup of coffee, no surprise there, and sat down on the other side of the couch.

"_What is this?" _

"Matilda."

"_Matilda?"_ I was stunned at his lack of familiarity with the movie. "You've never seen Matilda?" Spencer shook his head. "Well, it's about a little girl whose family ignores her and bullies her when they get the chance. When she starts school, her teacher, discovers she is highly intelligent for her age. The principle of the school acts like a dictator and a deep hatred for children, making it difficult for Matilda to get the proper attention she needs to feed her intellect. As her brain develops, she realizes she has the ability to move objects with her mind. Basically, the movie is about all of that and events that follow" Spencer just stared at me blankly.

"_That doesn't make any sense. The human mind cannot move objects based on sheer will, it's just impossible. And why didn't anyone call Child Protective Services on the parents, let alone the principle?" _Spencer was utterly lost. "It's a movie, Spenc, fiction" I snickered. He shook it off and in time retreated down the hall into the bathroom.

I continued watching the rest of the movie, and then moved on to the television show _Friends_. Two and a half episodes later, Spencer came rushing out of his bedroom.

"_I'm going to work, no sneaking out, don't make a mess and no boys!" _He said, practically sprinting towards the door.

"Spencer, I don't know any girls let alone boys!" I shouted from across the apartment.

"_Goodbye!"_ And out the door he went. I spent the remainder of day watching television, reading, and parading around the apartment in my pajamas. By four thirty, I ran out of shows to watch and books to read. I hadn't had the pleasure of getting to know the area of shops below me, so I figured that would be a delightful mission to accomplish.

I jumped into the shower, and was out ten minutes later. I threw on a fitted long sleeved black and white striped shirt and tucked it into a pair of dark wash jeans, with the addition of a plain black scarf. I decided on a matching pair of black flats, and pulled my hair into a loose pony tail. I quickly checked myself in the mirror, grabbed my light brown leather satchel, and headed out the door.

I came across multiple coffee shops, small boutiques, the studio, and miraculously, a book store. When I stepped into the quaint little shop, an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia rushed over me. It was crowded, filled top to bottom with antique everything. A thin layer of dust rested upon the various shelves and older books. An elderly man sat at the front register, flashing me a warm smile. He reminded me much of Ollivander from Harry Potter, looks wise at least.

I walked up and down the narrow aisles of bookcases, carefully examining the spine of each book. Within the shelves held the works of John Keats, Charles Dickens, Edgar Allen Poe, and Langston Hughes. I was certain Spencer owned the collections of every famous writer in the past two hundred years, but it doesn't feel right when I read a book that doesn't belong to me. When a person reads, I mean really reads; they pour their soul into the pages and bury their mind in the words. It stays with them, and taking that away seems cruel.

I proceeded to the elderly man up front with four thick hard covers. Expecting them to cost a large sum of money, I was prepared to bleed my wallet dry.

"_Take them. No charge."_ The white haired man smiled.

"What? No I could never-" I blurted out while fishing through my wallet.

"_They've been sitting on that shelf for years, you can't put a price on read that good. Take care of them"_

"Thank you" I grinned. The old man nodded and I exited the shop with a smile. I walked around the square back to the apartment, beaming the entire way. I settled in my room with a steaming cup of coffee and cracked open _The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe. _


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Hey! So I've realized how slow I'm going, and I promise I will try to speed up. Enjoy!

Chapter 12

Wednesday came along, baring three consecutive dance classes. Lyrical at six, contemporary at seven, and finishing the night off with jazz at eight. It was enjoyable don't get me wrong, but three straight hours of dance is enough to beat anyone to pulp. Most of the girls who were in my pointe class were also in my other classes, including Ana. We chatted during water breaks, mostly about split toe nails and callus's. Glamorous, right?

All three classes came to an end, and I walked out of the studio with sore muscles and coffee plans with Ana. It sounds cheesy, but given our mutual love for caffeinated beverages and surprisingly close proximity to multiple café's, it sounded appropriate.

After we arrived home from the studio, Spencer and I settled down in front of the television with Chinese food and season three of Doctor Who. Spencer struggled with chop sticks for a little while until he finally gave up and grabbed a fork from the kitchen. I didn't understand how a genus like him could be so challenged by two tiny pieces of processed wood.

"Hey Spenc, my friend Ana invited out for coffee on friday. Can I go?"

Spencer's head shot up. He seemed rather surprised. I must admit, I was a little offended. Was it _that _shocking that I had plans?

"_Oh uh- first off, who's Ana? How old is she? I'd like to meet her parents before I send you out with a stranger-"_

"Spence- chill out. I met her at dance, and she's my age. She's half Italian, half Spanish and is fluent in Spanish as well. Her favorite color is blue and shares the same love for coffee as I do. Now would you like to know her blood type too?" I gave a short laugh. If this was his reaction to a coffee date with a new friend, who knows what he'll do if my social life actually picks up. "And you're not meeting her parents. That's just weird."

Spencer pondered the question for a moment or two, and finally spoke up. _"Okay, you can go. But I don't like the fact that you're going out when I'm at work, so I expect you to call me on your walk to and from the café . If anything goes wrong and for some reason you can't get a hold of me, I want you to call either Hotch or Derek." _Spencer explained at warp speed. I appreciated his concern, but It was just coffee.

"Spencer, it's coffee, I'm not backpacking through the Amazon." I smirked, but Spencer's face remained frozen. "Fine. I'll call you on my walk and if anything goes wrong" I rolled my eyes and took another bite of my lo mien.

"Thanks Spenc" I nodded and received one in return. "Oh, I've been thinking about school lately. If I'm not mistaken, most schools in the area start in early September, so we don't have much time. I've been doing some research of my own, but I would like your input first" It was a random thought that had been bouncing around in my head for a few days, but hey better late than never. _"Multiple studies have shown the success rate of children who attend private school is significantly higher than those enrolled in public school, and I would prefer to place you in the most beneficial environment education wise so private school seems like the best decision, if you're alright with that." _Spencer said relatively loud, and rather fast if I might add. I had done my fair share of research on private schools in the Quantico area, and if I wasn't mistaken there was only one.

"I've been looking into James Garfield Prep lately. They have an outstanding theatre program and their students often branch off to Ivy League schools."

"_I've heard good things about Garfield. I'll call the school in the morning and set up a consultation."_

We left the conversation at that. I shoved my leftovers in the fridge and headed to bed with the intention of sleeping for the next three and a half years.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been really busy with my school production, and I had to get through a few things but everything is alright now so I will have more time to write. Anyway, here's chapter 13! Oh! And happy holidays everyone!

Chapter 13

Thursday came and went rather quickly. Spencer called Garfield Prep and faxed over my transcripts, along with setting up a campus tour. From what I had seen online, the school seemed relatively welcoming. On second thought, it is high school, and I wouldn't exactly describe high school as welcoming. More tolerable I guess you could say.

Friday rolled around which meant coffee with Ana. I stumbled out of bed at roughly 10am, and directly headed for the coffee pot. I didn't have to pull myself together until noon, so I figured I'd drink a cup or two before hand.

I lounged around for a couple of hours before jumping in the shower. After I was squeaky clean, it came time to pick out and outfit. I decided on a dark gray, long sleeved Chiffon-cut dress that landed just above my knee. I would have accompanied it with tights, but the weather was especially warm. I let my hair air dry, its natural waves turning into small curls just below my bust. I tossed on my glasses, slipped on my wine colored suede flats, and was on my way out the door.

I hadn't forgotten about my deal with Spencer, and I knew for sure he hadn't either. Once I made my way out of the front lobby I dialed Spencer's cell number. _"Spencer Reid" _He answered. "Hey Spenc, it's me. I'm on my way to the café. I called like you asked" I internally rolled my eyes at the fact that I'm 15 years old and calling my older brother as a form of supervision while I walk to a nearby café. _"Oh Jenna, hey!" _Spencer sounded fairly surprised that it was me. It was then that I realized I probably could have gotten away without calling him at all. "Spencer, do we _really_ have to do this? I'm 15, not 5." There was a period of silence on the other end of the line. I was beginning to think he hung up on me, which I wouldn't have minded. _"Only because Derek slipped me his extra paperwork and I have a lot to do. Now don't talk to strangers, give out absolutely no personal information-"_"Spencer, I get it. Have fun with your paperwork" I was gradually getting more and more annoyed. Before Spencer could respond, I hung up.

Less than five minutes later, I arrived at the café. I spotted Ana immediately and waved before hopping on line. The shop was small, the natural light reflecting off of the pale yellow walls. Indie tunes were softly flowing through the speakers, creating a relaxing environment. I sat down across from Ana with my Skinny Vanilla Latte, finding out she was drinking the exact same thing. Figures.

"_Hey! Christ its 80 degrees out, how are you wearing long sleeves?!" _Ana practically shouted. I giggled at how often I get asked that same question. "Cold blooded I guess". There was a moment of awkward silence between us. Our eyes wandered around the café as we both fished for conversation topics. _"So, tell me about yourself Jenna! Why did your parents drag you all the way to Quantico from Baltimore?" _ Ana asked curiously. A sudden rush of panic rushed through my body. I wasn't exactly comfortable with spilling out my situation to a girl I had just met, even though he was my only friend. I feared I would freak her out and receive mass amounts of pity. I think Ana read the distress on my face, because she quickly changed the subject. _"Never mind with that, we'll get back to that on a later date. So, what did you do at your old school for fun?" _ Crisis averted. "I preformed in musicals mostly, and whatever plays my drama came up with. It took up 99% of my time" I added with a giggle. Ana's facial expression changed from unreadable to surprised. It turned out that she was a theatre nerd too! We chatted about the shows we had been a part of, and our dream roles of course. We gushed over our desire to go to New York and see a real Broadway play. The feeling of awkwardness was soon lifted due to our mutual love of performing.

Unfortunately, our little get together had the come to an end. Ana had to get home to her mother, I wasn't sure why but I didn't feel comfortable asking. We walked out of the café into the busy square and parted ways. Not ten seconds later, my phone rang. Guess who? _Spencer. _I rolled my eyes and picked up.

"Spenc, I thought we agreed that I didn't have to stay on the phone with you to walk two blocks home." I said in an annoyed fashion. Spencer must have ignored my statement, because he began his sentence like I hadn't said a word. He must have been distracted.

"_Hey it's been a long week and the team is going out to dinner, if you're not still with Ana I wanted to know if you would be willing to come with us"_ Spencer sounded a bit nervous. I hadn't gotten the chance to really get to know the team, besides the five minute greeting I endured earlier, so I quickly came up with an answer. "Sure, that sounds great. I'm approaching the apartment now. I'll see you soon" And with that, I hung up and entered the apartment. Usually, I would be very reluctant to be put into such a social situation, even if it was just dinner, but I felt different this time. Maybe it was because I was more comfortable with Spencer, or maybe because I finally made a friend, but I was excited nonetheless. I plopped down on the couch and awaited Spencer's arrival.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Hey! I know this chapter is short, but I'll be posting the next one later today. I was going to make them both just one chapter, but then it would be too long. Think of it as a filler chapter I guess. Anyway, I hope you're all enjoying the holiday season and will enjoy this chapter!

_Episode 3x15- 3__rd__ Life_

Chapter 14

The clock struck six, then seven, then seven thirty, and still no Spencer. I was beginning to get a bit concerned, I mean in his line of work how could you not? I told myself that he was just backed up on paper work or maybe he was in a meeting- if he even went to those. I realized I was being much too paranoid, until my phone rang that is.

"Hey Spenc, what's up?"

"_Hey J-Jenna, uhm a case came up in California and I have to leave with the team pronto"_ Spencer spoke rapidly. Of course a case came up. Of course. "Oh, okay. So what does this mean for me?" The words slowly left my mouth. Spencer hadn't left for a case since before my arrival, so I didn't know what this entailed for me. _"We shouldn't be gone for more than a few days, but Garcia stays behind on all of our cases so I'll have her check in on you before she goes home every night. If you need anything or something goes wrong I want you to call Garcia as well." _Basically, I was stuck in the apartment alone until a woman who is practically a stranger comes to check on me. Awesome. "Oh- uhm, alright. I hope you catch the guy" The sincerity in my voice was true. I wasn't keen on having my brother flying across the country to catch an assumed psychopath, but it had to be done. _"I'll try my best. I'll call you tomorrow night"_ Spencer's voice didn't sound entirely focused, but I understood why. We said our goodbyes and I was left alone in my mind to worry about the welfare of my only living family member that cared about my wellbeing.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Hey! So this is the next chapter as promised. By the way, that you for all of the reviews! They boost my self esteem and really help my write the chapters. I'm very grateful to have such awesome readers :) And I'm trying to warp the time line to fit the story, but it won't be anything drastic. There may be some triggers at the end of the chapter for some, just fair warning! Anyway, happy holidays and here's chapter 15!

_Episode 3x15- 3__rd__ Life_

Chapter 15

I spent the remainder of Friday night eating orange jello and watching Doctor Who. It wasn't the most eventful night I've ever had, but it was satisfactory under the circumstances. Garcia was a no show, but I didn't take it personally.

I woke up early Saturday morning to rain beating down my bedroom window and frizzy hair. Less than thrilled, I jumped into the shower. After a solid forty five minutes of aimless thinking and pruning skin, I emerged from the steam filled bathroom and journeyed off to my bedroom. I slid a pair of black leggings over my tooth-pick-like thighs and threw on one of Spencer's light blue button downs. I doubted he would mind.

I was used to hanging around the apartment all day without company, but something seemed different about today. It was a Saturday, Spencer was always home on Saturdays. Given he wasn't always on the couch or in the kitchen, and neither was I, just having him in the same vicinity was a comfort. No, he wasn't the most physical guy, and no, he wasn't the most understanding, but the whole FBI agent thing gave a sense of security.

I plopped down on the living room sofa and finished _The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe_ and moved onto _The Bell Jar_ by Sylvia Plath. I soon cursed my ability to read as fast as I did. Nine thousand words per minute made me blow through books incredibly fast, sometimes too fast to enjoy them thoroughly. I decided to give my mind a break and flip through the tv guide in an attempt to find something some-what entertaining. I must have been really imbedded in the various programs that passed the screen, because before I knew it the sky was painted a hue of pink and orange. With the sun setting, the warm weather, and empty apartment, it was the perfect opportunity to sit on the fire escape and smoke the cigarettes I forgot I had. I paced over to my room and slipped on the nearest pair of shoes I could find, grabbing my small bag that held my almost full pack of Marlbro Blacks. I slid through the window beside my bed and seated my boney butt on the metal platform. Looking down at the square below me, I lit up. The first inhale that I had longed for was much needed. It was as if a block had been lifted off my chest, figuratively of course. I began to think about how little Spencer, or anyone for that matter knows about me. Sure he knows about my passion for theatre, my love for dance, my past family situation, and my medical issues, but he didn't know what went on during those times. He didn't know about the neglect, moments of abuse, or the darkness that resided in my head. _No one knew._

Two cigarettes and pitch black sky later, I climbed back through the window and flopped down onto my bed. I lay motionless for a few minutes before closing my window and venturing into the kitchen for a hot beverage. As I was reaching up to grab a mug from the cherry wood cabinets, I heard the unlocking of the front door. Spencer hadn't called to say he was coming home, or called at all for that matter, so my flight or fight instinct kicked in and I grabbed a knife from the butcher block and ducted below the counter. The door swung open faster than I expected and large figure stumbled through. It was then that I heard a semi-familiar voice and immediately calmed my heart rate.

"_HAVE NO FEAR, I HAVE ARRIVED MY MUNCHIN! AND I HAIL WITH AND VISUAL ENTERTAINMENT AND ENOUGH SUGARY GOODNESS TO MAKE YOUR TEETH CURL!"_ It was safe to say that Garcia wasn't a burglar. I popped up from behind the counter and walked over to retrieve the multiple bags she lugged in. "Hey Garcia" I giggled as I took the bags from her arms. Although she was practically a stranger, I easily adjusted to her welcoming personality and quickly became comfortable with her. _"I wasn't sure what kind of sweets you liked so I brought a variety, same goes with movies. I grabbed everything from gory slasher to anything with a half naked Johnny Depp!_" Garcia was still speaking at top volume, yet again from the little time I had spent with her loud was the only setting she had. It added to her joyful presence.

I chuckled to myself as I dumped out the bags of goods and spread them out on the coffee table. We had M&M's, sugar cookies, Pixi Stix, Milk Duds, hot chocolate, candy corn, caramel, and four different kinds of popcorn. I had pretty much cut sweets out of my diet months ago, but I couldn't turn down this offer. Garcia had gone so far out of her way, turning everything away would be rude. _"Alright my Munchkin, what should we watch first? The decision is all yours!_" I stared at the movies in front of me. It came to a tie between _V for Vendetta_ and _The Silence of the Lambs_, both being favorites of mine and coincidently having to do with terrorists or serial killers. No surprise there. "Hmm...I'll have to go with _V for Vendetta"_ I said while popping it into the DVD player. I figured Garcia spent enough time around serial killers, so I tried to veer away from that. _"Marvelous choice!" _Garcia's voice seemed further than before, and I turned around to find her in the kitchen retrieving two mugs filled with hot chocolate. I met her half way and grabbed my cup filled to the top with marshmallows.

"_Thank you my sweet! Jeez does Boy Genius feed you?! You're the size of my right arm!" _That wasn't the first time I had gotten that question, or comment if you would. I knew I was built small, but I always saw myself as chunky. I guess that's why I never ate much, I feared I wouldn't like the result. I had lost a few pounds since I moved to Quantico, but I didn't see much difference. "Yes, he feeds me. Fast metabolism I guess" I replied with a giggle, hoping Garcia would leave it alone. _"I have to have chat with that brother of yours. Come on, let's get some meat on those bones!" _I had a feeling I wasn't going to catch a break with this, so I gave myself full permission to stuff my face.

Around an hour into the movie, and various comments on the film, I got to thinking about the team and their current case. I had absolutely no idea what it was about, and no clue on why they were dragged across the country for it. "Hey Garcia, I have a question" I stated softly, tracing the rim of my glass. _"Yes my Munchkin?"_ She said, perking her head up. "The case the team is on- it must be pretty bad if they had to fly across the country as fast as they did. What happened?" The entire time I spoke I never looked up. Garcia pondered the question for a moment, then paused the movie. _"Well sweetie, it certainly isn't good. But no, I will not reveal any of information and poison that pretty little mind of yours. All you need to know is everything is okay now and the team should be home around midnight"_ Garcia, even when serious, somehow added a positive twist onto every word. "Tonight? That was fast" I replied. _"That's are family for ya. Kicking butt and looking good while doing it_" We both broke into laughter. The image of Spencer kicking anyone butt was quite funny actually.

We resumed the movie and sobbed like children at the ending, as expected. _"Okay my Munchkin, I think it's time to pack it in. You can keep the snacks, and I'll take back the movies another time. This has been a fun little girl's night, we may just have to do this every weekend to keep me satisfied!_" Garcia spoke while getting ready to head for the door. "Thanks Garcia, tonight was awesome" I hugged her mid sentence. _"Oh my absolute pleasure sweetheart!" _ Garcia kissed me on the top of the head and we said our goodbyes, and I was yet again in an empty apartment.

I put away the remaining food and tidied up the living room. All of the junk food I consumed was sitting in my stomach like a rock. I was so full, uncomfortably full. I began to panic at the thought of what might happen to my body. I did the only thing I could think of at that point: I made a bee-line to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet, forcing my fingers down my throat and spilling the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl.

Twenty minutes later, my stomach was empty and I was exhausted. I cleaned myself up and lugged my heavy body to my bedroom, where I laid down and let the events of the night sink in.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Hey! So I was going to write out Jenna's consultation for her new school, but it would be pretty boring if I did and i'm trying to speed things up fast so I'll just have her summarize it a bit. Oh! and I finally have decided on big events for the story line! I had some ideas but now they've been solidified. Now I won't be spilling any details, but I will say that all of the feedback I've been getting has helped beyond belief! Keep it up!:) Anyway, here's chapter 16! I'm sorry if it's kind of all over the place and not very well put together, I had a lot of trouble with it. I'm not sure why, but yeah.

Chapter 16

Sunday dragged on, followed by Monday which meant my Garfield consultation. Oh, and dance, dance too.

Pointe class round two was no different from the first time around, except a different combination and I actually had a friend. Now the Garfield consultation, that was interesting. It was determined that in my upcoming sophomore year, I would be enduring honors chemistry, honors English, chorus, studio art, Algebra II/Trig, AP world history, AP psychology, and AP Russian. No lunch, no study hall. Quite the work load, right?

The campus was absolutely incredible. Every single thing was up to date, from expensive lab equipment, to brand new floors, to an entirely new auditorium with state of the art lights and brand new curtains. The stage was outstanding, all I could think of was if I'd ever have the pleasure to perform on it. The building was your typical two story high school, with an additional basement and beautifully kept courtyard. Basically, the only down side to Garfield was I had to wear a uniform. I wasn't 100% sure what the uniform looked like, but I knew it couldn't be good. , my future principle who also conducted the consultation, informed me I would be starting school August 31st, which gave me exactly one week to prepare both physically and mentally.

"I can do this" I thought to myself, "It's been done before" I repeated in my head over and over again for hours and hours. I eventually began to believe it, something I rarely ever did.

The week droned by, Thursday containing three dance classes, none of which I saw Ana at. I figured she was sick, but that was just an assumption.

I never did find out what the team's last case was about, but Spencer had been acting a bit strange. Well, stranger than usual. He seemed distant, which was both concerning and disappointing. Concerning because I didn't know why he was so distracted, disappointing because we had been getting along so well. By the time Friday rolled around again he seemed back to normal, whatever normal was.

While Spencer was at work I made the decision of running errands. Where, I wasn't exactly sure, but I knew if I walked around the square for a bit I would jog my memory. I showered and threw on a white and dark blue striped quarter sleeved fitted shirt and tucked it into a pair of dark wash skinny jeans. I pulled my damp hair back into a pony tail and slipped on my glasses, throwing on my small back pack and sliding on my beige suede flats as I headed for the door.

I wandered around, ducking in and out of store after store. I managed to pick up a few books, a couple CD's, and even some groceries. And by groceries I mean rice cakes and diet ginger ale.

I retreated back to the apartment around 6pm, partly because I had been to every shop in the square and partly because Spencer was due home soon. I stashed my findings in my bedroom and sat down on the couch, cracking open "The Nurse" by Nikolai Stepanchenko, a story about Ukraine's notorious medical system as witnessed by himself, once a nurse on an emergency mental care team. A short read, but entirely in Russian. After I moved in with my aunt and uncle when I was six, I had a Russian nanny named Ivanna who seldom spoke English, and I picked up on the language and perused it in middle school and now up to high school. I was fluent by the time I was thirteen.

Not ten minutes into reading I was disrupted by a loud commotion in the outside hallway. Just as I was getting up to check the peep hole, the door swung open and the noise from the hallway flooded the apartment. Sure enough, it was the team with boxes of Chinese food.

"_Hey mini Reid, what's shakin'?"_

"_Surprise!"_

"_Ciao piccolo!"_

"_Spencer where are your wine glasses?"_

Derek, JJ, Rossi and Emily flowed through the doorway followed by an overwhelmed Spencer. I was not anticipating the team for dinner, and I took it neither was he. It was a pleasant surprise, however. "Hey guy, here you can put everything on the coffee table, I'll go get plates" I said after being pulled into a bear hug from Derek, kissed on the forehead by Rossi, and hugged by Emily and JJ. I did a head count and realized that to my dismay there was no Garcia. I shrugged it off and journeyed into the kitchen, where I found a frazzled Spencer grabbing several drinking glasses. "Hey, let me help you. I didn't know the team was coming for dinner, I would have cleaned up a bit" I practically whispered, even though I was certain they couldn't hear me. _"I-I didn't know they were coming either. It was a last minute plan I assume, I didn't really have the chance to decline" _Spencer stammered. "Spenc, it's alright, dinner got cancelled last week so just think of this as a makeup." I smiled at Spencer while relieving the cups from his grip. I think he was afraid about how I would react to the sudden social situation, given my shyness. Frankly, I was shocked at how calm I was. I didn't know the team very well or at all really, so now I could really bond with them.

I returned to the living room as promised, and sat in-between Emily and Derek on the couch. Everyone served themselves, and when settled in the attention was brought directly to me. _"So Jenna, Spenc tells us you're starting school on Monday, in all honors and AP classes. You must be brilliant" _JJ said between bites. I wasn't sure how to respond without sounding self centered. "I just pay attention and do my work, that's all" I giggled in an attempt to cover up my awkward tone. Before JJ could respond, Emily cut in _"The Nurse- is that yours?"_ she asked. "Yes, I-I just started it about ten minutes before you all got here" I replied. Emily perked her head up and smirked. _"Вы говорить на русском?" _She asked, meaning _'you speak Russian?'._ "Да, свободно, так как тринадцать лет" I shot back, translating to '_Yes, fluent since age thirteen'. _We smiled at each other, while the rest of the team exchanged puzzled, yet satisfied looks. I supposed Spencer didn't tell them. _"Did you know that the __Russian language__ is spoken in not only in Russia but also other countries in close proximity such as Ukraine, Belarus, South Ossetia and Abkhazia, among others. In fact, there are more than 165 million people who are speaking this interesting language nowadays. Actually-" _Spencer chimed in with his usual statistic, but was soon cut off by Derek's typical _"Alright pretty boy, cool it with facts" _and a pat on the back, resulting in a chuckle from everyone but Spencer.

Conversation ranged from school, to dance, to theatre, to Rossi's heritage, to _my _heritage, and then turned into goodbyes. Similar to our greetings, I received a bear hug from Derek, kiss on the forehead from Rossi, and hugs from both Emily and JJ. I walked into the kitchen and began to put away the leftovers when I was tapped on the shoulder by Emily- who I thought already left. _"Hey Jenna, I was wondering if tomorrow you'd like to see a movie and grab some lunch? I checked with Spencer and he said it was alright, so the offer is open" _Emily asked, grinning. I thought it out for a moment while Emily awaited a response. "Uhm- yeah, sure. That sounds great" I smiled back. _"Great. I'll pick you up around one and we'll go from there"_ We nodded at each other and Emily left. I was pleased to have such a fun night, and anticipated a fun one tomorrow. I went to bed soon after, entirely content.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Hey! Soooooooo yeah this is Jenna's outing with Emily. I really hope I depicted Emily's character well, if not, please tell me! Anyway, here's chapter 17!

Chapter 17

I woke up early Saturday morning just as the sun was rising. I sat up in my bed for a few minutes before venturing to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Retreating back into my room, I grabbed my half-empty pack of cigarettes and climbed out onto the fire escape.

It was a peaceful sight, how the sun rested on the tops of the buildings. The sky was still tinted a dark blue from the previous night, but became lighter by the minute. Orange and pink strips beamed from the sun, creating an interesting hue of colors. I was entirely content, which seldom occurred. I wasn't trapped with the neglectful assholes I lived with for so many years, my anxiety was low, and I drowned my sorrows in coffee and cigarettes. My ideal morning.

Two cigarettes later, I slipped back through my window and headed for the shower to wipe off the nicotine scent I loved, but couldn't have Spencer detect. I was out ten minutes later, and changed into sweats. The clock read 7:45, and Emily wasn't picking me up until 1:00, so I had ample time to laze around. I made the spontaneous decision to blow dry my hair and then ran it over with a flat iron, something I rarely did but probably should get in the habit of. My hair was long to begin with, waist length actually, but when straight it fell to my hips.

I finished _The Nurse_ soon after and discussed it with Spencer, who apparently read it while I was in the shower. I didn't know he spoke Russian, let alone read it. I guess there were a lot of things I didn't know.

I spent the next three hours reading and chatting with Spencer over coffee. Conversation didn't come easy to either of us, but we found common ground. I let him ramble on with numerous facts and statistics, even though I already knew half of them and the rest I tuned out. I then understood why Spencer had such trouble maintaining friendships. Because of his advanced intelligence, he had difficulty finding common interests with others. Not to mention that even his humor consisted of science and math. Plus he went on tangents at the drop of a hat. But hey, he couldn't really help it.

Around 12pm I was off to my room to finish getting ready. After staring at my closet for twenty minutes, I pulled out a sleeveless black A-line dress with a scoop neck. I ditched the tights idea and went with bare legs, and slid on my black and white oxfords. I threw on my glasses and debated tucking my dirty blonde hair behind my ears, then boycotted it seconds later. It made me look like dumbo.

I slipped out of my bedroom with fifteen minutes to spare to grab a quick cup of coffee before Emily picked me up. I was greeted by a tiresome Spencer and a full pot of coffee.

"You look like you've been hit by a truck" I giggled while pouring the bitter liquid into a polka dot mug I forgot I packed away.

"_I never understood that saying. When a person gets hit by a truck they're typically covered in cuts, bruises and debris, not to mention blood. Last time I checked I am not critically injured." _ Spencer rattled out. I was about to open my mouth when I was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"It's probably Emily, I'll go grab my bag" I informed Spencer, motioning him to answer the door. I returned less than a minute later with my maroon leather satchel and met Emily in the living room. She was wearing black jeans and a quarter sleeved grey v-neck, accompanied by black leather booties with slight heal.

"_Hey you look cute" _She told me while scanning my appearance. _"Ready?"_ She asked with a smile. "mhm!" I squeaked. We said our informal goodbye's to Spencer and headed out the door. _"Spencer tells me you're a sci-fi fan, how do you feel about seeing The Invasion?"_ Emily said while we approached her grey chevy cruze. "That'd be awesome! I've seen the other film adaptations and read the book numerous times, but it's one of those stories that never get old." I climbed into the four door vehicle. _"Agreed" _Emily replied, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. There was an incredibly awkward silence between the two of us for half the duration of the car ride. About seven minutes into the drive, Emily spoke up.

"_So I hear you're an amazing dancer, take AP art classes, and participate in musicals. How is it being someone so artistically inclined and living with a walking statistic?" _ We both chuckled out loud while I fished for an answer. I thought for a moment, and then put my thoughts into words.

"Well, it's interesting. Every time I bring up anything that includes creativity he basically breaks it down into facts. A lot of what he says is genuinely fascinating, and makes for good conversation, but he takes things very literally. I don't think he knows what to do with me to be honest. He's fairly clueless. But he's I don't mind living with him, I actually like it." I responded while we exited the car and headed towards the movie theater. _"Yup, that definitely sounds like Spencer."_ Emily laughed, and I laughed in return.

Emily bought our tickets and ordered popcorn for the two of us, but I didn't plan on eating it. Processed foods didn't sit well with me, and the calories were through the roof. Plus we were going to lunch after the movie and I didn't want to fill up on junk. We slipped into the specific theater about a minute before the movie started, so the small talk was put on hold.

An hour and a half later, the movie came to a disappointing close. _"Not exactly what I was expecting..."_ Emily mentioned as we departed from the theater. "If they amped up the physiological aspect of the story line and if the politics weren't so distasteful the film would have reached the viewers more accurately" I babbled as we jumped into the car. I received an unreadable stare from Emily. _"I think you're hanging around Spencer too much"_ She added. I giggled in response, she was probably right. I did sound more and more like Spencer as the days went on. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

"_So, where to for lunch?"_ Emily asked as she started the car. A part of me started to panic- I was not a decision maker. I didn't like them, especially when it came to food. I always feared I would choose somewhere terrible and the other person involved would hate it. "Oh, um, you pick" I shot out at warp speed. _"I picked the movie, you pick the restaurant"_ Emily replied. I couldn't. I felt too awkward. "No its okay you can choose" Emily gave me a strange look. _"Are you sure?" _she asked. "Yeah totally" I smiled, attempting to cover up the awkwardness. _"Okay, how about the diner?" _ I wasn't very familiar with the area yet, but I knew there was only one diner and that one diner was referred to as just 'the diner' opposed to its actual name. "Sounds like a plan" I replied as Emily drove towards the highway.

The car ride was silent for the most part, to my surprise ending not too long after it started. We entered the establishment and were quickly seated into a booth by a rather striking boy, maybe three or four years older than me.

"_Good afternoon, my name is Tom and I will be your server. Can I start you ladies off with a drink?"_ His voice had a positive tone to it, something I hadn't been around in ages. Even when Garcia, the most optimistic person I have ever come across spoke, there was a tinge of sadness to its quality; like you could tell there was some form of turmoil behind it.

"_I'd like a coffee"_ Emily spoke up. Tom's head turned to my direction. "Coffee" I practically squealed. My voice had a tendency to become incredibly high pitched when I got nervous, which was quite embarrassing. _"Alright, I'll be back soon"_ Tom said as he walked into the kitchen. I felt sufficiently awkward.

"_I don't know about you but I'm starving"_ Emily opened her menu and began to peer at the options. I chuckled at her comment and began to do the same. There was soups, salads, burgers, wraps, sandwiches, sides, and of course breakfast foods. It was overwhelming. Food was overwhelming. Eating in a public setting made me paranoid, like everyone was judging me and watching me stuff my face. It was ultimately uncomfortable.

Tom returned with our coffee and asked for our orders. _"I'll have a cheeseburger with a side of fries"_ Emily recited and handed him her menu. "Um, I'll have a bowl of broccoli and cheese soup please" I too handed Tom my menu. _"Alright, it'll be right out"_ Tom retreated back into the kitchen once again.

"_That's all you're going to eat?"_ Emily caught. Apparently I was good at raising suspicion.

"Yeah, small stomach I guess" I looked down and fixed my coffee with four sugars, hoping Emily would just dismiss the issue.

"_You're 5'6 and weigh what, 105 pounds soaking wet? You could use more food than that" _Emily laughed and so did I, attempting to avoid answering. Emily's expression turned from joking to concerned, well of what I could see since I directed my vision to my lap. It was then that I remembered I was sitting across from an FBI profiler who was probably picking me apart at that very moment. I'm not sure why I thought I would be able to get away with anything when I was surrounded by the best minds in the country. This was most definitely a disadvantage of living with Spencer.

"_So, that waiter, do you think he's cute?"_ Emily leaned in and said in a quite sly tone.

"What, him?" I pointed to Tom waiting on another table. "I mean, uh yeah, um he's okay I guess" I staggered while fidgeting constantly, receiving a cunning smile from Emily.

"_You're body language says it all. I feel like a predator saying it but he is one fine looking fellow"_ Emily sipped her coffee. _"Look here he comes"_ she perked her head in his direction and five seconds later he arrived with our food.

"_Here you go ladies, can I get you anything else_?"He asked first making eye contact with Emily, and then me. I shook my head and Emily said no, leaving Tom to draw back into the kitchen. We finished up around twenty minutes later, small conversations about school and Star Trek in between. We left Tom a good tip of course, and headed back to the apartment.

"Hey Emily, I have a question" I said during the ride home.

"_Alright, shoot"_ Emily glanced at me, then back at the road.

"Spencer was acting very strange this past week, do you know why?" Emily hesitated answering. I assumed it was because of the case, and I couldn't get it out of Garcia so I figured Emily was my best bet.

"_I shouldn't be telling you this, but you'd find out sooner or later. Two teenage girls, just about your age were abducted and one of them turned up dead. They were being held by two boys they went to school with. We saved the other one in time, but Spencer witnessed one of the boys die right in front of him. He was in shock mostly, but it really hit him after we got home."_

I stayed silent, letting my answer sink in. It wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but I wasn't surprised either. I didn't put much more thought into it after that.

We pulled up to the parking lot around 3:45 and said our goodbyes. I thanked Emily for everything and headed on up the seven stories. I strolled in the door and found Spencer brewing a cup of coffee.

"_Hey how was it?_" He asked looking up. I stood there smiling at him. He looked around the room confused. I walked towards him and wrapped my arms around him torso, and squeezed.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Hey! So I hope I portrayed Emily properly in the last chapter. It was a lot harder than I thought. Anyway, Jenna will now embark on her journey to school. I broke it down into two chapter because it would be too long otherwise. I apologize for the delay, enjoy!

Chapter 18

It was Sunday, August 30th, the day before my first day at Garfield Prep. I was beside myself to say the least. My books were all set in my taupe canvas back pack, my heinous uniform was hung up on my closet door, and my mind was a mess. I didn't have any friends, I barely knew where my classes were, and I was taking on a full course load. Each school has its own system: which cliques interact with which, who was on the top of the food chain, what you could and couldn't do, and what you could get away with. I knew none of that. Absolutely none.

I stayed in my room for a majority of the day, with the occasional visits from Spencer trying to calm me down with statistics on the success of new students. I appreciated his effort, but it didn't help much. I tried to pace myself with the eight cigarettes I had left, and ended up only smoking three. I figured they would be the last I had for a while, or until I found another source to get them through. I was surprised Spencer hadn't picked up on my habit yet, I thought a profiler like him could figure out almost anything about anyone within five minutes of meeting them. Either he was respecting my privacy and refraining from profiling me, or he was being naïve, if that was possible.

I barely slept that night. I wasn't sure if it was because of my nerves or the seven cups of coffee I downed. I woke up at five the next morning, and my bus wasn't scheduled to arrive for at least two hours, giving me more time than I was comfortable with. I didn't like waiting around, the anticipation bugged me.

I had my ceremonial morning coffee times two and jumped in the shower. Even after taking as long as I possibly could to scrub myself clean, I was out by 5:45. I attacked my hair with a blow-dryer and soon a flat iron, then boycotting the idea of makeup. I had enough to worry about for the following day without the possibility of my eye liner running. I striped my uniform from its hanger and first slipped on the white button down, then the dark blue crew neck sweater. Dreading the entire process, I zipped up the blue plaid skirt hitting about two inches above the knee. As if it wasn't ugly enough, the thigh high white socks and penny loafers really topped it off. The overall product was fairly horrendous.

I grabbed my book bag and headed into the kitchen frantically, my mind darting back and forth from "It'll be great! Everything will go smoothly and everybody will love you" to "No one's going to like you, you may as well just call the place Dante's Inferno". I saw no sign of Spencer, until I found a note next to the coffee pot that I must have missed earlier.

_Good luck today! Take a bus to the BAU after school if you can- the team wants to hear all about your first day._

_-Spencer_

I through the note in bag as a sort of good-luck charm and headed out the door and around the block to my bus stop. I was the only one there, which made me question if I was in the right place, and if I wasn't I was screwed. Soon enough, the big fat yellow school bus came trekking down the not-yet-bust street. As I walked down the aisle, I received head turns and stares from every student I passed. Feeling more awkward than ever, I chose the closest unoccupied seat to the front of the bus. Whispers ensued, but I was too anxious to listen.

We arrived at the school shortly, making everything all too real. As I walk along the cobblestone pathway surrounded by healthy grass and small trees, I observed students reuniting with old friends, chatting about their late summer nights and family vacations, recapping their carefree days spent on the beach soaking in the sun. I couldn't help but envy them for it. They had the luxury of ignorance, whereas I didn't.

I walked through the hallways and dropped a few books in my lockers, all the while generating stares from every individual passing by. The first period bell rang and the halls emptied as everyone fled to class, which for me was English. I entered the practically vacant room and sat in the front row, as I usually did. Just as I was getting out my books, a voice chimed in from the door way.

"_Jenna?!"_ the voice shouted. Puzzled at how anyone could know my name already, I perked my head up and saw it was Ana, accompanied by a slightly taller blonde girl.

"A-Ana? Um- Hey!" I replied, still taken back. She took the seat behind me, and the light haired girl in the seat next to her.

"_You didn't tell me you were going here! Oh, this is my friend Arianna; I think you two will get along well"_ Ana introduced. I exchanged a smile and a wave with Arianna, pleased that I made a new friend, well, we weren't exactly friend yet, but whatever.

"_So how's your first day? I can't imagine its going too great, this school is a hell hole"_ Arianna spoke up. "_Don't scare the poor girl Ari!" _ Ana responded, but I giggled. "Well, too soon to tell I guess" Before either Arianna or Ana could reply, the teacher came in and started class.

"_Where's your next class?"_ Arianna asked after the bell rang, signaling the end of the period. "Um, Algebra II/ Trig" I said. _"No way! Me too! Here, I'll walk you there" _Arianna offered. I smiled and complied.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: this is part two, hope you like it!

"So, how do things work around here?" I piped up on stairway. _"You mean what's acceptable, what's not, and who's who?"_I nodded in response. "_Well, most of the teachers are easy to get along with, but there are a few who I'm convinced rose from the gates of hell. Oh and if you cut class no one hounds you for it. Just like every school there are the burn outs; the 'academic animals' as some would call them, basically just the super smart kids, which I can tell by your schedule you'd fit in with; the jocks of course, who are essentially assholes; and then you have the theatre kids. No one really ventures out of their clique, so there aren't usually any big social issues. Where did you fall in your own school?"_ Arianna spoke at such a rapid rate it was hard to keep up. "Oh, well definitely the theatre crowd." I replied.

Arianna stopped dead in her tracks and turned to me with a gaping smile. _"No way! Me too! What productions have you been in?" _She was beaming. "I've played Little Red Riding Hood in Into the Woods; Anita in West Side Story; and Svetlana in Chess. I've also been in Little Shop of Horrors and Guys and Dolls, but I was just in the ensemble." I said practically to the ground. _"Jeez, you must be inanely talented!"_ I blushed ferociously. I always felt uncomfortable when people complimented me, often because I never believed it. _"Hey, we put on our musicals during the fall here, and we're having a meeting on Friday before auditions next Monday and Tuesday, you in?" _Arianna asked. I didn't even need time to think about my answer. "Um- of course! What show?" Honestly I didn't even care what the show was, I just needed to get back on stage. _"Drum roll please!"_ I quickly patted my hands on my thighs. _"Les Miserables!" _Arianna nearly squealed. My eyes widened out of sheer happiness and a tinge of fear. The fact that I only had a week to prepare for an audition for possibly the best show ever written (in my opinion at least) was incredibly nerve racking. "I'll definitely be there!" I smiled. After the words left my mouth the bell rang.

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. I enjoyed it though; I missed the intellectual stimulation, even though I got a great deal of it being around Spencer. The classroom setting made me feel somewhat normal. Ana was only in my English class, but I had English, Math, Chorus, and Chemistry with Arianna. She was a sweet girl, wicked funny too. She was an average height and weight, had long blonde hair with complimentary blue eyes, a skin shade in between me and Ana's, and was all around gorgeous to say the least. I was glad I found people who that I shared interests with, and I was even more glad that they wanted to hang out with me.

I took the school bus back to the main square at 2 and then hopped on another bus to the BAU, as Spencer requested. I didn't actually know where to go or how to get a visitors pass, so I relied on my memory of the architecture and landscape. All went well; the guard remembered my face and gave me directions to the bull pen. I was hoping that they weren't terribly busy, then I would just feel totally in the way.

I spotted Emily and Derek surrounding Spencer's desk also immediately.

"_Hey mini-Reid! How was your first day?_ Derek asked, taking my bag from me and plopping it next to Spencer's chair. _"Yeah how was it?"_ Emily added, followed by Spencer saying _"Do you like your classes?"_ If they were anything, it was consistent. "It got off to a rocky start and was a tad overwhelming, but overall it was actually pretty okay. My classes are great, they seem like they'll be a breeze. My teachers are nice, they appear to be highly intelligent as well, not like some of the past ones I've had. Although I'm questioning my Russian teachers' capability of speaking the language." The group let out a chuckle.

"_My god mini-Reid, you sound just like pretty boy over here"_ Derek grinned, Emily laughed and Spencer gave a surprised glare.

"_Are you implying I sound like a fifteen year old girl?"_ Spencer retorted. "Or that I sound like a 26 year old man?" I shot back with a smirk. Derek looked back and forth at us, and looking across at Spencer was basically like looking in a mirror. _"I think he's trying to say you spend too much time together"_ Emily jumped in. She was probably right.

"_Guys?"_ A voice from the catwalk called. The three agents including me looked up at an apologetic looking JJ with a manila folder in her left hand.

"_Damnit, really?"_ Derek snaped in an annoyed manor.

"_Sorry"_ JJ frowned. _"Wheels up in thirty" _She added. _"Oh, and I hope school went well Jenna, we'll go over the details after we get back"_ She said while walking toward Hotch's office.

"_Are you okay with me leaving? I could ask Hotch is I could sit this one out if you don't want me-" _Spencer pleaded.

"No, it's okay, go. They need you there, I'll be fine for a couple of days" I replied. I wasn't thrilled he was leaving during my first week of school, but I could handle it.

"_Okay. Call Garcia if you need anything. I'll check in with you when I can"_ Spencer exclaimed. He didn't seem thrilled to be leaving either. "Alright, now go kick some butt" grinned and thought about pulling him into a hug, but never acted on it. By that time Derek and Emily were gathering there things, so I picked up my bag and headed for the doors. "Goodbye guys! Hope you catch him, well, or her!" I shouted halfway across the bullpen and received goodbyes in return. I caught a bus back to the apartment, put my feet up on the couch, and let the day sink in.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Here's chapter 20! I'm skipping around a bit and jumping from mid season 3 to the very beginning of season 4 so things will come along faster. And thank you guys for all of the awesome reviews, they make my day and really influence my writing. Thanks so much! Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 20

"Ugh, why can't I find anything suitable?!" I threw my song book across my room in frustration. I had spent the past two days trying to find a ballad to sing for my audition in just a matter of days. I hadn't even begun looking at monologues yet. I grabbed another book and flipped through the pages, passing musical after musical. "WAIT!" I screamed. "That's it! I'll sing _A New Life _from_ Jekyll and Hyde_!" I screeched to myself in the empty apartment. The song was a mezzo-soprano range, whereas I was a soprano, but on such short notice I needed a song that I was already familiar with that I knew I could pull off. Spencer was still away on a case, so that meant I could practice as much as I needed without interruption.

I started on my monologue searching, coming up dry. It didn't have to be gender specific, which I guess was supposed to work in our favor but it did nothing for me. It only had to be close to a minute long, so that did help. After hours, and I mean hours of searching I settled on the closing monologue from V for Vendetta. It was short, heartfelt, and easy to imbed my emotion into.

It was strange not challenging myself. Usually, if I'm going to audition for a show I absolutely love, I choose pieces with more difficulty. If I had more time, I would have, but time is something that just can't be controlled no matter how hard we try.

According to Arianna, the competition for roles was ridiculously high. Maybe that's why I wasn't challenging myself, I didn't want get my hopes of getting a part, or even getting in. Out of the 200 or so kids who try out, only about fifty get in. I was new, my 'talent' was unseen, and I still didn't know the group dynamics, so getting in would be a miracle. Well, not exactly a miracle, but a pretty awesome accomplishment.

Spencer arrived home that Thursday night, looking more exhausted than usual.

"Hey, how was the case?" I asked out of half curiosity and half courtesy. He dropped his go bag next to the front door and sat down across from me on the sofa. _"Nerve racking, complicated, worrisome, and flat out disastrous"_ Spencer repeated, running his hands over his face out of fatigue. "W-what happened?" I asked quietly. I wasn't expecting a full answer, I knew he couldn't give that, but a little is better than nothing. He sighed and paused with his elbows on his knees for a few moments before explaining.

"_There were shootings in New York, followed by bombings killing the first responders. We were working with the New York field agents, one of whom Hotch had known for years. The UnSub placed a bomb under Hotch and agent Joyner's SUV and it blew up as they were approaching it" _

My initially half-shut eyes burst open out of shock. No, no Hotch had to be fine. I would have gotten a phone call or an email or anything of the sort. _No, no._

"What?! Is-is he okay?" I tried my best not raise my voice for the sake of Spencer's ears.

"_Yeah, he's fine, he has __shrapnel__ wounds and a __punctured eardrum__, but agent Joyner didn't make it. That's all I can tell you, sorry"_

I wasn't sure if I should console him in some way or not, so I stayed silent for a couple of minutes. "Well, I'm glad you're home and everyone's okay" I rested my head on his shoulder, which I think came as a surprise to him.

"_Me too. Hey, it's late and you have school in the morning. You should get some rest and so should I" _We both lugged our bodies down the hall to our bedrooms, more than ready to sleep the night away. Just before we retreated into our rooms, Spencer spoke up with his head turned slightly in my direction.

"_Oh yeah, Jenna, I almost forgot, JJ's pregnant"_

Wait, _what?_


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Hey! To answer your questions, yes, Spencer will find out about Jenna's issue and she will find out about his drug addiction and Tobias Henkel! I do have a plan for that, and it will happen soon, I just need to get in more bonding time with them first. Thank you for all of the reviews, I love em!

Chapter 21

I woke up Friday morning bright and early in time for school. I was excited for the day ahead of me. First of all, Friday meant I had the entire weekend in front of me do as I pleased. Second, it was the day of the meeting for Les Mis.

Arianna had been doing a great job on getting me caught up on the social aspect of the theatre group. Who would stab you in the back for a role; who lets parts go to their head; and so on and so forth. Ana had been too, but not as much.

I finished getting ready with a half an hour to spare, and ventured out to the kitchen for a final cup of coffee. To my surprise, Spencer had already beaten me there.

"Hey Spenc, why are you up so early?" I asked quietly. He looked like a train wreck.

"_Couldn't sleep"_ He responded tiredly. I nodded and poured the hot liquid into my already used mug, then sat on the countertop next to Spencer's standing body.

"So, is JJ really pregnant?" I sipped on the bitter sweet beverage. "_Maybe I should start adding cream" _ I thought to myself. No harm in being adventurous.

"_Yeah, yeah she is"_ He spoke looking down. I studied his body language carefully, sensing distress.

"You don't seem very thrilled about it" Spencer began to pour himself a cup of coffee too, mainly to prevent me from noticing his muscles tensing.

"_No, I'm happy for her, really I am"_ He replied, making no eye contact. I studied him for a moment before coming to a juicy conclusion.

"You like her! You have a crush on JJ!" I exclaimed. It seemed like a viable assumption. Why else would he be so down about it?

"_Shouldn't you be getting to school?"_ Spencer said, looking me in the eye this time. I looked at the clock and realized if I didn't leave then I would miss the bus.

"You're lucky you're right" I hopped off the counter and grabbed my bag, heading towards the door. "Bye Spenc, get some sleep" I shouted, and then headed on to the bus stop.

I walked into English and saw Arianna, but no Ana. I felt bad, I had been getting closer with Arianna than I was with Ana, who was my first friend here. Ana didn't seem like she was trying very much, and I think Arianna noticed that too.

"Hey, where's Ana?" I asked her while taking my books out.

"_Probably at home, not sure. We're on the outs right now"_ That explained a lot.

"I'm sorry, that's unfortunate" I replied, Arianna shook off the subject. I took it Ana wasn't auditioning for the musical, which was surprising because I figured she was part of the theatre crowd. Guess I was wrong.

The day droned on, but soon enough came to an end. I met up with Arianna and we headed to the choir room where the meeting was being held. Once I walked through the doors, I felt relatively overwhelmed. The room was filled with at least 150 kids having their separate animated conversations. They were loud, very loud. I recognized some faces from the hallways and a few from my classes, but no one I had spoken to.

"_Don't worry, I won't throw you to the wolves. Just stick by me it'll be fine"_ Arianna smiled and guided me to where we usually sat during chorus. A few passing people said hi to her, looked me up and down and kept walking. _"Don't worry about them, they just don't take kindly to outsiders. Give them time"_ She proclaimed. Great.

I looked around the room at the different walks of life, my eyes stopping halfway through my scan. "Who's that?" I asked Ari, pointing to a lone boy in the back of the room. He had his face down in a book, totally disconnected from the commotion around him.

"_Him? That's Matthew. He's probably our most talented guy in Garfield. He's a quiet kid at first, but once you get to know him he's fun to be around. He's very unusual, though._" Ari explained. Something about him was oddly intriguing.

"_Why? Do you think he's cute?"_Ari turned to me gushed.

"W-what? N-no I don't even know the-"

"_Hey Matthew! Come here!" _Ari screamed across the room. Awesome.

He perked his head up and closed his book, tossing his bag over his shoulder and heading out way.

"What are you doing!" I whispered to Ari, receiving only a sly smile in return. Matthew took the empty seat to her and turned his body towards us.

"_Hey Ari, what bring me over here?"_ He asked, the entire time I was looking at the ground. He was actually really, really cute. His hair was either a deep brown, almost black, which clashed beautifully with his near ice blue eyes. He was pale, almost as pale as I was. He had the basic amount of muscle as any other teenaged guy, but nothing overbearing. I'd pin his height around 5'8 to play it safe.

"_Matthew, this is my friend Jenna. She just moved here from Baltimore" _Ari clarified.

"_Hey"_ Matthew directed to me and stuck his hand out. I shook it in response. "Hey" I replied in my accidently squeaky tone. It was strange that we shook hands, teenagers didn't typically do that when first introduced. Maybe Ari was right, he was a tad unusual.

We were interrupted by the arrival of our director, , who also happens to be our chorus teacher. She was a short, plump woman. From what I had heard she was a joy in class, but when it came time for rehearsal you may as well refer to her as Lucifer.

"_Hello everyone, as you all know my name is , and I will be you're director. I take it you all know the plot line of Les Mis and the characters as well, but just in case I will be passing out a informative sheet latter on. I would like you all to know a few things before you audition: You will first be required to sign a contract stating that you are available for every single rehearsal, both after school and weekend. You are expected to show up despite doctor appointments, illness, work load, or laziness. Also, I will not tolerate bad attitudes, disrespect or disobedience._"

This woman already had me frightened.

"_During the next four short months, those of you who are casted will be fully committed to this. As many of you have experienced, families are formed during shows. You bond with people you never thought you would. You put your trust into each other to perform up to par and that takes a lot. I know about the drama that goes on behind the curtain, but the second you step out on that stage I expect you to leave it all behind."_

She paused for a moment, but no one dared to say a word. She really knew how to hold an audience. Mostly because she her main enforcement was fear.

"_Now, auditions will be this upcoming Monday and Tuesday. You are required to sing a ballad and recite a quick monologue. All girls are obligated to complete the dance audition on Tuesday at 4:30. Callbacks will be on Wednesday, and the cast list will be posted ONLINE at 3pm Friday. Grab the necessary sheets on your way out and sign up for a time slot. Now go home!"_ Mrs. Bates finished her spiel and retreated back into her office. Everyone stood up and headed for the doors.

"Is she trying to scare the crap out of everyone?" I asked Ari, seconds later noticing Matthew was walking with us too.

"_Yep. She tries to intimidate people as much as possible so less people try out and she only gets the passionate kids. Don't worry though, she's not nearly as bad as she sounds. But she is serious about the contract. Breaking the contract gets you on her bad side."_ Matthew responded before Ari could. _"Once you get to know her, she can be a lot of fun to work with" _He added on, tilting his head in my direction and smiling.

"_Well, I'll leave you two alone. Bye!"_Ari waved and began walking away. I internally cursed her for leaving me with a stranger. A cute stranger, but a stranger.

"_Going to the buses?"_ Matthew said, pointing due north.

"_So, what brings you here from Baltimore?" _He asked curiously. This, was a question I was not well equipped to answer.

"Um, I moved in with my older brother, Spencer" I prayed he wouldn't ask for details.

"_Huh, really? Why is that?"_ Well, my prayers weren't answered.

"How about we save that question for a rainy day?" I tried to say in the perkiest way possible. Matthew looked a little confused, but shook it off.

"_Alright then. How old is your brother?"_

I assumed this would end up as a game of 20 questions.

"He's 26" I replied, still making our way to the busses.

"_What does he do for a living?"_

He was either just nosey or trying to get to know me.

"He's an FBI agent in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. He studies the behavior of serial killers and such and hunts them down"

At that point I had loosened up a bit. I figured if I wasn't relaxed in a conversation it would make it ten times harder. Even though I didn't know him very well, I didn't mind answering Matthew's questions. He was curious, and I was willing.

"_He hunts serial killers? Wow, that's intense. You don't hear that everyday"_

Well, he was right.

"_Oh, well this is my bus. Bye Jenna"_ Matthew smiled and jumped onto the steps.

"_Bye Matthew" _I waved back, walking a few more feet to my bus and hopping on as well.

Spencer was in the arm chair reading when I arrived around 4pm. _"Where have you been? School let out two hours ago"_ He said in a suspicious tone. I wasn't expecting him home, but yet I wasn't expecting him to be at work after such a rough case either.

"There was an informative meeting for the fall musical so I stayed after and took the late bus home" I stated calmly while I paced over to the kitchen for a cup of jello.

"_Musical? What musical?"_ I forgot I hadn't had the chance to tell Spencer about it.

"My school is putting on a production of Les Mis and there was a meeting to discuss how everything worked" I answered, plopping down on the couch and retrieving the television remote.

"_Oh, well, okay then. What's Les Mis about?"_

This was going to be an interesting couple of months.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: Hey! So this chapter is veered towards bonding. Well, for the most part. I hope you like it!

Chapter 22

_I was in a white room, surrounded by at least a dozen identical doors. I went around to each and jiggled the handle, finding all were locked but one. That one door led to a bathroom, a bathroom that shared a striking resemblance to the one in my childhood home. Curiosity feeding my movement, I step closer and closer to the over flowing tub, tinted crimson. As I got closer and closer, a figure appeared in the liquid._

_No, Jenna, this isn't real. Wake up._

_I blinked repeatedly, but I was still in the same dreaded place. I stepped closer and closer, reaching my hand out to turn the pale outline._

"_Mom?" I said shakily, tears threatening to fall. Abruptly, the head turned and the entire body suddenly began to rapidly decompose. Maggots crawled under the greenish-black botchy skin, if you could even call it skin anymore. The jaw dropped open and out came hundreds of cockroaches and beetles and flies. Terrified, I backed up quickly but tripped. I scattered across the floor, trying to put as much distance in between me and the corpse of mother. _

_It's just a dream, it's just a dream_

_Just as my back hit the door, the scenery changed. I was now in the closet of my aunt and uncles bedroom, peaking through a small crack in the sliding doors. MY aunt was screaming at my uncle, he was drunk again. "You're a dead beat no good rotten excuse of a man!" My aunt Joanne shouted with a finger in his face. That's when he snapped._

_He leaped up and grabbed her by the throat with one hand and slammed her head against a glass picture frame on the wall. The actions made me flinch out of fear, which caused my head to hit the shelf above me generating a loud thump. My uncle immediately whipped his head and stared directing through the crack in the closet door. Not even seconds later, he charged and ripped the white pieces of wood apart. _

"_Eves dropping, eh? Well, wait till you see what I've got in store for you"_ _His smarmy voice made my bones shake in fear. He grabbed me by the hair on my head and dragged me out of the room._

"_Let go of me!" I shrieked over and over again, but no one heard me. My head began throbbing from the pull of my hair. Kicking and screaming, I tried and tried and tried to break free, but I failed. All of a sudden, he threw my body against a hard wall and began pacing. I struggled to haul my limp body, but before I got two feet I was met with a foot to the face._

"_No, you're not getting away this time" His voice seemed to encase me. It shot at me from every angle. _

"_Please, just let me go" I cried, desperate for everything to stop._

"_No, not until I'm finished with you" His sinful smile churned my stomach. Through my blurred vision, he began unfastening his belt. _

"_NO, NO GET OFF OF ME GET OFF OF ME!" I screeched and screeched and then-_

"_JENNA, JENNA WAKE UP!"_

My eyes burst open and I was back in my bedroom at Spencer's. I was shaking, violently, and a layer of sweat covered my frail body. Spencer sat on the edge of my bed with his hands gripped on my shoulders. His dark, concerned eyes were trying to find mine but I was too frantic to fixate on any one thing. My pillowcase showed evidence of descended tears, something it was much too familiar with.

"_Jenna, Jenna it's okay, you're awake now"_ Spencer whispered in a reassuring tone. My attention was darting around the room, almost like I didn't believe I was there. All of a sudden, my stomach flipped and I felt a giant lump traveling up my esophagus. I lurched over and heaved into the trash pale I was thankful I placed beside my bed. Spencer placed his hand on my spine, but quickly removed it when I cringed. I sat up and wiped my mouth with a tissue handed to me by Spencer, and we just sort of sat there for a moment while I kept my eyes pointed down at my comforter. I could feel Spencer looking at me, profiling me. I was too shook up to care honestly.

"Spencer?" I looked up and said weakly, thinking my tears were all gone. Once his gaze caught mine I instantly began to cry again. Spencer pulled me into his hold and stoked my hair gently as I wept. No one had done that for me in nearly ten years.

"_Shhh, it's okay it was just a dream, it was just a dream"_ Spencer spoke softly.

"No, it wasn't just a dream" I mumbled into the crook of his neck. "It happened, it really happened"

A few minutes later I calmed down enough to pull myself away from Spencer. The time read 5:28, and I knew by then I wasn't getting back to sleep.

"I'm sorry I woke you up so early. Go back to bed, I'll be fine" I urged Spencer. He had had such a rough week, and I knew he hadn't been sleeping well, and I felt bad disrupting him with something as miscellaneous as a nightmare.

"_You don't need to apologize, Jenna. You had a nightmare, they're a terrible demon to fight I know, I've been there. Here, follow me to the kitchen I'll make you some tea."_

I don't remember how I got to the kitchen table, but I found myself sitting in one of the wooden chairs with my legs crossed over each other. I tried detangling my massive amount of hair that was now down to hips, but had no such luck. A few moments later, Spencer placed a mug filled with what I assumed was earl grey tea in front of. I didn't even know we owned any drink other than coffee and milk.

"_Jenna, you said it wasn't just a dream, and that it happened, was it a memory?"_ Spencer seemed sort of like he was interrogating me, not in his tone of voice, but more of his stare and the wording of his question.

"Yeah, most of it. The last half more than the first." I replied, monotone.

"_Can you run me through it?"_ It was the question I feared would come. I knew he wanted to help, so I ignored how uncomfortable it made and pushed through.

"At first, I was in my mother's bathroom. As I walked closer and closer to the tub, I-I noticed the water was dyed red. I went to see if my mom was okay but as soon as I touch her she began to rot, a-and there were bugs everywhere, coming out of her mouth and crawling under her decaying skin" I managed to be holding myself together fairly well.

"Then all of a sudden I was in my aunt and uncles bedroom closet" I started.

"_Is this part entirely a memory?"_ Spencer intently asked.

"Yeah, yeah it is. Anyway, they were fighting, a-and my uncle drunk again. All of a sudden he snapped, and grabbed my aunt by the throat. I got scared and knocked a few things over in the closet and he came charging after me. He...He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me down the hallway" I swallowed the lump I felt forming in my throat.

"He threw me against the wall, a-and when I tried to get away he kicked me square in the face" I could see Spencer's muscles tense as I revealed more and more.

"I begged for him to stop, but he wouldn't. Th-then he started undoing his belt and then-" I got too chocked up to continue. I looked across at a worried Spencer, regretting telling him everything I did.

"_Then what, Jenna?" _he whispered tenderly. I didn't have the guts to tell him what really happened next.

"Then I woke up" I lied.

"_Are you sure?" _I had a feeling Spencer knew I wasn't telling the truth, but at that point I didn't really care.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure" I lied again. Spencer kept his gaze on me, I suppose waiting for me to change my mind.

"_Okay"_ He said skeptically and leaned back in his seat. We sat in silence again, the only hints of noise being our separate sips of tea.

"_Since doubt either of us will get back to sleep, how do you feel about a Doctor Who marathon?"_ Spencer offered with a warm smile.

I grinned affectionately in response, something I didn't think I would be able to do for a while.

"I'd love that, Spenc, I really would"


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Hey! So I'm really glad you all liked my last chapter. Your reviews seriously make me smile! Anyway, here's chapter 23! I'm sorry it's kind of short in comparison to my last few chapters, but I needed filler before Jenna's audition. The next chapter will be up by tomorrow night, promise!

Chapter 23

That Saturday was exactly what I had needed. Well, minus the nightmare part of it of course. We had no interruptions, no distractions, just Doctor Who and a pile of blankets.

Spencer slept on my bedroom floor that night, and rest assured no nightmares invaded my head.

I spent Sunday trying to keep as busy as possible. I finished the miniscule amount of school work I had within twenty minutes, which left running through my audition pieces and whatever else I could think of. I didn't want to over rehearse because that could be potentially disastrous, so I only dedicated about an hour or so to that. Sooner or later I resorted to cleaning. I started with just my bedroom, but ended up traveling to the bathroom, living room, and kitchen. I organized the refrigerator by food group, dairy with dairy, fruit with fruit, that sort of thing. I also rearranged the cabinets, putting the least used mugs at the back and the most popular in the front. I wasn't sure if Spencer would notice or not, but at least it kept me busy.

Monday rolled around and I was a nervous mess. I had my audition in a little over 24 hours, and even though I was confident I knew my lines and I could hit the proper notes, I didn't know what to expect. Yes, I had been through the audition process numerous times, but at a new school with a new director, it could be an entirely different experience.

"_Hey" _I heard a voice come out of nowhere as I was walking to Chorus. I turned my head to the left and saw that it as Matthew. Definitely not who I was expecting. Yet I don't know who else I would expect it to be, I only talked to two people in the entire school.

"Oh- um, hey" I was surprised he initiated contact. I wasn't expecting to speak to him after the meeting, since he mostly kept to himself.

"_Nervous for your audition tomorrow?"_ He asked, only half looking in my direction.

"Only mildly, what ballad are you singing?" I asked, trying to keep conversation.

"_Now that, is classified information" _Matthew smirked, slightly showing his perfectly white teeth.

"Ah, I see, because of course I'm going to steal a bass' song the day before my audition and call it my own" I joked, both of us giggling.

"_Hey, stranger things have happened!" _Matthew threw his hands up in protest. I was surprised, it didn't feel awkward. Even though we barely knew each other, I was relaxed, which was a relief from my usual anxious self.

"Yeah, sure" I said sarcastically.

"_What time slot did you sign up for?"_ Matthew asked about halfway to the choir room.

"3:35 tomorrow, and yourself? Oh, unless that's classified too" I joked again, generating a chuckle form Matthew.

"_Ha ha, very funny. I'm scheduled for 3:50. Do you want to go to the practice room and rehearse before hand?"_ Normally, if presented with this question I would choke or turn red, but for some reason I was totally calm. I knew it was in a friendship manor, so maybe that's why.

"Um, yeah, sure that sounds great" I answered as we walked into Chorus.

"_Cool, meet me there right after school then?"_

"Sure, see ya then" We both gave a wave and he went off to the bass section I sat down in the soprano section next to Ari.

"_What was that about?_ Ari asked suspiciously. Her audition was later that day, so I didn't feel bad that I wasn't hanging out with her before my audition tomorrow.

"Oh, Matthew just wanted to know if I wanted to rehearse in the practice room before our auditions tomorrow" I immediately knew what she thought.

"_Oh my god! Kind of like a date?"_ she somehow whispered yet squealed.

"No! it's just two friends preparing for an audition"

Ari gave a doubtful glare. Just as she was opening her mouth to give her 'opinion' of our plans, came out of her office and class begun.


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Hey! So this is part one of Jenna's audition. I wanted to make it just one chapter, but it would be too long and wouldn't work out properly. Part two will be posted by tomorrow night! Hope you like it!

Chapter 24

Tuesday. Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday. Nervous ? Yes. A frantic mess? Double yes.

I took an extra dosage of my anti-anxiety pills that morning, something my doctors, and probably Spencer would frown upon. But hey, what they didn't know didn't hurt em'.

I didn't run into Spencer before I left for school, but he did leave me a 'break a leg' note by the coffee pot. Small, but thoughtful.

According to Ari, her audition went fantastic. I took her word for it, since I had never actually heard her sing or seen her act. I had no doubt she was talented, and she had tons experience to back it up.

I was completely unfocussed in nearly all of my classes. My teachers noticed, since I almost always sat in the front, but they didn't seem to care.

The ninth period bell rang and my heart rate sped up tenfold. It slowed down a bit when I remembered I had plans to warm up with Matthew. I usually hated when I was one on one rehearsing, especially with someone I didn't know very well, but nothing about Matthew seemed usual.

I arrived in the practice room before Matthew, hoping he remembered our plan. I pulled out my Russian homework to knock out some of my work load for later while I waited. I wasn't sure how much of it was actually correct because my mind was too busy racing with everything that could possibly go wrong.

"_Hey, you're heart beat out of your chest yet?"_ Matthew entered the sound proof room and dropped his bag down next to mine.

"Not just yet, but pretty close" I replied, readjusting my glasses so they wouldn't fall off the bridge of my nose.

"_Don't worry, it's easy once you get in there"_ He pulled up a chair across from the piano bench I was resting on.

"_Starting your homework now? Wow, studious"_ Matthew laughed. I responded by forcefully nudging him in the shoulder.

"Better than having hours of work to do later. Besides, it's nothing too difficult" I guess I had an influence on Matthew, because instead of protesting he pulled out his work too.

"_How about we work until 3:00, then rehearse until it's time to audition?" _ Matthew proposed about ten minutes into our 'study session' if you will.

"Sounds splendid" I smiled. We spent the designated amount of time on our work, a bit of small talk and joking around in between. I ended up finishing all of homework, but Matthew and I didn't work at the same pace so he still had a small amount left. He was very intelligent I discovered, I was actually surprised we didn't have any classes other than Chorus together. I later learned we had an almost identical course load, except I took AP Russian and he took AP French.

"_Russian? I didn't even know the school offered that! How many people are in your class?" _Matthew exclaimed as we were putting chairs and stands in order and taking out our sheet music.

"About ten" We both chuckled for a moment.

"_Why Russian? Do your parents speak it or something?" _ He asked innocently, but it took me back. I slowed my movements down while I tried to figure out how to answer without altering the mood of the room.

"Um, no, uh- my dad left when I was little and my mom died when I was six. When I was living with my aunt and uncle I had a Russian nanny who taught me the language" I tried to sound as unemotional as possible. I don't think I had never told anyone something that personal in such a short time of me knowing them, and if I did I was definitely not as composed.

I continued gathering my sheet music and avoided eye contact with Matthew. The silence that filled the room was much too loud for my liking. I could feel Matthews stare piercing through my skin as I flipped through my Chorus binder in search of a warm up song. I really, really regretted blabbing my mouth.

"So, how about we start with a simple arpeggio scale?" I offered, hoping we could just move on and discard everything I said.

"_I'm really sorry, Jenna"_ Matthew's eyes looked for mine, which they eventually found. Despite how many times I had heard that same exact phrase, I still didn't know how to respond. I shrugged my shoulders and fished my brain for an answer.

"It could be worse" I finally came up with. "Okay, let's start on do" I switched the topic quickly and we sang various scales, breathing exercises, and loosened our muscles. Singing with a tense body puts strain on the vocal cords and makes singing a lot more complicated. If your body is relaxed, your voice will be too.

I looked at the clock and realized I had less than ten minutes until my audition.

"Shit! Okay, uh, I can do this. Yeah, it'll be fine. Everything will go great" I whispered to myself, forgetting Matthew was in the room and also forgetting people don't normally talk to themselves.

"_I bet you'll do great. Do you want me to play it for you so you can run through it once before go?"_ Matthew chuckled at first, but his offer was sincere. No, no, no no, no, no no no. I was already nervous enough, I didn't need the extra stress of wondering what he thought of my voice.

"No, it's really okay, I'm better off saving my voice" That was a total lie, but I just needed an excuse.

"_Alright then, Break a leg, Jenna. I'm rooting for you"_ Matthew grinned and chuckled.

"Thanks, see you back here in a few" I waved and flung out the door.

I waited in the hallway outside of the Choir room and filled out my conflict sheet, deciding I wouldn't list dance because that could potentially impact her selection. I could always switch my classes to work around rehearsal.

I ran over my monologue in my head, just as the other dozen students around me were doing. I was always taught that being nervous was a good thing- that it kept you on your toes, prevented mistakes.

"_Jenna Reid?"_ I heard a voice call from the door way.

"Yes, that's me" I raised my hand shyly and approached the unfamiliar face.

"_You're up, go on in"_

A giant stone suddenly formed in the pit of my stomach. I entered the room and it was just behind the piano, no one else.

"_Hey! Come on in! Jenna, right? You're in my sixth period if I'm correct"_ voice sounded remarkably pleasant. My nerves were lifted just slightly.

"Um, yes I am" I smiled as I advanced towards the piano.

"_What will you be singing for me?"_ turned to me, beaming.

"_A New Life_" I grinned and handed her the sheet music. I tried my best to mask the trembling of my hand.

"_AH! Jekyll and Hyde! Great choice. Stand at the back of the room, would you dear?"_ Mrs. Bates instructed kindly. By the back of the room, she meant the wall opposite the piano, which was only about ten feet away.

"_Okay, are you ready?"_

I paused for just a moment, just trying to process everything.

"Yes, yes I am"

As Mrs. Bates played the introduction, I wasn't sure if I could go through with it. I barely had time to think before-

"_A new life, what I wouldn't give to have, a new life" _

Once I sang that first line, I knew it was going to be alright. My fears evaporated, and the song carried me. Not to sound cocky, but I think I knocked it out of the park.

"_Beautiful! Now, what's your monologue from?" _ was still bright and cheery, so I must have done something right.

"The movie V for Vendetta" I accidently squeaked.

"_Nice choice! Go"_

I pushed Jenna Reid out of my mind, out of the room, and for that brief moment in time, became Evey Hammond.

"_Remember, remember, the Fifth of November..."_ On and on I went, or shall I say, Evey. Less than a minute later Jenna Reid inhabited my body and all was back to normal.

"_Amazing job, thank you Jenna. The callback list will be posted tomorrow. Would you send in the next one?" _ asked as she scribbled on a piece of paper.

"Of course, thank you!"

I trotted out into the hall with a skip in my step.

"_I guess it went well?" _Matthew asked.

"That's classified information" I joked with a smirk, receiving a laugh in return.

"I'd love to stay until you go in, but I have to get changed for the dance audition. Break a leg" I lightly punched him in the arm and dashed off to the girl's bathroom.


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Hey! So this is the next chapter as promised. Enjoy!

Chapter 25

"_Alright everyone! Grab an index card and write down any dance experience you have. Then, I will teach you a combination and you will perform it in groups of four"_ The choreographer, shouted above the group of chatting girls. I changed into a pair of navy blue cotton shorts over nude tights, a long sleeved black shirt, and my nude jazz shoes. It didn't match whatsoever, and made me feel incredibly self conscious, but it was best to wear body hugging clothing to a dance audition so they can see how you move. Many girls were wearing similar attire.

"_So, how'd it go?_" Ari asked while stretching.

"I think it went well, well at least I hope" I struggled to say as I pulled my right leg up behind me and tugged on it until my body was at a 110 degree angle.

"_Jesus Christ how did you get your leg to do that?!"_Ari acted as if she had never seen a dancer stretch.

"Twelve years of practice" I giggled and relaxed out of the position, switching to the other leg.

Before any other conversation could ensue, collected our cards and made us form four lines on stage left.

"_Okay, I'm only doing this twice so pay attention" _ demonstrated a simple ballet combination slowly once, then at a faster pace. Arabesque to the left, pas de chat, arabesque to the right, glissade jete, glissade jete, ending in a single pirouette. Easy enough.

We rehearsed the combination a few times until we had to go up in groups. Four after four, girls chuckled and turned red at their inability to portray the movements. I don't blame them, if you're not used to doing them they aren't easy. There were a few a girls who you could tell were real dancers, a couple who could dance but weren't trained, and then the ones who had no coordination whatsoever.

Ari and I were among the last group to go, which I wasn't particularly broken up about. I soon discovered Ari danced until she was twelve, why she quit I don't know, but she knew what she was doing.

"_Alright girls, you can go home now. Call back list will be posted tomorrow between fifth and sixth period"_ addressed and gathered her bags to leave. I was too lazy to change back into my uniform, so I exchanged my jazz shoes for my penny loafers. They looked exceptionally silly, but I didn't really mind.

I arrived home around the same time as Spencer, around 5:45. He had been coming home from the BAU early the past couple of days, so I wasn't very surprised.

"_Hey how'd it go?"_ He looked up from his case file to ask. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my bags on the mat next to the door.

"It went well, but I don't want to jinx anything" I replied, settling in on the couch next to him and switching on the television. Spencer just nodded and went back to his file, and after rotting in front of the television for a good three hours I headed off to bed.

The next morning I was calm, until I got to school and was reminded about the call back list going up. Everyone was buzzing with who they thought would get what part, and who go head to head. I didn't know many of the names they mentioned, since I still only knew two people, but I did pick up that they thought Matthew would get Jean Valjean. I could definitely see it happening.

I met Matthew just outside of the library after fifth period to walk to Chorus together.

"_So, you nervous to see the list?"_ He asked completely loosened up.

"Just a bit, yeah. I'm keeping my expectations low so I won't be disappointed if things don't go my way" I stated.

"_I'm sure your name is on the list, even though I've never heard you sing. You can tell by the way you carry yourself that you have a hidden talent. You're modest about it, too" _Matthew seemed like he was profiling me. It was strange, very strange.

"Oh? Am I now?" I giggled, Matthew nodding in response. My heart started beating faster and faster as we approached the music hall. When we entered, there was a swarm of thespians crowded around the small bulletin board across the Choir room.

"_Alright! Coming through, make way!" _ Matthew proclaimed, earning a slight push from me. I squinted and slowly analyzed each name on the list, ending up having to do it over again because I couldn't comprehend them.

I passed Ari's, then Matthews, still not finding mine. Just as I was nearing the end of the list and giving up hope of seeing my name, there it was. _Jenna Reid, third from the bottom._ My jaw dropped to the floor.

"_See! I told you!"_ Matthew shouted over the sound of excitement from the people around us. I jumped with joy and ended up in a two second embrace with Matthew, broken up by our laughter and Ari trotting over to look at the list.

"_AH! Yes!"_Ari too gleamed with excitement. _"Looks like we've got some competition, though"_ Ari explained to me and Matthew, well mostly me because Matthew already knew who was a threat.

"I'm just happy I got a call back" The three of us giggled.

The day proceeded on, I texted Spencer with my news and he told the rest of the team. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. If I ended up not getting a part, then it would be sort of embarrassing to tell them. I found it best to just shut my mind off and hoped for the best.

After school, everyone who was called back headed straight to the choir room. Everyone seemed to be apprehensive, but for some reason I wasn't. I was lucky just to get this far. came out of her office around ten minutes later with stacks on stacks of papers.

"_Alright, let's make this as quick and painless as possible. I'm going to have each of you read for the parts I could see you in. Now just because you read for a certain character doesn't mean you will get that part, or even get a part at all. Now, come up and grab these papers as I tell you" _

First, Ari read and sang for Cosette and Eponine. It was the first time I had heard her voice, and it was astounding. It was classically trained I could tell, but did not possess the overly coached sound so many people acquired. It was crystal clear, right on pitch, and all together pleasant to the ear.

Matthew read for Marius, Enjorlas, and Valjean as expected. I then understood why everyone made a big fuss over him. His voice was so rich, so potent, so utterly astonishing I never wanted the songs to end. His acting was exceptional as well. He really dug into the charter he was challenged to portray.

Mrs. Bates had me read for Cosette and Fantine. I also sang small snippets of _A Heart full of Love_ and _I Dreamed a Dream_, both of which went very well. My acting wasn't the best it could be, but it wasn't terrible either. Although, Mrs. Bates could have been thinking the exact opposite. I decided to keep my thoughts neutral.

"_Thank you everyone, you all did wonderful. I'll be posting the cast list at 3pm Friday on the musicals blog that you can find through the school website. Thank you and go home!" _Mrs. Bates wrapped up the call back in time to catch the 4:00 bus with a few minutes to spare.

"_Wow, you've got an incredible voice on you" _Matthew caught up to me as I was exiting the music hall.

"I can say the same to you" I grinned. Neither of us had to say thank you, it was already implied.

"_What part are you shooting for?"_ Matthew asked as we continued walking. I had to think for a moment, but I found my answer shortly and knew it was the right fit.

"Fantine, definitely. Yourself?_" _I replied. Matthew didn't hesitate to answer.

"_Valjean is my first choice, but Marius would be great also. I think you're right for Fantine, I see some of her in you." _Matthew smirked shyly.

"Oh, so I'm an abandoned woman who had to leave her daughter with abusive innkeepers and in order to pay her fees I turn to prostitution and sell my hair and two front teeth, then get arrested, and then rescued, only to die soon after?" I said sarcastically. We both laughed and Matthew gave me a slight push of the shoulder, causing me to stumble a few steps.

"_You know what I mean! You're trusting, shy, and you have a sense of innocence to you"_

I directed my face to the ground as I smiled timidly. We both chuckled at my lack of response. I was glad I found a friend who didn't get offended if I remained silent.

"_You'll get the part, I know it!" _Matthew shouted at me as I boarded my bus. I smiled and waved as a form of response. The more I thought of it, the more I wanted the role. Correction, the more I _needed_ the role. It sounds dramatic, I know, but I needed something to put my all into, to dedicate 100% of my time to. I hadn't felt so determined to get something for longer than I cared to remember.

Spencer didn't come home until late that night, and when he arrived he went straight to his bedroom. I figured he just had a rough day, so I wasn't insulted when he didn't ask how the call back went. I felt a bit selfish actually. I knew Spencer had been having a hard time lately, he wasn't sleeping well and something was bothering him, I just wasn't sure what, and I was too busy thinking of myself and stressing over auditions to talk to him about it. Maybe I was over thinking things, or maybe I really was being self centered. Either way, I found the only solution was to hop into bed and put all thoughts and worries on hold. For seven hours at least.


	26. Chapter 26

AN: Hey! So this chapter is kind of intense. There maybe be some triggering content in it for some, just giving fair warning! Hope you like it!

Chapter 26

Thursday seemed to drag on and on and on. With the anticipation of the cast list going up on Friday, my nerves were through the roof. I tried my best to keep myself occupied with school work and what not, and was surprisingly triumphant. Time still ticked by slow, though.

"Hey Spenc" I addressed Spencer when he walked in the door around 7pm.

"_Hey" _He answered, tiredly. He sluggishly dropped his messenger bag on the coffee table and sat down in the arm chair next to the couch, letting out a sigh.

"How was work?" I asked, hoping to get more than a one or two word answer out of him.

"_Fine I guess"_ He answered in his thinking tone. I left a few seconds for him to continue speaking if he felt the need to, but I was only met with silence.

"What's on your mind?" I piped up, again hoping for a more descriptive answer.

"_Nothing in particular" _He shook his head and frowned, not breaking his gaze at the floor.

"Spenc, it doesn't take a trained profiler to realize you've been acting strange lately" I slid over to the other side of the couch to be closer to the large arm chair Spencer was currently taking up. "What's bothering you?"

"_Your dream- nightmare I mean, you said it was a memory"_ Spencer turned his head to mine and tried to find my eyes.

"Is that was this is about?" I asked, half anxious and half confused. Why would Spencer still be stuck on a nightmare I already healed from?

Spencer gave a pleading look, one of those 'just-answer-the-question' ones.

"Yeah, yeah it was" I said uncomfortably, breaking eye contact. I was prepared for conversation about Spencer, not a conversation about a broken Jenna.

"_What happened when you lived with them?" _Them meaning my aunt and uncle I assumed.

"What do you mean?" I acted as if I didn't understand what he was searching for, but I knew full well what he was searching for.

"_You know what I mean"_ He urged. I took a few moments to gather my thoughts and memories, internally cringing at their presence. I was suddenly struck with an overwhelming wave of heat radiating throughout my entire body. I gulped and quickly tied my lengthy hair into a high pony tail, trying to stall as much as possible. Once situated, I hiked up the courage to speak.

"At first, they were just neglectful. They hired a nanny almost immediately after they got stuck with me, she was a nice woman so it wasn't all that bad. They got rid of her when I turned twelve; they thought I was too old to have someone doing everything for me. I learned to do a lot of things on my own, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I was still technically a kid. That's when things went south" I looked up from picking at my nails to find Spencer completely absorbed in my story.

"My aunt Joanne was just spiteful really, always making rude comments about my appearance or spewing degrading slurs. Not exactly the best encouragement for an already screwed up girl on the brink adolescence" I gave a nervous laugh, trying to get the point across to Spencer that I didn't want to continue. He was less than receptive.

"My uncle Chris wasn't around much, but when he was he was terribly drunk, and when he drank he got belligerent. At first he was just verbally cruel, nothing I wasn't used to. But, after a while of that it turned physical. First he started lashing out and beating my aunt, b-but eventually one wasn't enough and he moved on to me as well" I felt a lump forming in my throat as I saw Spencer's muscles tense out of my peripheral vision.

"_Jenna, you said he started unbuckling his belt and you yelled "get off of me, get off of me", Jenna did he rape you?" _The bluntness of Spencer's question and the nature of it sent me through a whirlwind. I had never been presented with such a personal question in such a frank manor. I was so dumbstruck I didn't even know how to answer, so I resorted to my usual tactic: pretend I was completely and entirely perplexed.

"What makes you think that?" I realized my plan sounded a lot better in my head. I basically backed myself into a corner.

"_Despite what you told me? You flinch every time someone touches you. You're noticeably depressed, constantly anxious, insecure, and you often isolate yourself and avoid contact. These are text book signs, Jenna"_ Spencer put his words as gently as possible, but they still angered me. Not so much at him for addressing the issue at hand, but more at myself for not covering up my emotions as well as I thought I did.

I felt my eyes begin to water and instantly panicked. I sighed and abruptly stood up off of the sofa to head straight to my bedroom.

"I'm tired, I'm going to sleep" I stated as monotone as possible. Just as I was nearly passed Spencer in the large leather recliner, his hand jut out and grabbed me by the arm.

"_Jenna-" _He began, but I cut him off before he could carry on.

"What does it matter? What happened, happened and there's nothing anyone can do to fix it" I tried to contain the rage in my voice and was what I thought successful. I yanked my arm from Spencer's grip and journeyed to my room.

My tears backed away, but the fury was still running rampant. My chest started to constrict, something I hadn't felt in ages. I knew there was only one way to cure this combination, and the answer lied in a blade.

I reached under my bed and pulled out a small, old jewelry box my mother gave me on my fifth birthday. Inside were the few childhood sentiments that survived the past number of years. Residing among these items was a film canister, where I kept my razors. I sat still for a moment, contemplating if I would really go through with it, mutilating my skin further. Seconds later I found the cold metal pressed against my right arm. I paused and grabbed an old t-shirt to catch the blood that would soon fall, not wanting to leave the evidence on my carpet.

The blade sat there, just pressed lightly against my ivory skin. With hesitation, I dragged the thin metal across my arm pushing down harder and harder until I saw the crimson liquid that ran through my veins start dripping out onto the garment I placed around it. I sliced again and again, progressing three quarter up my arm. It took until that far to feel the full release of my demons. It was as if they flowed out with my blood, cleansing my body. It was almost like a drug, and equally as addicting.

I calmly waited what seemed like hours, but was really only twenty minutes for my blood to clot enough for me to climb into bed without staining my sheets. I rested my head on my pillow and waited for sleep to incase me.


	27. Chapter 27

AN: Hey! So the last chapter was really intense to say the least. I hope this one is more upbeat, I think it is! Enjoy!

Chapter 27

I woke up Friday morning, almost forgetting what occurred just hours before. It was only when I looked down at my carved up arm did I recall the events of the previous night. I felt guilty. Guilty about how I treated Spencer when he was only trying to help. Guilty about slicing my skin after holding out for so long. Guilty just for the sake of feeling guilty.

I winced as the hot water of my shower ran over my fresh wounds, making them sting relentlessly. I forgot how painful the aftermaths of my episodes were.

I proceeded to get ready, carefully maneuvering so my cuts wouldn't open or cause any extra pain. When I walked out to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee before I left for school, I found Spencer doing the same. Right away, I felt the awkward tension in the space between us. He noticed me and scooted over so I could reach the mugs and continue with my morning ritual.

We were silent for the most part, I think neither of us really knew what to say. I had to scrounge for something, I couldn't take the overwhelming feeling of guilt.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. You were reaching out and I was unreceptive" I apologized into my coffee cup, the air too uncomfortable to look directly at Spencer.

"_Don't be, you had every right to respond the way you did" _Spencer didn't seem bothered by my poor behavior. If only he knew what followed.

"No, really I was out of line. You were just trying to help" I loosened up a bit, knowing Spencer wasn't angry. He didn't put up a fight to my objection, instead just did that strange flat line smile he does when he doesn't know what to say and nodded.

"The cast list goes up at 3:00 today" I stated in an attempt to spark up some sort of conversation.

"_Wow already? That was quick"_ Spencer answered shortly. _"What part are you hoping for?" _He added on.

"Fantine" I replied just before taking a large gulp of my coffee. I had to rush the conversation a bit if I wanted to make the bus.

"_Well I hope it works out. The team is really rooting for you"_ Spencer gave an encouraging laugh to coincide with his sentence, resulting in a chuckle from me.

"I'll call your work line with an update later" I said hopping off the counter and grabbing my bag.

"_Oh, okay, I look forward from hearing from you"_ Spencer replied as I headed out the door and to the bus stop.

With the combination of an emotional night, and the anxiousness the cast list carried, my day was less than easy. Concentration was not even an option at that point. My mind was all over the place, it couldn't fixate on a single thing for more than a few seconds at a time.

"_Freaked about the cast list?" _Matthew brought up on our walk to Chorus.

"Y-yeah, I guess you could call it that" I tried to avoid mentioning anything else but my thoughts on the musical. The more I thought, the more I found I wouldn't be able to tell either Ari or Matthew about what happened. I couldn't let them gain knowledge on how screwed up I really was. I figured if I kept it to myself, I wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone.

"_Well, may the best man win"_ Matthew and I giggled. I could tell he was trying to heighten my mood, but was only mildly successful.

"_Okay everyone! Sit sit sit!"_Mrs. Bates called as she walked to front of the choir room.

"_To those of you who auditioned for Les Mis, I would like to thank you. It's been harder than you could imagine narrowing down the final list. I want you to remember that just because you didn't get the part you wanted, or maybe you're best friend got a part and you didn't, that it isn't the end of the world. There is no need to throw a fit or be bitter, because that way you're ensuring yourself a wretched experience. I wish you all the best of luck."_ Mrs. Bates' small speech was a helpful one. It eased my nerves, made me perk up a bit. For all of twenty minutes that is.

Time seemed to tick slower and slower by the minute. After what felt like days, the ninth period bell rang and I was off to the busses. I practically sprinted back to the apartment, too shaky to even jam my key in the door properly. I arrived at around 2:15, giving me exactly forty five minutes to kill. I tried reading, watching tv, even cleaning, but nothing seemed to speed up time. I finally resorted to just sitting at my computer tapping my finger on the keys and refreshing the page, hoping by chance Mrs. Bates posted it early. No such luck.

At exactly 3:01, I refreshed the page for the last time.

I slowly, slowly read down the list of characters that would now be taken on by my peers. Matthew, first on the list, earned the role of Jean Valjean, as expected. I smiled at his fortune, I knew that at that same moment he was probably jumping around like an idiot.

Ari, would soon take on the role of Cosette. I was ecstatic- I knew she desperately wanted the part, and she rightfully earned it. I expected a phone call consisting of repetitive squeals.

My heart started beating faster and faster, to the point I thought it was going to beat out of my chest. Then, a few moments later, it stopped entirely.

"_Fantine- Jenna Reid"_

There it was, third line from the top. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped to the floor. I had to read it over and over again to make sure I was reading it correctly.

"I-I GOT IT! I GOT IT!" I jumped up and screamed, my voice booming through the empty apartment. I stood frozen, utterly astounded. My jittering hand hastily dialed Spencer's work line, the phone ringing five times before he picked up.

"_Hey Jenna, you're on speaker and I have the team with me, what's the result?"_ Spencer carefully asked. I paused for a moment and took a deep breath, knowing if I didn't I would probably pass out.

"I-I got it! I-I got Fantine!" I contained my excitement as much as possible for the sake of their eardrums. There was an eruption on the other end of the line.

"_Congratulations!"_

"_I knew you could do it Mini-Reid!"_

"_No way!"_

"_Oh my Munchkin did it!"_

"_Congrat's Jenna!"_

"_Felicitazioni!"_

"Thank you!" I managed to spit out through the choking fit that ensued after my announcement.

"_W-wow, I'm really proud of you Jenna"_ I head Spencer say through the rest of the team's chatter. I didn't think I could get any more surprises thrown at me, but that was one of them. No one had said that to me since I was six.

"Thanks Spenc." My tone was calm, since I had gotten over the initial shock. "Tell the team thanks again" I said, needing a few minutes to myself to let everything sink in.

"_Will do. I'll see you when I get home"_

We said our goodbyes and I made additional congratulatory phone calls to Ari and Matthew, both of which were just as excited I was. I later on sat on the fire escape outside my window thinking of how incredible this experience was going to be. I was playing my dream role, I had two concrete friendships, and a solid support system. Yes, it was going to a boat load of work and incredibly time consuming, and I knew I would have to work my butt off to make it all work, but I knew it would be worth it. I knew that the end result would surpass expectation. I knew it would be exceedingly difficult, but I was ready. Ready to make it work.


	28. Chapter 28

AN: Hey! So to answer some questions, Spencer will meet Jenna's friends soon, once they get into the swing of rehearsal. So here's chapter 28! Enjoy!

Chapter 28

I involuntarily signed up for a ballet partnering class, which inconveniently took place every other Saturday morning. I wasn't keen on having yet another thing to do, especially on the weekends, but it was better than lazing around all day. The class was going well, until I was dropped directly onto my right hip during a presage lift overhead.

"SHIT!" I shouted as my hip collided with hard wood floor. The studio had a strict no cursing rule, but when it came to injuries they swept it under the rug.

"_Jenna are you alright?"_ My instructor Leah dashed over when she heard my descent to the ground. My partner stood behind me, not exactly sure what to say or do. He was only about 13, so he was at his peak of social awkwardness. He just turned red and tried not to get in the way.

"Uh, y-yeah I-I'm fine" I pushed through my clenched teeth while gripping my throbbing hip.

"_No you're not. Josh- take her to bench and get some ice" _Leah ordered. Josh was 16, and insanely built. He had been dancing at the studio since he was 3, and it showed.

"No- it's fine I can walk" I protested, carefully standing up. I took two steps, or shall I say limps, and a wave of pain radiated through my entire leg. I slammed my hand down on the barre to keep me from crashing to the ground.

"_No, you can't. Let Josh carry you to the bench and he'll get you some ice"_ I didn't complain and let Josh scoop me up and take me to the bench just outside the room. He placed me down cautiously and disappeared, returning with ice soon after.

"Thanks for your help, you can go back in now" I insisted, and Josh complied. I sat out for the remainder of class, ice pressed to my side. I was ultimately pissed that I even got partnered with the smallest kid in the class, and that it resulted in this set back.

Class let out, and I was Spencer walk through the front door with a puzzled look on his face as I was talking to Leah.

"_I don't want to see you here for at least another week. I'll inform your other instructors so they don't get angry. Ice it when you get home too, and try to limit your movement. I hope you feel better Jenna" _Leah rubbed my shoulder and retreated into the back room. I stiffly stood up, all weight on my leg side. I was hobbling over to my bag when Spencer paced over to me.

"_W-what happened why are you limping?" _He shot out in his worried tone.

"I got dropped on my hip" I repeated while trying to pick up my bag, wincing at the pain it conveyed. Spencer swooped in and through it over his shoulder for me.

"_A-are you okay to walk to the car? Do you need me to carry you?" _Spencer said frantically. I guessed he wasn't used to things like this.

"Spenc, no offense but you have the upper body strength of a ten year old girl" I laughed, trying to calm the mood. "The ice had numbed it for the time being, I'm fine" I began tottering out of the studio in front of Spencer, just wanting to get home. When I stepped out on the concrete side walk I realized I forgot to take my pointe shoes off. I needed a new pair anyway, so I didn't sweat it.

I limped with Spencer by my side through the lobby, into the elevator, and into the apartment. Too lazy to change out of my tights, black leotard and light blue warm-up shrug, I headed straight to the couch. Spencer placed my bag down next to me, and I pulled out the half full bottle of water I brought with me.

"_Where's the pain?"_ He asked, returning with a heating pad.

"It mostly my right hip, but it spreads down my leg when I put pressure on it or make any form of movement" I rested my neck on the arm of the couch, my long pony tail draping over it.

"_Do you think we should get it X-rayed?"_ Spencer asked, taking precaution a bit far. A hospital was the last thing I needed.

"Spenc, I took a fall and bashed my hip, I didn't get shot" I giggled, trying to reassure him I would be fine.

"I'll have a nasty bruise and I'll be sore for a while, but I should be up and running in a couple of days. No worries" I bolstered again.

"_Alright, if you say so. Do you need me to you anything?" _Spencer asked, probably already knowing what I would say next.

"Coffee?" I grinned, Spencer chuckling at how predictable I was.

Immobile, I resorted to reading anything I could get my hands on. Spencer came and went, either to hand me more reading material or state some random fact on the healing of hip injuries. I wouldn't even call it an injury, just an irritating set back.

"_I called the team and they all hope you feel better"_ Spencer mentioned while handing me and cup of jello.

"Oh-you didn't have to call them, it's not that bad" I replied. Before Spencer could respond there was a knock at the door. Spencer marched over with a confused expression, both of us wondering who it could possibly be. He swung the door opened and sure enough, on the other side was the entire team.

"_Why is it you never let me know when you're coming over?" _I heard Spencer greeted them.

"_Cause nothings better than that look on your face every time we show up" _Derek joked, patting Spencer on the back. I would have gotten up to hug them as they entered, but due to the circumstances I couldn't.

"_Hey Mini-Reid what's shakin?"_ Derek moved on, approaching the couch and giving me a half-hug as I remained laying down.

"_Hey Jenna! Ah, I remember the days of athletic injuries. I don't miss them in the slightest" _A somewhatswollen JJ declared. JJ used to be captain of her high school soccer team, so she could relate. Even though soccer and dance are more different than a like, the same rules applied.

"_Jenna, long time no see. I hope you're feeling better"_ A stern faced Hotch said from beside a smiling Rossi. I was beginning to think I would never see him crack a smile. I didn't think his facial expression was necessarily related to his existing emotions, more of a habit at that point.

"_What are we going to do with you?" _Rossi chuckled and leaned over to kiss me on the top of the head.

"_Hey Jenna, how are you feeling?"_ Emily came towards me next, sitting down on the coffee table across from the couch.

"Worn out and sore" I laughed. I was happy to see everyone, despite my current state.

"_Out of my way out of my way! I need to get to my munchkin!" _The unmistakable voice of Garcia boomed through the small crowd.

"_Ah! Munchkin how do you manage to get hurt enough to demobilize yourself and still look cute as a peach?!"_Garcia was carrying what looked to be a collection of snacks, movies, reusable ice packs, and a pair of fuzzy socks. I understood the entertainment and such, but the socks threw me off.

I looked down at myself after Garcia's comment and realized I was still in my dace apparel. I hadn't even gotten the chance to take my pointe shoes off. I all of a sudden became especially self-conscious. It was one thing being in such skin tight material in the studio, since everyone else was in the same thing, but among a group of profiling adults it wasn't exactly ideal.

"Uhm- I should go get dressed" I said, beginning to push myself up. Due to the lack of movement my entire body was stiff.

"_Nuh-uh, lay back down Mini-Reid you're not going anywhere" _Derek objected, only making me want to get up even more.

"No- really I can move, it's numb for the most part. I-I should get dressed" I proceeded to try and hoist my body up, being met with the two hands assisting me. Those hands belonging to Emily.

"Thanks, I'll be right back" I started limping my way to my bedroom when out of the blue the teams chatter came to a stop and before I knew it I had six sets of eyes on me. Spencer was just confused and his eyes were darting around the room.

"W-what?" I turned to them and gave a nervous laugh.

"_Nothing! Nothing go get changed" _Emily signaled for everyone to divert their stares. I nodded and continued to my bedroom.

I changed into a pair of black leggings and a loose burgundy sweater for comfort. I also slipped on a pair of plain white ankle socks to cover up damaged feet.

I cracked opened my door slightly, and heard the teams faint whispers. It was difficult to make out everything they were saying, but I could decipher a few lines.

"_Is she sick? She's gotten way too skinny, Spencer"_

"_She's almost skeletal, is she eating?"_

My heart sank at their remarks. Why was it that they could see what they saw, but I saw the exact opposite? It was unfair.

I noisily made my way into the hallway so they would stop whispering and not suspect I heard them.

"That's better" I sighed and plopped back down into my spot on the sofa. I acted as though I had no knowledge of their conversation.

They all exchanged concerned looks when they thought I wasn't in view. For profilers, they were not very good at hiding things.

"_So Jenna, or shall I say Fantine, tell us all about how you snagged such a memorable role in only two weeks at your new school"_ Emily quickly changed the subject.

I salvaged the amount of time the lightened mood lasted, knowing at some point I would be forced into another confrontation by Spencer. Maybe he would spare me the conversation and wait until I was repaired from the last one, or maybe he wouldn't say anything at all. It was all up in the air, which I did not find comforting. All I could do was wait, and prepare. Something I hated more than uncertainty.


	29. Chapter 29

AN: Hey! So this is chapter 29. By the way, I'm still loving the reviews! They never fail to make me feel all fuzzy inside. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 29

The rest of the visit with the team went smoothly. Lots of joking, lots of chatter. It was overall pleasant.

On Sunday my hip was feeling much better, sore mostly. A massive bruise stretched across my right side and a descended down the top half of my leg. Its hue of black, blue, and purple was a vicious combination. It was just as ugly as it was enticing.

Spencer acted like the teams concerns they shared with him were nonexistent. Either he didn't think it was a valid issue, or he didn't want to address it right away. I wasn't sure which one I preferred honestly: denial or hesitation.

He watched over me on Sunday to make sure I didn't aggravate the pain, bringing me anything I needed. I stayed in my room doing school work for a majority of the day, which was less than thrilling.

Monday rolled around, meaning another day back at school and the buzzing gossip of the cast results. Most of what I heard was positive, I even received a few 'congratulations' from people I had never spoken to, but would have to get to know sooner or later through rehearsals and such. Everyone seemed contents, with one exception.

"_I don't get it! She's been here for all of two weeks and already got a lead role. There are people who have been waiting years to get a part and she gets one after fourteen days._" I overheard a girl named Rachel ranting to her friends while I was putting my books in my locker before class. She clearly wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree if she was bad mouthing me when I was five feet away, although it didn't exactly feel great that people were talking about me in a negative fashion. I knew it came with the territory, but it didn't change things.

"_Don't worry about her, she's all talk"_ Matthew crept up behind me as Rachel and her social magnets journeyed off.

"Easier said than done, Valjean" I shot back in a mockingly-stern voice, reciprocating a smile from Matthew.

"_Linda wants to see all of the leads first period"_ Matthew informed me, but it would have helped if I knew who Linda was.

"W-who's Linda?" I asked skeptically.

"_Oh- Mrs. Bates. During the musical- she's Linda" _

I knew Garfield had its quirks, but that was just weird.

"Linda? It feels too strange addressing a teacher by their first name" I replied as we made our way to the choir room.

"_Don't worry, it'll catch on"_ Matthew smirked.

We arrived at the choir doors and ended up being two of the first people there. Mrs. Bates was sitting in her office typing away at her desk top computer.

"Hey Mrs. Bates, you wanted to see us?" Matthew and I popped our heads in.

"_Yes, come in! And since we are now on a 'professional level', please, call me Linda. Just not during class" _Mrs. Bates replied excitedly, or shall I say Linda. That would definitely take some getting used to. Matthew gave me an 'I told you so' stare, and I shot back a stubborn glare.

"_So, while we wait Jenna, tell me about yourself. You're the only cast member I don't know a thing about. What brings you to Garfield?"_ Mrs. Bates asked as we stood awkwardly in her office.

"Oh, um, I just moved here from Baltimore" I was hoping she wouldn't ask for details.

"_Wow that must be quite the change up. What brings you to Virginia? Did your parents get a job transfer?"_ There it was, the question I dreaded.

"A-actually I moved in with my older brother Spencer" I said with hesitance. Mrs. Bates looked slightly surprised.

"_Oh- that must be fun. How old is your brother?" _

"He's 26" I repeated.

"_26? There must be some crazy parties going on at your house"_ Mrs. Bates joked. I laughed at the thought of Spencer at a party.

"Quite the opposite" I chuckled.

"_What does your brother do for a living?"_

This was one curious woman.

I was cautious to answer. Spencer didn't exactly have a normal job.

"Oh-um, he works for the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. He studies human behavior and h-helps catch serial killers and other criminals" I said as perky as possible, trying to totally change the mood. Mrs. Bates' face looked half shocked and half intrigued. I took that as a good thing.

"_That is deliciously horrifying"_ She responded, earning giggles out of Matthew and I. The longer I was with Mrs. Bates, the more I realized she was a lot like Garcia.

Before any more questions could be asked, the rest of the principal roles filed in.

"_Ah! There you are!"_ Mrs. Bates commented on their arrival.

A wave of eagerness rushed over me when I saw the group of people who I would be working with for the next four months. Javert was to be portrayed by a senior named John, whose ego was bigger than the production itself. Eponine was soon to be depicted by a shy senior by the name of Emily. Marius was given to a junior named Ryan, who was apparently near impossible to work with. Enjolras was granted to a sophomore named Tom. Monsieur Thenardier and Madame Thenardier would quickly be taken on by two seniors, David and Sarah. Another senior, by the name of Brandon, was given the part of the Bishop. And of course, Ari, Matthew, and I, three sophomores would soon take on the profound roles of Cosette, Jean Valjean, and Fantine. Frightening? Yes. Would I have it any other way? Not a chance.

"_Okay everyone, I would like to chat with you before I talk to the cast as a hole. I have chosen each and every one of you with careful consideration, and asked you to fill the shoes of some of the most controversial characters this music department has ever seen. I put you in these roles because I feel you fit them best, not because of any bias I may have. Now you have to understand, these parts are not an easy thing to read into. You must utilize your acting skills to sink into your character. I'm presenting you with heavy, heavy material, and I trust you to deliver it passed your best ability."_ Mrs. Bates explained.

No pressure or anything.

"_Now, for the next four months, you will eat, sleep, and breathe this play. I will most likely need you at least three or four days during the week, and as curtain approaches, every Saturday. Here are your scripts, and I will hand out your sheet music as needed. There will be no rehearsal today, but I will need all of you tomorrow after school until the 4 o'clock bus. Alright, I'll see you in class!"_ Mrs. Bates apparently had a knack for delivering all information in speech form, and slipping in some additional intimidation.

I was anxious about starting rehearsal. I still didn't know a majority of my cast members, and it's hard to put trust into people who are basically strangers. Aside from that, I couldn't possibly be more excited.


	30. Chapter 30

AN: Hey! So here's chapter 30. I was going to break it into two shorter chapter, but figured I would just keep it as is. Enjoy!

_Episode 4x2- The Angel Maker_

Chapter 30

"_Alright cast, great first rehearsal, but you need to work harder. Be here tomorrow 2 o'clock to the five thirty bus for costume fittings. Now go home!"_ Mrs. Bates informed everyone and retreated back into her office. Costume fittings were always a blow to me already low self-esteem, so I was definitely not looking forward to it.

"_Hey how was rehearsal?"_ Spencer asked as he walked in the door at around 7 o'clock.

"It was good, we're still getting the feel of everything so there are some kinks to work out. I have a costume fitting until 5:30 tomorrow" I explained as I began consuming a bowl of cereal. As much as I hated eating the day before a fitting, or in general really, I need to get Spencer off my case.

"_Are you busy Friday?"_ Spencer inquired, retrieving a carton of left over Chinese food from the refrigerator.

"I have rehearsal until 5:30 but after that I'm free, why?" I answered skeptically.

"_The team is having dinner at Rossi's and we wanted to know if you'd join us"_ Spencer invited. I took a moment to respond to weigh the pros and cons.

"Oh, um- yeah sure, that sounds great"

I was pleased with the idea of spending time with the team. Although I had only known them for a little over a month, they almost simulated a family. The only set back was I knew the team would have me under a microscope. Watching what I ate, how much I put on my plate, analyzing every expression or movement I made. Not exactly my idea of a relaxing dinner.

"_Good, I'll let them know"_ Spencer replied and journeyed to the living room to look through a few extra files.

The next day was stressful. I had to write an in class Russian essay, no shorter than 300 words; I was forced to take a math test, chemistry quiz, and a history test, all of which fried my brain. If that wasn't enough, I had the added strain of my costume fitting.

"_Fantine! Come, you're up first"_ One of the costumers shouted over the crowd of the chatting cast. In one hand she held a clip board and pen, and had a light pink measuring tape draped around her neck. She didn't seem very welcoming, making the experience even more uncomfortable.

"_Arms up"_ She ordered, wrapping the tape around my bust, then waist, hips, and finally my head. I was thankful she didn't call out the numbers like so many others had in the past.

"_Alright, you're done. You need to lose three pounds between now and the performance, remember Fantine is supposed to be a beggar- she can't have meat on her bones"_ The woman's words were cold. Between Spencer and the team on my back about my figure, and her telling me not to alter it, my thoughts were whizzing though my brain. I didn't know who to believe: the team who called me skeletal, the costumer who called me meaty, or my mind that called me a mixture of both. I swallowed the lump in my throat and proceeded back to my seat next to Matthew and Ari.

"_So what orders did the wicked witch give you_?" Ari leaned over and sighed, looking slightly upset.

"What do you mean?" I answered, pretending I didn't know what she was talking about.

"_For example, she told me to lose ten pounds and told Matthew to 'build up his muscles', what's your prognosis?" _Ari groaned, and Matthew looking ticked off.

I pushed out a breath of air and began rummaging through my book bag when I felt a vibration.

"I have to lose five pounds" I mumbled through my teeth, half out of anger and half out of shame.

"_Are you kidding me?! You're already too skinny, if you lose any weight you'll snap in two"_ Ari pretested with rage. Now I really didn't know what to believe.

"Well apparently she doesn't see it" I scoffed while opening a text message from Spencer.

_A case came up, I'll be in Ohio until further notice. Go to Garcia if you need anything. I'll check in later._

_-Spencer_

"And to top off this extraordinarily rotten day, Spencer's off to Ohio" I grunted in frustration. I wasn't usually fond of Spencer traveling across the country to pursue a serial killer, but after the terrible day I was having that increased tenfold.

I folded over and planted my face into my hands, elbows resting on my knees, and let out a grumble. Matthew started rubbing my back, first generating a flinch on my part, but afterwards causing comfort.

"Do you guys by any chance want to stay over tonight? W-we could get a jump start on a few scenes" I found myself blurting out. I was sure I only thought it, but I guess I thought out loud.

"_I'm totally in" _Ari threw in.

"_As long as we can stop for coffee first" _Matthew replied.

"You read my mind"

We had to stay for the duration of the rehearsal, although no rehearsing was actually taking place. We hopped on the bus taking us to the square below the apartment building, venturing into one of the many café's provided along the streets. I ordered a light roast coffee with steamed soy milk, as did Ari, and Matthew ordered vanilla cappuccino. He also picked up a blueberry scone, offering pieces to the two of us but only received rejection.

We arrived back at the apartment at around 6:15, hot drinks still in hand.

"You can drop your bags next to the couch if you'd like" I informed Matthew and Ari as they absorbed their surroundings.

"_Jeez Jenna, have you read all of these?" _Ari asked, pointing to the hundreds of books Spencer had organized in alphabetical order.

"Not all of them, but I'm working my way through" I replied while kicking off my shoes. Matthew and Ari continued taking in the details of the apartment.

"Help yourselves to anything in the kitchen" I offered, hoping the two of them would wipe out some of the food so Spencer thought I ate it all. Soon enough, Matthew was rummaging through the cupboards and pulled out an assortment of chips, salsa, popcorn and cereal. My hopes were satisfied.

The three of us sat at the kitchen table, snacks spread between us. Ari and I sat next to each other and Matthew across from us. I brought over a few pages of homework to distract from my lack of food consumption, not entirely sure if they would notice. Between math problems and conversation, I noticed Ari wasn't eating either. She sat there admiring the spread, but not daring to even touch it. I didn't want to make assumptions, but from what I had seen we were fighting similar demons. She caught me analyzing her actions, and we accidently made eye contact. We gave each other an understanding nod, making a mental 'I won't say anything if you don't' pact.

We dedicated that night to a minimal amount of homework, a dash of rehearsing, and a satisfactory amount of movies and chatter. We had a blast just hanging around and being in each other's presence, something I was getting increasingly familiar with. It was soothing to know that I finally, finally had a safe place to land when the going got tough.


	31. Chapter 31

AN: Hey! Sorry this took so long to post, my internet wasn't cooperating. So this is dinner at Rossi's. Enjoy!

Chapter 31

"_Damn, you look like you've been dragged through hell and back"_ Matthew greeted me with just before rehearsal on Friday. He had skipped periods one through seven that day to finish an essay, so it was the first time I had seen him.

"Thanks" I retorted with a glare while opening up my script. I was exhausted, my body was aching, I was slightly trembling, and I was having increasingly distressing head pains. Needless to say, I was not in the mood to be anywhere but my bed.

"_Seriously though, what's up?"_ Matthew now asked with sincerity.

"I didn't get much sleep is all" I lied. I knew full well why my body was reacting the way it was. _I hadn't eaten in four days._

"_Didn't get much sleep, eh?"_ He replied skeptically, looking me up and down. I tried my best to focus on looking over my lines, pretending not to notice his stare.

"Mhm" I assured. I was saved from the conversation when Mrs. Bates emerged from her office.

"_Alright, I want to have 'At the End of the Day' finished so we can block it next week. Let's go!"_

Soon enough, the scene was done with and we were released. Worn out didn't even begin to describe my situation.

"Shit shit shit shit shit!" I shouted in the empty apartment at approximately 6pm, fifteen minutes before Spencer was scheduled to pick me up and head to Rossi's. I was having a hell of a time finding an appropriate outfit. My bedroom floor was littered with a variation of jeans, sweaters, leggings, blouses, and just about every other clothing category known to mankind.

Finally, I decided on a long sleeved, a-line black dress with a white peter pan collar, and black tights of course. I had to make sure to be careful of my sleeves, my wounds from the previous week were healing at an oddly slow pace and the last thing I needed was them to be noticed. I would be carted off for sure.

My exhaustion was obvious from the condition my face was in, so I tried my best to cover it up with a light layer of foundation. Since I was half made up, I figured I couldn't go wrong with a little mascara and a hint of dark eye liner. Subtle, but enough to mask the state I was in.

Spencer called from the parking lot to save time, and before I knew it we were off to Rossi's.

"Where exactly does Rossi live? I feel like we've been driving for hours" I stated while attempting to make out the darkness on the other side of my window.

"_Right...here actually"_ Spencer made a sharp turn onto a long winding road. Little did I know, that 'road' was really a driveway. A few minutes later the car came to a halt. I readjusted my glasses and lugged my lethargic body out of the car, preparing myself for what the night would hold. Gazing up at the enormous structure not fifteen feet away, both Spencer and I stopped dead in our tracks.

"Are you sure we have the right house?" I said in total shock. When Spencer said we would be having dinner at Rossi's house, I expected just that: a house. But no, this was a full blown mansion.

Before I could even absorb the full details of the stone formation, the mahogany double doors flew open.

"_Ah the Reid's have arrived!"_ A very cheerful Rossi threw his arms up and stood in the large door way. He had a dish towel thrown over his shoulder, and to my surprise an apron around his waist.

"Hey Rossi" I giggled as he pulled me into a tight hug, which caused a shot of pain due to my achy body. When I was finally released, he gave a kiss to the top of my head.

"_Everyone is in the living room, follow me"_ Rossi brought us into the foyer. The floors were a shinning marble, and seemed to go on forever. Two massive staircases on either side of the front room curved up and connected at the center, forming the second floor. We followed Rossi past the stairwell and through the immaculate kitchen, finally hitting a small living room containing two black leather couches, a glass coffee table, and five agents. Well, according to the bureau there were only three, because JJ was the media liaison and Garcia was the tech analyst, but in my mind with what they each contributed, they were nothing short of agents.

"_Hey look who finally showed"_ Emily smiled, triggering a wave of 'hello's' coming from the team. She scooted down the couch to make room Spencer and I to sit.

"Sorry, Boy Genius got us lost" I said jokingly, rolling my eyes.

"_Hey, you try driving in a dark wooded area where there happens to be no street lights" _Spencer retaliated. I just laughed it off, taking a seat.

"_So Mini-Reid, how are rehearsals comin'? From what pretty boy tells us, they're practically keeping you hostage" _Derek grinned and gave a chuckle.

"The rehearsals themselves are tough, we're constantly working for three and a half hours straight. We can goof around a bit, but if we get too distracted we get reprimanded. Our orders outside of school are ridiculous though" I replied. Mrs. Bates upon our second rehearsal gave us specific guide lines on what to do and not to do on our free time.

"_You were given orders? What kind of orders?"_ JJ spoke up, everyone looking mildly confused.

"Oh, y-yeah we were. We aren't allowed to attend parties, stay up too late, engage in any risky behavior, or let any social occasions or flaws interfere with our performance. We all have to exercise at least twice a week and take vitamins to stay healthy, and we were each given strict instructions to alter our appearance for our role" I rambled. The team's faces were priceless.

"_All of that, for a musical? It sounds more like a cult than a cast"_ Emily responded to my rant. I giggled at the accuracy of her statement.

"_What sort of changes does everyone have to undergo?"_ JJ asked.

"Well, for example, my friend Arianna who is playing Cosette was told to lose ten pounds, and my friend Matthew who is portraying Jean Valjean has to build more muscle" I answered, hoping no one would ask what my orders were.

"_W-what did they tell you to change?"_

My hopes were shot down.

Before I had the time to answer, Rossi entered the living room, drawing all eyes on him.

"_Dinner, my faithful friends, is served"_

Bullet dodged.

"_Thank god! I'm starving!"_ Derek let out, rubbing his perfectly tight stomach. Starving? He had no idea.

Each of us sat down along the lengthy dinner table, in front of the large variation of Italian dishes. I had Spencer to my left, Emily to my right, and Derek and Garcia across from me. Hotch sat next to Derek, and JJ across from him next to Emily. Rossi sat at the head of course.

"_This is quite the spread Rossi"_ Spencer said while sitting down. He was right, it was. There was your classic chicken parmesan, spagetti aglio olio, pene alla vodka, sausage and peppers, and an additional caprese salad. That's when the panic set in.

Just the sight of the food alone made my mouth water, but made my stomach churn. I was so hungry. It had been four days, approximately 97 hours since I last ate anything substantial. All I had consumed in the course of that time was coffee, seven tic tacs, and mass amounts of water. I wanted so badly to inhale everything in sight, but something was physically stopping me. It was as if something was holding me back with extreme force, whispering the consequences in each ear.

"Control, Jenna. You have control." I repeated in my head to remind myself not go off the deep end and slip into a full fledge panic attack. I served myself a decent size scoop of each pasta dish, and a medium amount of the caprese salad. I was trying to avoid meat partly due to its heaviness, but also because I had done my fair share of research on where it came from and I found it to be exceedingly unsettling.

I looked around the table and saw the team had already dug into their meals. I looked down at my plate, stomach practically screaming, and took my first bite of the al dente noodles bathed in their creamy vodka sauce.

My mind went nuclear. Screaming at me to stop, to put the damn fork down and spill everything into the toilet in the other room. But I couldn't. I had to keep going, despite any torture my brain put me through.

I went through the meal on auto pilot. I completely tuned out my surroundings. I knew conversation was all around me, all seven agents joking around and discussing various topics I would have loved to be a part of, but my psyche had different plans. With each bite of the meal my thoughts shrieked louder and louder. I could feel every calorie, every gram of fat filling my weak body and poisoning my blood. They began gnawing away at my organs, chewing up any pieces left untouched by the morsels I so badly resented. My stomach felt like it was going to burst from the volume I stuffed it with, begging me make it all disappear. I was on the verge of tears when-

"_Jenna!"_ Emily's voice cut in and I snapped my neck up to realize I all eyes were on me. The stares of seven profilers burned through my skin, making me ultimately uncomfortable.

"Yeah?" I said in the perkiest tone my voice allowed. I looked around to each member of the team with the best poker face I harbored. They looked at each other as well, presumably exchanging silent signs of worry.

"_What was that?"_ Derek let out, dragging out his words.

"What was what?" I shook my head, pretending I didn't know what they were talking about. I probably should have stopped using the 'I know nothing' tactic when it failed for the third time.

"_The staring into space and unresponsive behavior thing"_ Emily raised her left eyebrow at me. I kept my face as straight as possible as I hunted for a reply.

"Oh- I'm sorry, got lost in thought I guess" I shrugged and forced a grin. The agents swapped glances once again, then when back to their meals. I knew I hadn't fooled them, but I also wasn't sure what was going through their heads, all I knew was that whatever was going through mine was a new level of hell.

"_So, Jenna, how is school going? Do you like all of your teachers?"_Hotch broke the awkward silence and discreetly saved my ass from screwing up any further.

The remainder of the night flew by smoothly. The voice in the back of my mind subsided for all of an hour and a half, allowing me to let loose and actually enjoy the presence of my 'adopted family'. Spencer and I said our goodbye's, and as we were exiting the masterpiece of a house, I felt a hand on my shoulder. My body gave an instinctual flinch and turned around.

"_Oh- sorry if I startled you"_ Emily stated.

"No- it's fine really. What's up?" I questioned, although I was sure I already knew the answer.

"_I just wanted to let you know that if anything is bothering you, or if you need advice on something, you can come to me if you ever need to talk. And I won't tell Spencer, if you were worried about that"_ Emily's voice was genuine, and I wanted so badly to blurt out every demon living inside my head and blubber like a baby.

"Thank you, it-it means a lot" I smiled warmly. She wished me a safe trip home and I caught up to Spencer down the driveway.

"_Hey what was that about?"_ He asked skeptically.

"Nothing, girl stuff" I giggled slightly, knowing Spencer wouldn't ask any further questions.

I went to bed that night with an array of contradicting emotions, the good the bad and the ugly.


	32. Chapter 32

AN: Hey! So this is chapter 32. I hope you like it!

_Episode 4x7- Memoriam_

Chapter 32

"_Alright Jenna, just remember: you have to put all of your trust into Josh. If you think you're going to fall, you're going to fall. You two are the best in the class, that's why I'm letting you do this so early on. Now, do what you've practiced"_ My partnering instructor Leah reinforced just before I was about to attempt a one-handed presage lift. I took a deep breath and did a preparatory relevé to sous sus to build momentum. Before I knew it, Josh's hands met my waist and my hands pushed on his shoulders, and in warp speed I was in air with my legs vertical to the ceiling, Josh's one arm balancing me weight by clutching onto my waist. We held the pose for a total of two seconds, and Josh lowered me down, grabbing my arabesque leg, placing me on the ground, both of us with a smile of satisfaction.

"_Ah! I knew it would work! Great job you two!"_Leah praised as the class applauded. After my last lifting tiff, I was nervous to go back and try anything, but my confidence was restored.

"_Alright, that's it for today guys, see you in two weeks"_ Leah dismissed the class and everyone flooded out. I took my time gathering my bag and getting a sip of water, and followed the rest of the group out.

"_That was impressive"_ A casually dressed Emily came out of the blue. I wasn't expecting to see her, to my knowledge the team was away, and had been for the past two days.

"Oh- thanks" I giggled nervously. "How did you see?"

"_The door was opened, I could see through the mirror"_ She replied. Duh, I should have thought of that.

"Oh, yeah that makes sense. Where's Spencer?" I asked, confused on why Emily was back but he was nowhere to be seen.

"_He's still in Vegas, he wanted to visit his mom and another case came up so he stayed behind with Rossi and Derek. He asked me to stay with you for the time being"_

Usually, I would have been offended that Spencer sent someone to watch over me instead of just letting me be ,but since it was Emily I didn't really mind.

"Oh, o-okay" I responded as we exited the studio and headed for the car. The ride was silent, mostly because I was busy blotting sweat from the exposed parts of my body. I was wearing a pair of white tights, a black scoop neck leotard and a light blue long-sleeved wrap sweater. I was so overheated from the intensity of the class I wanted to rip off my clothing right there in the car. I think Emily noticed because she turned up the air conditioning, even though it was the beginning of November and there was a lingering chill in the air.

I cooled down by the time we got back to the apartment, but all the way up my feet were suffering sharp burning sensations.

"I'm sorry you're going to have to see this" I said to Emily just before I began unraveling the ribbons of my pointe shoes and sliding them off. I was sitting on the floor of the living room, just in case if I had any open sores on my feet no fluid would stain the couch.

I pulled my feet through the small pre-made hole in the bottom of my tights, removed my toe pads, and stared at the horror show that was my tattered skin.

"_Christ, that looks painful"_ Emily said, just as grossed out as I was. Both of my feet were littered with blisters, some of which popped open and were oozing a mixture of blood and a mysterious fluid. I spotted at least two calluses, surprised there weren't any more.

"Absolutely disgusting" I mumbled while inspecting the wounds with curiosity.

"_Do you need me to get you anything, band aids or something?"_ Emily asked in a concerned tone.

"No- no I got it" I jolted up and hobbled over to the bathroom and retrieved a tin from under the sink, containing rubbing alcohol, gauze and medical tape.

I winced as I cleaned the open sores, and quickly wrapped both feet to prevent infection.

"There we go. All better" I grinned, and Emily laughed.

"What?" I laughed back.

"_You look like you've had practice"_ She chuckled. _Oh, she had no idea._

The remainder of the say was spent watching Star Trek (no surprise there) and finishing up any school work I had left. It was pleasant for the most part, until my mind started to wander.

"Hey Emily, can I ask you a question?" I said hesitantly.

"_Yeah, sure of course" _She answered rather quickly, crooking her neck to face my direction.

"Spencer- he's worried about me, I can tell" I paused and picked at my nails. "Has he ever mentioned why?" I kept my attention to my hands briefly, then drew my eyes up to Emily's. Her gaze told me he had, and also that she was reluctant to respond. She thought for a moment, then spoke up.

"_You know him, he keeps a lot to himself" _Emily tried to shake the topic.

"For a profiler, it's easy to tell when you're avoiding something" I replied with smirk. Emily laughed in return, then fixed a serious yet soft expression.

"_He told me about a nightmare you had about a month ago-"_ Emily started, but I cut her off before she could continue.

"-wait, he told you about that?" I raised my voice with slight anger, but reminded myself that it wasn't her fault she knew.

"_Don't be mad at Spencer, I shook it out of him"_ She told me. I didn't even voluntarily tell Spencer about the gruesome details of what happened to me, and to know that Emily knew too was kind of a slap in the face.

"_We deal with a lot of... situations similar to what you went through, and we know about the demons that follow it. Knowing so much, especially at Spencer's level, he's worried for you"_ Emily put as kindly as possible. My heart still sank at her words. Actually, it sank at the entire subject.

"What does he think is going to happen to me?" I asked with a stinging behind my eyes. Emily sighed and looked around the room temporarily.

"_Kids who have...endured what you did, often have trouble with depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol abuse, promiscuity, eating disorders, and insomnia" _Emily told me a list of things I already knew. The scary part was, I already exhibited four out of the seven after effects.

"I'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills, drugs will turn my brain into swiss cheese, alcohol tastes bad, I have the physical assets of a thirteen year old girl, and I drink too much caffeine to sleep. There, nothing to worry about" I retorted rapidly, although I knew I wasn't going to deceive Emily in the slightest. She gave me her 'give-up-the-act' look, and I couldn't help but feel defeated.

"_I hate to break it to you Jenna, but you can't keep your walls up forever"_ Emily kept her caring stare, but I again diverted my attention to my hands. A tear fell from my left eye, but I caught it before it hit the couch. I was found out, the jig was up.

"_And Jenna, you need to eat"_ Emily added to her list of concerns. I was really tired of being put under a microscope.

"They told me I was too fat" I mumbled into my lap. I couldn't see Emily's expression, but I could feel it on my skin, and it wasn't pleasant.

"_What? Who told you you were too fat?" _She responded in a slightly shocked tone.

"The costumer for the musical. She told me I was too fat for the role, and that I had to drop five pounds." Tears were flowing faster and at an increased volume. I absolutely hated crying in front of other people, something about the vulnerability made me feel icky.

"_Jenna" _Emily's voice was soft, and her eyes as empathetic as id ever seen them. She pulled me into a tight embrace and pet the top of my head while I stained her shirt with my salty tears. I was tense at first, but eventually my body weakened and I leaned into her hold.

"It's bigger than me" I muttered in between sobs.

"_Only if you make it that way, only if you make it that way"_


	33. Chapter 33

AN: Hey! So this is chapter 33. Sorry it took so long, I've been busy busy busy with planning! Anyway, I hope you like it!

_Just after 4x7- Memoriam _

"_Jenna, Jenna are you up?"_ a muffled voice peaked through my bedroom door. I turned my body to face the direction of the voice, still not able to see due to the darkness and poor eyesight.

"Mhm" I groaned, looking at the clock and realizing it was nearly three in the morning and I had school in a few short hours.

The person behind the voice was Spencer, and he entered my room and sat at the end of my bed. He was hard to read this time around. He looked disheveled, no surprise there, but I sensed a tinge of satisfaction.

"What brings you in my room at three AM?" I slurred out while sitting up lazily.

"_JJ, JJ had her baby"_ The left corner of his mouth tilted up, forming a half smile. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. I wasn't totally offended that I wasn't informed earlier, or taken to the hospital to visit. As great as the occasion was, it was too much chaos.

"What? Really? Finally!" I gave a slight giggle of relief.

"_She uh, she asked me to be the godfather"_ The other corner of Spencer's mouth angled upwards, forming a full grin. He huffed a quick laugh, probably because he's the last person either of us thought would be chosen for such title. My jaw dropped, then formed a smile as well.

"Spenc, that's great. That's really great" I said tiredly, but with genuine care. I definitely didn't see that news coming.

"_Yeah, yeah it is"_ Spencer pushed the air from his lungs and looked down to the ground. His grin slowly faded, and the air turned tense.

"What's wrong?" I asked, desperate for sleep, but too curious to leave the issue alone.

He waited a moment and licked his lips, leaving me hanging.

"_The case- I won't go into detail, for your own sake, but- uh, it led me to see Dad"_ Spencer kept his eyes locked to the floor. My stomach dropped the entire seven floors of the apartment building and landed in the lobby. I felt the slight urge to throw up, I never thought I would hear that statement.

"Wait, Dad? As in...our Dad? W-what? CPS couldn't even find him, how did you? Did he kill a dozen people or something?" I fumbled out, completely frazzled.

"_No- no he didn't. I thought he had something to do with the case, but it was all in my head."_ Spencer seemed just as puzzled as I did. I stayed silent, honestly not knowing what to say.

"_He asked about you"_ Spencer broke his gaze at the ground and his eyes met mine, dull and emotionless.

"Well what did you say?" I shrugged my shoulders and brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as a sense of comfort.

"_I told him about how you landed a role in your school musical, how you love to dance, how maturity wise you're years ahead of your peers, and how your intelligence seems to baffle me day by day"_ Spencer laughed a bit his last line, I smiled slightly to go along.

"_I showed him a picture of you, I hope that's okay"_ Spencer filled the tense silence.

"W-which picture?" I asked. I didn't even know he had any.

He reached into the back pocket of his tan slacks and pulled out his brown leather wallet. Upon opening it, a collection of images poured out like an accordion. The first was my school picture, which I thought was absolutely hideous and begged Spencer to throw every existing copy in the trash, but clearly he didn't listen.

The second picture was of me and Spencer in the round table room at the BAU, both sitting in a chair with our feet up on the wooden structure and holding a book in front of our faces. It was rather funny actually.

The third and final image was taken around a month and a half after my arrival, it was one of the rare occasions I didn't have rehearsal or dance and I had stopped off at the BAU right after school. I had each team member lined up on either side of me, everyone making their own goofy face, and me in the middle with a grin from ear to ear. Despite my obnoxiously large smile, I truly loved the photo. I remembered that that was the moment I finally felt accepted, like they truly were my family.

"I forgot about these" I chuckled, so caught up in the memories behind the photos I almost forgot what brought them to me.

"_He'd really like to talk to you"_ Spencer's voice snapped me out of my reminiscent moment. I didn't even need to think about what to say.

"No no no no no" I shot out at warp speed. "When he left, he agreed to cut all family ties. He has to live with that. If he feels there is a problem, then tough" My voice grew more enraged as I went on. Spencer looked at me with sympathy. I imagined he had felt the same way at one point or another.

"_You're still mad, I get it, I'm pretty angry too. I don't expect you to forgive him, I'm just asking you to think about it"_ Spencer remained calm, whereas I was noticeably heated.

"I don't need to think about it, I'm not calling him" I replied stubbornly. Spencer gave me a pleading look, but I ignored it entirely and kept my ground.

"_Jenna, it's just a phone call. You don't need to be best friends with the guy"_ Spencer filled the silence. I thought about what would happen if I took him up on his offer, but quickly rejected the idea.

"What would I even say? 'Hi Dad, it's Jenna, the daughter you abandoned. Remember me? My mom is dead because of you and I spent nine years with two psychos because you wouldn't step up to the plate!'" I mocked in a rather harsh tone. Spencer rubbed his face with his two hands and took a deep breath. I felt slightly guilty for reacting the way I did, when I got worked up the filter in my brain just turned off. I could blame it on sleep deprivation or hormones, or I could just admit I was too screwed up to care.

"I'm sorry" I added, picking at the small pills of black fabric on my comforter.

"_It's alright, just think about it"_ Spencer pushed his body up off of my bed, and leaned over to plant a kiss on the top of my head. He exited the dark room, but not before slipping a small business card atop my white Victorian double dresser. I heard him shuffle into his own bedroom and settle in, leaving me with a mind full of racing thoughts and school in the morning.


	34. Chapter 34

AN: Hey! I'm absolutely loving all of the reviews! So I noticed the past few chapters have been pretty dark, so decided to add a more upbeat once to break it up. Enjoy!

_4x9- 52 Pickup_

"_Jenna! Hurry up, the movie is starting!" _Matthew called from the living room while I was busy grabbing an assortment of sodas and cups. Matthew, Ari, and I had made it a habit to have sleepovers whenever Spencer went out of town. It gave us just enough privacy and freedom to unwind after tough rehearsals and just be ourselves.

"I'm coming!" I shouted while shuffling in from the kitchen in my light grey sweatpants and black long sleeved sweater. I set the refreshments down on the coffee table and plopped in between Ari and Matthew. We watched the film for all of five minutes, then completely ignoring it and talking through the entire thing.

"_I'm really glad we get to do this. God everything is so damn hectic. Props to you Jenna for having a brother with such a demanding job" _Ari chuckled, earning laughs from both me and Matthew. We were two weeks away from opening night, which meant we were at rehearsals every single day until ungodly hours. We made sure we went to sleep at a reasonable hour that Friday night, given we had a Saturday rehearsal at 9:00am to 4:00pm the next day.

Matthew, the only one of us being 16 with a license and a car, drove our less-than-thrilled selves to Garfield the next morning.

"_Alright everyone! Costumes are in!"_

My heart immediately sank. _No. Not this soon._

"_Girls, you're in the choir room, boys, you're in the bad room. Now go get changed!"_ A stressed out Mrs. Bates screamed throughout the auditorium. She had been especially wicked lately, which was understandable but never the less horrifying.

My stomach began to churn. I lost four pounds, one more than ordered, but once less than my personal goal. I didn't see a difference, so what is the scale was lying? What if I didn't _really_ lose the weight? My mind was playing tricks on me, almost too much to bear.

Ari and I made our way to our designated dressing rooms, both of us noticeably anxious. She had been told to lose ten pounds, only losing about eight. We had previously confided in each other about our issues with food, and it turned out we were in the same situation. She struggled with herself as well, for years. As much as we both despised seeing each other in such pain, we encouraged one another in a way. Waking up, saying "don't let me eat today" and the other would comply. It was ultimately destructive, but we both knew the demons that plagued if we caved.

"_Fantine! Come!"_ The vicious costumer yelled without looking up. I paced over and was handed a series of dresses, aprons, shawls, and caps. I hesitantly undressed along with the twenty other girls in the cast. I kept my body as covered as possible, taking off one item and replacing it with another one at a time, too shameful to show too much.

My first costume was a light pink puffy empire dress, accompanied by a medium blue apron and cap. It fit, probably due to the nature of the cut, but it made me look double the size. I quickly removed it and picked up my next costume.

It was a dingy, dingy white dress, the top being a fabric covered corset, fraying out to a full cloth skirt just at the start of my hip. The spiteful costumer rushed over just as I slipped the piece on and began abruptly lacing it. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I felt woozy, almost as if I was going to pass out. The combination of a three day fast and the overall tightness of the dress weren't helping either.

"_Good, you lost the weight. You're in the clear"_ The older woman stated, walking back over to the costume rack. I made my way to the mirror, and for once was pleased with what I saw. The corset sucked in every piece of fat scattered around my body. I looked tiny, like my torso could snap at any moment. I didn't even care about the pain it caused me physically, only the satisfaction it gave me mentally.

"_Damn, we look good!"_ an exceptionally pleased Ari called out from a few feet away. Corsets worked wonders.

We ran through the show in full dress, posing more problems than we could afford. Actors who couldn't get changed fast enough, costumes that needed to be altered, and thirteen days until opening night. Needless to say, Mrs. Bates really laid into us that day.

"_Do you hear the people sing, lost in the valley of the night? It is the music of the people who are climbing to the light!"_ Matthew, Ari , and I sang while I put my key in the apartment door and the three of us flooded in, giggles ensuing. We were recovering quite well from the rough rehearsal we previously endured, until I spotted a confused Spencer in hallway of my bedroom. The three of us sort of froze, Spencer's face turning from confused to slightly irritated.

"Oh- um, Spenc, y-you're home. Uh, Matthew, Ari, this is my brother Spencer. Spencer, this is Matthew, he's playing Valjean, and this is Ari- well, Arianna, she's playing Cosette" I said nervously. Matthew walked over to Spencer, and put his hand out.

"_Nice to meet , I've heard great things about you"_ He smiled and shook Spencer's hand, something Spencer seldom let anyone do. Ari followed in Matthews footsteps, greeted him and shook his hand as well. Spencer responded to both with just "Hi", no surprise there.

"_Jenna, can I talk to you for a minute?" _ I nodded my head and internally slapped myself in the face. We entered Spencer's room and he shut the door behind us. Before he could speak, I immediately began apologizing.

"Look, I'm sorry Spencer. I should have asked you if I could have them over first. I mean it is your apartment after all and-"

"_Jenna, it's fine that you're having your friends over. This is your home too, and I want you to treat like so"_ Spencer was oddly calm. I figured he would go off the wall.

"_They seem like nice kids. Although I'm not sure how comfortable I am with you having a boy over when I'm not around" _

The punch I knew was coming.

"Spenc, you really don't have anything to worry about. We're just friends, nothing is going on between us. Don't you trust me?" I reassured Spencer as casually as possible.

"_It's not you I don't trust, it's other people"_ Spencer replied with a slightly concerned expression.

"Spenc, the kid is a straight A student, the leading man in the musical, well adjusted, and his father is an army commander stationed in Afganistan, I'd say you have nothing to worry about" I repeated with my hands set on his shoulders. He gave me skeptical expression, presumably trying to find a reason to object.

"_Hm, alright"_ He slurred out. _"But I want to get to know the kids you're hanging out with" _Spencer added. I laughed and took my hands off of his slumping shoulders, letting them swing at my sides.

"Thanks for being cool about this" I said while playfully punching him in the right arm, causing him to flinch and rub over the impacted area. He let out a nervous laugh as his response. I chuckled and ventured out into the living room, where Ari and Matthew were already relaxed on the couch and flipping through the channels.

"_Fantine, we thought we'd never see you again"_ Matthew joked while I made my way to my designated seat in between my two faithful best friends. Spencer stayed in the kitchen for the rest of their stay, supervising their visit and probably profiling them as well. I took in the scene, thinking about how thankful I was to have such remarkably true relationships with my friends, Spencer, and even the team. I wasn't often able to disconnect from all the negative forces that seemed to follow my every move, but that night I was, and I was utterly content.


	35. Chapter 35

AN: Hey! So this chapter should answer a question many of you have been asking *hint hint*. And as for Jenna and Matthew's friendship goes, well you'll have to wait to find out! ;) anyway, this is chapter 35!

Chapter 35

The only way to describe the final weeks of rehearsal was hectic and stressful. The entire cast was held in the clutches of Mrs. Bates every single day until eight o'clock in the evening. If we didn't sing well enough, or put a sufficient amount of soul into our acting, we were required to perform a variety of physical activity, which ranged from jumping jacks, to running laps around the circumference of the auditorium. I thought I knew crazy directors, until I met Mrs. Bates. I was sure she was breaking some sort of law, but pushed it to the back of my mind. She may have been insane, but she got us to cooperate.

"Ugh, the day I get a proper night's sleep will be a miracle" I whined to Ari and Matthew before classes began, exactly one week before opening night.

"_Tell me about it"_ They answered in unison. We all looked like the walking dead, lugging our lifeless bodies around from class to class.

"_Screw this, I say we ditch first period and go to the auditorium"_ Ari said, with her eyes half shut while rubbing her temples. Matthew and I exchanged looks, shrugging our shoulders.

"Sounds good to me" I replied. I wasn't usually one to skip class, but under the circumstances, I figured it was excusable.

The three of us dragged out worn-out selves across the school and into the oversized auditorium, crashing down into the seats and throwing our feet up on the chairs in front of us.

"_So, I take it the two of you will be attending the cast party after our closing show?"_ Matthew proclaimed. _What?_ I had no knowledge of a cast party, but was immediately intrigued.

"Wait, what cast party?" I asked. Ari and Matthew looked at me like I had three heads.

"_Every year, someone throws a huge party right after closing night. This year it's at Sarah's- or shall I say Madame Thenardier's house . The entire cast and crew generally attends, and man, do things get wild."_ Matthew explained, chuckling. If I knew anything about teenage parties, and from what I gathered from Matthews short statement, party meant lots of drug, music, and alcohol.

"So, what, everyone gets drunk, stoned, spills all of their secrets, and then goes home?" I laughed, earning one from Matthew and Ari.

"_There's a lot more to it than that"_ Ari specified loosely.

"_So, you in?"_ Matthew inquired, both him and Ari staring at me. I wasn't very fond of alcohol, frankly and tasted horrid and after everything with my uncle, I vowed to stay away from it. I had never done any drugs before, mainly because I was too afraid it would turn my brain to mush.

"Yeah, yeah I'm in" I replied with a smile. I knew Spencer would never, never in a million years allow me to attend a high school party, let alone pick me up from one, so the three of us quickly devised a plan: I would tell him I was harmlessly sleeping at Ari's, go to the party, let loose, then really go crash at Ari's. As long as I didn't get into any trouble, which I doubted I would, everything would be ay okay.

_Meanwhile-_

Dr. Spencer Reid was running late for work on that third Wednesday in November. He was behind on his laundry duties, and was sure Jenna had been holding at least half a dozen of his shirts captive. Against his better judgment, he walked into the teenager's room and began rummaging around. Numerous articles of clothing were scattered around the carpeted floor. It was unlike Jenna to leave her 'sanctuary' such a mess, but due to her increased stress level and busy schedule, the young doctor dismissed it.

"It has to be here somewhere" Spencer mumbled to himself, getting down on the ground and sorting through the layer of clothes. He peaked under the bed, sighing at the surplus of items that were crammed between the few inches of space. He proceeded to pull the pieces out one by one, accidently unearthing a small, worn out leather book. His genius brain knew better than to open it, assuming it was his younger half-sisters journal. He was just about to place the book right back where he found it, and respect Jenna's privacy, when his overactive mind got hold him.

"She's in trouble, but she won't talk to me about it. How else am I supposed to help?" The genius thought to himself. Not being able to disregard the situation, he cracked open the diary and commenced reading at a rapid pace.

_October 21__st__, _

_Intake:_

_Four cups of black coffee- 30 calories_

_Two rice cakes- 100 calories_

_One apple- 70 calories (purged)_

_Total- 200 calories_

_Weigh in- 107.8_

_I feel like a walking blimp. Carrying around all of this excess fat is eating away at me. I sliced up my arm again, but its okay, I deserved it. Maybe if I bleed enough the number on the scale will go down._

_October 22nd-26__th__,_

_Fast_

_Weigh in- 106.2_

_Closer, but not quite there. _

The 27 year olds blood ran cold. He expected your average teenage angst, not a food journal that depicted exactly what he feared. He had recognized the signs, but never thought he would have to admit it: _not only had his sister had spiraled into the dark and lonely depths of an eating disorder, but she was mutilating herself, too._


	36. Chapter 36

AN: Hey! So this is part two to the last chapter, occurring on the same day (just to be clear). Ah, I hope you guys like it!

Chapter 36

_At the BAU-_

Dr. Spencer Reid quietly rushed over to his cluttered desk with his messenger bag draped over his shoulder, his younger half-sisters journal moving about inside. He was noticeably late, and also noticeably distressed.

"_Look who decided to show" _a grinning Emily Prentiss joked from her own desk area.

"Sorry, I uh- I slept late" Spencer muttered, dropping his bag down next to his seat and not looking up, immediately starting on the stack of papers residing in front of him. Emily gave him a skeptical look, not that he could see.

"_Hm, you slept late?" _The dark haired agent raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I forgot to set my alarm" Spencer replied, focused on his paper work. Emily decided to dismiss the doctor's odd behavior and continue with her own set of papers.

By lunch time, Dr. Reid was still exhibiting the same strange actions as he had brought into work with him that morning.

"_Alright, what's going on with you?"_ Emily leaned in towards Spencer's desk, fishing for an answer. He sighed and stayed silent, until Emily's eye caught his and he knew he she was the only one who could help.

He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out the leather bound book, placing it down on the space in front of him.

"_What's that?"_ Emily jerked her chin up, referring to the journal.

"It's Jenna's journal" Spencer let out.

"_Wait, you took Jenna's journal?! Did you read it?"_ Emily replied, slightly irritated that he invaded Jenna's privacy.

"I had no choice, Emily. She's in trouble, and she won't talk to me about anything" Spencer defended himself, tears welling up in his eyes. Emily's expression turned concerned.

"It's a food journal, it lists everything she's eaten-and thrown up, every calorie and every ounce she gained or lost" Spencer repeated the words that had been filtering through his head over and over again. Emily's expression softened, her heart sinking.

"_Spencer..."_

"Did you know anything about this?" Spencer inquired, looking up into the eyes of agent across from him. She hesitated to answer.

"_Well... I might have had an idea..." _ Emily replied lightly. Spencer's head jolted up, his face confused.

"Wait, you knew about this?" He retorted quietly, not wanting the rest of the team to over hear their conversation.

"_Not exactly, but Jenna confided in me about a few things and I didn't want to break her trust-"_

"So you did know about this? You let my little sister go on starving herself because you didn't want to break her trust? She's cutting herself for god's sake Emily, and you couldn't tell me?" Spencer was getting more and more worked up as the discussion turned into an argument.

"_Wait- she's cutting herself?" _Emily said in shock. She felt guilty letting Jenna go on in so much pain, but if she knew she was hurting herself to alleviate that pain she would have said something sooner.

"I-t thought you knew" Spencer replied, calming down a bit.

"W-what do I do?" The doctor asked, tears threatening to fall.

"She was put into my care, I was suppose to prevent these things from happening. I can't help but feel I've failed" The doctor's desperate voice was heartbreaking. He felt helpless, for once in the young genius' life his mind could not concoct a way out.

-xXxXx-

Mercifully, Mrs. Bates let us out of rehearsal at approximately 6:30pm, instead of the scheduled 8:00pm. We had finally reached the home stretch, cleaning numbers and perfecting scene changes. The pressure pushed harder and harder each day, putting strain on the entire cast. We were exhausted to say the least, mentally and physically.

"Ugh, please say the coffee pot is on. My history teacher thought it was a fine idea to assign a paper Joseph Stalin due tomorrow" I shouted across the apartment upon my arrival to a not yet visible Spencer. I saw his shoes at the door, so I figured he had beaten me home by a few minutes.

I kicked off my severely uncomfortable mary janes and made my way into the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee. It wasn't the best idea, but if I was going to get that essay done, it was the essential.

Three steps into the kitchen, I stopped dead in my tracks. Spencer was sitting back in his chair at the square table, and in front of him was what appeared to be my diary. The same diary that held every morsel I put in, and ejected out of my body for the past eight months. My stomach dropped straight down to my unsteady feet, threatening to slip through the cracks of the tile floor and to the apartment below.

"W-where did y-you find that?" I brought my shaky hand up and pointed to the leather journal, Spencer keeping his gaze on the book.

"_I don't think that's really important right now, Jenna"_ Spencer's tone seemed drained, exactly what I was feeling.

"Well I certainly didn't leave it out in the open, so it's safe to say you snooped around my room?" I snapped back.

"_Jenna-"_

"Well did you read it?" I raised my voice, my heart pounding at the thought of Spencer finding out about the demons in my head.

"_What did you expect me to do? I'm worried about you Jenna, and you won't talk to me"_ Spencer defended.

"That still doesn't justify you invading my priva-_wait, you did read it?"_ I said enraged at first, then after realizing Spencer had read it, my voice went flat.

Spencer looked at me with pleading eyes.

That's when I felt the scratchy lump form at the base of my esophagus, traveling up and affecting my entire throat. My heart rate sped up in no time at all, causing my body to heat up. I felt my tear ducts start to act up, signaling my brain to go into panic mode.

I slapped my palm to my warm forehead and took a deep breath, pacing back and forth in the undersized kitchen.

"This isn't happening" I whispered to myself in disbelief. I felt my walls crashing down, and the timing couldn't have been worse.

The combination of sleep deprivation and the exposure of the demons I tried so hard to keep hidden, my knees became weak and began to quake.

"_Jenna please sit down" _Spencer advised. I would have loved to object, but my body thought otherwise.

I collapsed into the seat across from Spencer, rubbing the sides of my tear streaked face with my trembling hands.

"This isn't happening, this isn't real" I murmured so quietly it was practically inaudible. I could feel my blood boiling, my adrenalin pumping. My mind was going haywire, I couldn't put two thoughts together let alone express them.

"_Tell me what I can do to help you"_ Spencer spoke softly, reaching out for my hand but retreating when I jerked away.

"There's nothing anyone can do Spencer!" I shouted through the mass in my throat and snot clogged airway. I normally would have felt guilty for snapping when Spencer was only trying to help, but instead I felt nothing.

We were both silent for a few moments, minus the sound of my hyperactive breathing and quit sobs.

"_Show me your arms"_ Spencer said in monotone. Any movement I had been making ceased, and I froze, my expression slightly hurt and confused.

"W-what?" I choked out. I had already thrown Spencer through a loop, he didn't need to see what else I did to myself under his care.

"_I want to see your arms" _He repeated sternly. I was shocked how his tone turned from concerned, to somewhat demanding and mean.

"No, no" I objected. That didn't stop Spencer, though.

He stood up from his chair and took the two steps required to make it over to me.

"W-what are you doing-" I questioned, just before he grabbed both of my wrists.

I stood up, pushing the chair backwards and tugged with all of my weight, trying to break free of his grasp.

"No, Spencer please don't do this, please" I begged, my bottom lip quivering. He didn't listen.

Spencer pushed both of the sleeves to my hideous school uniform up to my elbows, and his face flushed white.

The tiny slip of the fabric uncovered an abundance of scars, ranging from thin and white, to up to an inch of light pink regenerated skin cells that attempted to reconnect the slits. My forearms were littered with them, from wrist to elbow crease.

Spencer looked up at me with tear filled eyes and a dumbstruck expression. I could feel my heart break in two.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Spencer" I managed to blurt out in between sobs.

"_A-are these b-because of-of me?" _He asked, analyzing the blemishes.

"No, no none of this is your fault" I tried to reassure him.

"_Th-then why did you do it?"_His feeble face looked to mine.

"I wish it was easy to explain" I mumbled, my voice not allowing a higher volume.

Spencer loosened his grip, causing me to fall flat on my bum since I was still leaning away from him. I hiccupped as I squashed onto the ground and Spencer joined me on the cold floor. We both stayed silent, sitting cross legged with our arms in our laps. My weeping gradually came to an end, leaving me even more exhausted than before.

"_How long?" _Spencer's weary voice filled the space between us. As much as I didn't want inform Spencer any further of my battles, I didn't have the energy to fight him.

"I started, um, cutting, four years, seven months, one week and two days ago" I said blankly, not daring to look Spencer in the eye, fearful of what I might find.

"From what I remember, I've always been picky about my food" I added while tracing the floor tiles with the tip of my left index finger.

"_H-how can I help?" _Spencer's voice cracked. I looked up to see a tear or two trickle from his puffy brown eyes.

I tried to speak, but no noise came out.

"_D-do you want to talk to someone? I could set you up with a therapist or-" _Spencer was trying, and I admired that, but he didn't quite get it.

"No- no therapist's. I can't do that" I put my hands up in protest.

"_Than what do you want me to do Jenna? I can't sit here and watch you destroy yourself like this"_ Spencer appealed. I wiped a stray tear from my cheek, knowing there wasn't much time until the flood gates opened up again.

"I-I can't answer that right now" I mumbled and griped the table to help pull myself off the ground.

"I need to be alone right now. I'll see you in the morning" I snagged my journal from the counter and turned my back to Spencer just as my tears started to pour. I hurried to my bedroom and shut the door behind me, reversing to my much longed for bed and slid myself under its blankets. I waited involuntarily for Spencer to knock, or come in unannounced, but he never did. I felt bare, like my secrets weren't even safe inside my head. I knew from that point on, everything was only going to get worse.


	37. Chapter 37

AN: Hey! So I LOVED the feedback from the last few chapters! I'm REALLY glad you all enjoyed them, I was worried you'd hate them! anyway, here's chapter 37!

Chapter 37

I woke up the next morning feeling as if I had been hit by a fourteen wheeler and backed over again. I rolled out of bed and my normal routine commenced. I was running a smidge late, rushing around to make sure I had the proper books in my bag. Since the ordeal the night before, I decided it was best to carry around all personal items that could potentially get me into deeper trouble with Spencer. I slipped my journal in with the rest of my books, and grabbed my tiny green satin jewelry box that contained my razor blades. I didn't think it was a great idea to carry around pieces that could be categorized as weaponry, so I took the film canister that held the blades themselves and hid them inside my pointe shoes within of my dace bag that I then shoved to the back of my closet. He would have to be extremely adventurous to get to them, especially in the shape that my closet was in.

As I hurried out to fill a travel mug with coffee to drink on the go, I saw Spencer had already beaten me to the kitchen.

"Oh, hey Spenc" I greeted him while quickly filling the cup with bitter liquid. The air was tense, as expected.

"I have rehearsal until 7:30 tonight, which means it'll probably run until 8:00. I'll be home around then. By the way, I got the tickets you asked for, they're in the envelope on the fridge" I informed him, grabbing an apple from the basket on the counter and dropping it in my bag to lead him to believe I intended on eating it. I had previously bought seven tickets for opening night, one for each team member that had been dying to see what my cast I worked our asses off for.

"_Oh-uh, alright, thanks. I-I'll see you later I guess" _Spencer slurred out. I yelled goodbye on my way out the door, dreading the day ahead of me.

"_I think I've reached my ultimate level of done" _Ari proclaimed dramatically just before first period.

"I'm with you on that one" I rolled my eyes. Matthew showed up a few seconds later, and by the looks of it we were all on the same boat.

"_So, did anyone do the Anderson essay on the big bad Stalin?"_Matthew sighed.

"Shit!" I shouted, slapping my palm to my face. After the breakdown I had last night, I had completely forgot about the paper.

"_I'll take that as a no?" _he chuckled, but my expression remained serious.

"_I didn't do it either. I was going to go to the auditorium to write it, then sign in at the front desk when I was done so it looked like I came in late instead of skipped class. Care to join?"_ Matthew offered up, and it was tempting. I thought about the possible consequences, then realized that for once I didn't really care.

"Looks like I have no choice" I gave up. "Ari?" I jerked my head in her direction.

"_No can do, if I miss any more French classes this quarter I'll lose credit, sorry guys. See ya in chorus, hopefully"_ Ari replied dreadfully. She had the tendency to skip class a little too often.

Matthew and I sat in the auditorium until about halfway through fifth period, our hands all cramped up. They were ordered to be a minimum of two pages, maximum of five, and hand written. I finished my essay around third period, but stayed with Matthew to help him finish his.

"_You're lucky, you know"_ Matthew slipped in just as we were putting our books away. I was stunned, _why the hell would anyone call me lucky?_ _I was just the opposite._

"What do you mean?" I responded with a puzzled expression.

"_You're wicked intelligent. You don't even need to try in any of your classes, you just suck information up like a sponge, it's like nothing ever exits your brain"_ Matthew pointed out. He was right, I didn't need to try very hard when it came to school. Once I was taught something, it simply stuck. Most would love to have a mind that could do that, but it came with its own burdens.

"It's not all glitter and ponies, Matthew" I smirked. "Besides, what you talking about? We take almost identical classes" I added in.

"_Well yeah, but you breeze through them. I have to practically beat myself over the head with everything we learn just to understand it"_ He confessed. I didn't really know what to say, so I remained silent as we exited the auditorium, signed in at the front desk, and carried on to our designated classes.

Just before Matthew and I parted ways, his voice cut into the quietness.

"_Hey, what's up with you today?" _He gently laid his hand on my shoulder from behind. I didn't want to reveal to him everything that happened the night before, he didn't need the extra stress, but I knew he was the one person I couldn't lie to and get away with.

"It's just a few things with my brother. It's nothing to worry about, really" I swept the events of last night under the rug, when all I wanted to do was blurt out everything. But I couldn't, not even to my best friend. It's not that I didn't trust him, I was just afraid he would look at me differently if he gained insight on the battles I fought in my head.

"_Are you sure? You seem off, even for you. Do you wanna talk about it?"_ He asked with a gentle tone.

"No, no it's fine. I'd rather just let it go away on its own" I fibbed a bit, I really did want to talk about it. I needed someone to make me feel like I wasn't crazy. Although, I wasn't sure if anyone could give me that.

"_Okay. Well, if you change your mind, you always know where to find me" _Matthew grinned, then waved goodbye seconds later to turn into his classroom. I found myself forming a warm smile, something I desperately needed to feel.

Later that night, I mercifully fell asleep at a decent hour to the sound of raindrops beating down my window. I was out the minute my head collided with my pillow as if I'd been hit over the head with a hammer, that is until I was woken up by a loud crack.

My body jolted up and small squeal escaped my throat. I loved rain storms, when when you added thunder to the mix I quaked in fear like a mouse did tabby cat.

Seconds later, there was a bright flash, followed by another crackle, then a shrill boom. It caused me jump once again, and my breathing became staggered.

The bangs came one after one, each louder than the last. I was frightened to say the least, alone in the dark with the outside world invading my little space.

I was so desperate for comfort, I did something I never thought I'd be able to.

I wrapped myself in my white fleece blanket I kept at the foot of my bed and took a deep breath. I dashed across the hall and lightly tapped on Spencer's door, not receiving an answer. I quietly turned the door and pushed the door open. My eyes by that point had adjusted to the darkness, and I could see Spencer laying on the right side of his king sized bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Spencer?" I whispered, sounding too startled for my liking.

"_Jenna? I-is everything alright?" _He questioned. I felt guilty for waking him up in the middle of the night, but my fear overran that guilt.

"Can I sleep in here tonight? Th-the thunder..." I trailed off, biting the edge of my blanket.

"_Yeah, yeah of course" _Spencer said sympathetically. I hobbled over to the large bed and plopped my burrito-like self next to Spencer, leaving a comfortable amount of space between us.

"Thank you, Spencer" I murmured a few moments later, but Spencer had already drifted off. He stayed on his side of the bed, and I stayed in my temporary spot. Despite the recent events the two of us had tolerated, and the strain it caused, there was no tension in the air that night.


	38. Chapter 38

AN: Hey! So I am absolutely LOVING the reviews! As I have probably already stated, they make me feel fuzzy inside! And I love hearing what you guys want and your questions and such, they really help me improve the story. Anyway, sorry this chapter is sorta short, I needed a filler for before opening night. I hope you like it!

"_Jenna! Jenna we've been spared!"_ Matthew shouted to me from across the hallway while I was on my way to ninth period.

"_Bates cancelled tonight's rehearsal!"_ he said excitedly. We were scheduled to have a rehearsal until 8:00pm, since we were just two measly days away from opening night.

"Thank god!" I let out a sigh of relief, crashing against the locker row to my right.

"_She said she 'wants us to rest and get caught up on school work'"_ Matthew added.

Rest. Rest was exactly what I needed.

"_How about the three of us grab lunch after school or something?"_ Matthew asked, the three of us being him, Ari and I. As much as I wanted to spend time with them and let loose, there was too much on my mind that I couldn't let go of. Plus, I didn't want to be around such a surplus of food.

"Sorry, I have a ton of work to catch up on and if I put it off any longer it'll never get done. Maybe next time" I apologized. I wasn't completely lying, my school work had piled up over the past few weeks and if I wanted to hand everything in by the end of the semester I really needed to get going.

"_Oh- alright. See ya tomorrow then" _Matthew replied and the two of us waved goodbye.

Halfway home, I realized I had forgotten my keys to the apartment. "Ugh, seriously?" I grunted to myself in frustration. I wasn't sure when Spencer would be home, but I knew it wouldn't be anytime soon. My only solution was to stop off at the BAU.

I made a quick detour into a random café and ordered a large coffee, desperately needing the extra caffeine pumping through my blood. It was probably extremely unhealthy to drink the amount of coffee I did on a daily bases, but yet again a lot about me was unhealthy.

I waved passed security and headed up the BAU in no time at all. I entered the semi-hectic bullpen and slowly made my way to Spencer's desk.

"Hey guys" I greeted half of the team upon my arrival.

"_Hey mini Reid, what's shakin'?"_

"_Good afternoon by munchkin!"_

"_Hey, did they finally give you a break from rehearsing?"_

"_What brings you here?"_

Derek, Garcia, Emily, and Spencer welcomed in response.

"Oh- Mrs. Bates gave us the night off to catch up on school work. And, well I forgot my keys" I stated somewhat awkwardly.

"_How could one so intelligent forget something as simple as a set of keys?"_ Derek joked, earning a punch in the bicep from Emily.

"I blame the musical, it's working my brain to death" I said as I hopped up and sat on Spencer's desk, still facing the four agents.

"_Everyone's really looking forward to it, we can't wait to see what you've been practically held captive working on for the past few months"_ Emily grinned while Spencer rummaged in his bag for the apartment keys.

"_It has been four and a half months since you entered this family, and we have still yet to see or hear the talent your tiny little body is harboring at this very second. I must say, I'm a little offended"_ A colorful as always Penelope said with her nose up in the air and arms crossed, resisting a smile.

"I'm building up the anticipation" I replied loosely. I didn't want to get their hopes up, because then if I totally tanked the performance they'd be disappointed.

"_Ah I'm just joking with ya sweetie, come here" _Garcia giggled, opening her arms and encasing me in a tight hug.

"_Oh Munchkin! You're so small there's almost nothing left to hug but bones!"_ Garcia declared in a shocked tone, taking a step back and analyzing my shape.

It was exactly what I wanted to hear. That meant progress, although I didn't see it, others did.

I quickly remembered I was surrounded by Emily, Spencer, and Derek. My cheeks flushed bright red out of discomfort. Spencer and Emily clearly knew of my 'situation', making it all the more uncomfortable, and the two of them exchanged solemn expressions.

"Oh-uh, i-uh" I stuttered, fishing for the proper words.

Mercifully, Derek cut in.

"_Mini Reid, I hope you're keeping up with that schoolwork of yours, ya know with your busy schedule and all" _he quickly diverted the conversation, presumably sensing my uneasiness. Well, he was a profiler after all.

"Actually, that's exactly what I need to do. I should get going, I need to finish a boat load of assignments. I'll see you guys on Thursday. Oh, and thanks for the keys Spenc" I stated, slightly eager to leave. We all said our goodbyes and I was on my way back to the apartment, ready drown myself in endless amounts of formulas and equations.


	39. Chapter 39

AN: Hey! So this is opening night. In the scenes, if you didn't already know, all of it being sung. I'm not putting all of the lyrics in the scenes, so they'll just be snips (It also helps if you know the songs as well). Just to clear up, the cast party is after closing night! Also, I'm splitting this into two chapters because If I don't it will be ridiculously long. But, I will be posting the second part within the next few hours! Anyway, I hope you like it!

Chapter 39

"_Alright cast, form a circle, we need to talk"_ Mrs. Bates calmly asked. It was opening night, and curtain was in less than eight minutes. It was the moment we all worked so hard for, and it had arrived a little too fast for everyone's liking.

We all stood in full dress and makeup, costumes varying from actor to actor. My makeup was a hue of browns, and my long dirty blonde hair descended down my back in large curls. I took my place in between Ari and Matthew, and the three of us clutch onto each other's hands and gave goofy smiles.

"_Alright everyone, this is it. This is what I put you through hell and back for. I'd like to tell you how proud I am of each and every one of you. This is an amazing thing you're- or shall I say we- are a part of. This is a remarkable thing we're doing. You're all here for a reason: because you have an amazing gift and passion that stands out like no other. I want you all to go out on stage tonight, and do this musical the justice it deserves, I trust you will. Now show the audience what you busted you're asses for" _Mrs. Bates' pep talk to the group of us all of a sudden made everything real. A small tear escaped her eye, but she quickly swept it away.

"This is it guys" I announced to Matthew and Ari, just before we all fled to the wings of the stage.

"_Unbelievable, isn't it?"_ Ari replied.

"_You got that right"_ Matthew chuckled.

Moments later, the house lights dimmed and the show began. Matthew soon became Jean Valjean and was sucked onto the stage for the first scene. Ari and I waited backstage, although I didn't need to enter for another few scenes and Ari didn't enter until the second act.

As _"At the End of the Day' _approached, my first scene, my nausea became more prevalent. I was nervous, very, very nervous. I was about to transform into Fantine, and tell her story to an audience of over six hundred people, seven of them being Spencer, Emily, JJ, Hotch, Rossi, Derek, and Penelope.

Before I could fully prepare, there was a full stage blackout, signaling me to take my place in the mock sewing shop we had built.

The song began and I absorbed into the scene. Everything melted away.

"_Please! No I have a daughter, please!"_ I pleaded as the foreman through me out at the end of the song.

_Blackout. _

I changed rapidly into my cloth covered corset dress, terrified I wouldn't make the change.

Lights up, two scenes later, I'm at the grimy docks of Montreuil, France.

"_Lovely ladies Smell 'em through the smoke! Seven months at sea can make you hungry for a poke"_

"_Even stokers need a little stoke!"_

The sailors sang as I tried to flee from them, but was followed and then blocked by prostitutes trying to lure me in.

"_Lovely ladies waiting for a bite! Waiting for the costumers that only come at night"_ They sang and danced aggressively and seductively just the same. They were caked with makeup, all for affect of course. I continued to run frightened, but was met by an old woman.

"_What pretty hair...what pretty locks you have there. What luck you've got, it's worth a centime my dear. I'll take the lot!"_

"Don't touch me leave me alone!"

"_Let's make a price. I'll give you all of ten francs, Just think of that!"_

"It pays the debt"

"_Just think of that." _

"What can I do it pays the debt. Ten francs may save my poor Cosette!"

I ran into the wings while the 'prostitutes' preformed a dance break. I had to throw my hair up into a bald cap and cover it with a short wig, as I (Fantine) had just sold my hair.

I emerged thirty seconds later.

Soon after, my teeth were removed and sold as well.

I curled against a large boat, huddled in my own pain and sadness. I had lost my hair, my teeth, I was depleting to nothing. I had no worth. Or so I thought.

"_Come on dearie, why all the fuss? You're no grander than the rest of us..."_

"_Life has dropped you at the bottom of the heap"_

"_Join you're sisters, make money in your sleep"_

I was being reeled in, into prostitution. I had no other choice, I gave in.

"Come on, captain, you can where your shoes. Don't it make a change to have a girl can't refuse? Easy money, lying on a bed. Just as well, they never see the hates that's in your head" I sang with as much helplessness as I possibly could. Tears were in my eyes.

"Don't they know they're making love to one already dead!" the 'costumer's hands wandered my body, causing me to tense and let a tear escape, not just as Fantine, but as Jenna.

_Black out. _

The round of applause was incredible. Although I couldn't help but feel pitiful, like I was nothing. Maybe I bought into the role too much.

I rushed onto the thrust of the stage and sat down, placing me as little as ten inches away from the first row of center seats. Even in the darkness, I could see the faint faces of each team member, sitting three rows back in the dead center. I immediately felt a compression on my chest. It was my song, _I Dreamed a Dream. _I had never met a person who didn't absolutely bawl their eyes out at the song, and it was my job to carry that out.

_Lights up._

My body was hunched over, eyes pointed to the ground with added makeup to make me look polluted. I had lost my worth, my pride, myself; I was stripped to a worthless being.

"There was a time when men were kind, when their voices were soft, and their words inviting..."

I soaked into the song, and soon found myself crying. As Fantine, I was supposed to, but I was crying as Jenna. The song dug into me and nestled in my bones. I felt Fantine's pain. I became it.

"He slept a summer by my side..."

I looked up to the seats, quickly spotting Garcia, JJ, and Emily with tears in their eyes.

"He took my childhood in his stride! But he was gone when autumn came!" I sang with the hurt peeking through the lyrics.

"And still I dream he'll come to me, that we will live the years together. But there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather" My voice grew and I let the achiness exhibit in my body language, becoming more hysterical, but not over doing it. I remained looking up, as a symbol of being stuck in a deep rut I couldn't climb my way out of.

At the instrumental break, I let out a sob, cupping my hand over my mouth but being careful I didn't hit the microphone attached to my cheek.

"I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living! So different now from what it seemed..." I accidently let out more cry's.

"Now...life has killed the dream..."

I sniffled and took a deep break, looking at the ground.

"I dreamed" I held onto the last note like my life depended on it, all while looking up at the audience. That's when I saw each agent with tears streaming down their face. Even Hotch, who I had never seen show any emotion whatsoever.

I did it. I hit the hearts of the audience. I even hit mine.

Mission accomplished.

I remained on stage, lethargic, lonely, hopeless.

_Blackout._

I was downstage against a ship, dying. Literally, dying of tuberculosis.

Approached by a grimy costumer, I rejected him of my service and fought him, scratching him, causing him to call Inspector Javert. I begged and begged not to be taken away.

"There's a child who sorely needs me, please M'sieur, she's but that high. Holy God, is there no mercy?  
If I go to jail she'll die!" I pleaded, but he wouldn't listen.

Valjean entered, defending me.

"_I've seen your face before, show me some way to help you. How have you come to grief in a place such as this?"_He crouched down beside me.

"M'sieur, don't mock me now, I pray. It's hard enough I've lost my pride. You let your foreman send me away, Yes, you were there, and turned aside..."

"If there's a God above, he'd let me die instead" I sang bitterly.

Valjean promised to take in Cosette, leaving me forever in his debt. He swept me away, and found me refuge.

_Blackout._

I waited back stage as Matthew sang '_Who am I'_. Backstage I could tell the rest of the cast was being affected differently by every song we preformed.

_Blackout_

_Light's up_

I'm lying in a hospital bead, seeing delusions of my daughter, Cosette.

"Cosette, it's turned so cold. Cosette, it's past your bedtime..."

"Come to me, Cosette, the light is fading. Don't you see the evening star appearing? Come to me, and rest against my shoulder. How fast the minutes fly away and every minute colder..." I reached out to touch my little Cosette, but she disappeared, causing me to panic.

Valjean enters.

"_Oh Fantine, your time is running out  
But Fantine, I swear this on my life"  
_  
"Look M'sieur, where all the children play..."

_"Be at peace, be at peace evermore"_

"My Cosette..."

_"Shall live in my protection" _I looked up to Valjean with thankful, tear filled eyes.

"Take her now..."

"_Your child will want for nothing"  
_  
"Good M'sieur, you come from God in heaven"

"_And none will ever harm Cosette as long as I am living"  
_  
"For God's sake, please stay 'till I am sleeping  
And tell Cosette I love her, and I'll see her when I wake..."

And just like that, I slipped away, my body falling limp.

Fantine was dead. But really, she wasn't. She was still in me. Partly because I had to revive her at the end of the second act, but also because when I assumed her character, she hid inside of me and clutch onto by veins.

Black out.

I headed backstage and into the dressing room in a fog, still crying slightly.

"_How'd it go?"_ Ari asked while rummaging through her suitcase for extra makeup.

All of a sudden, my vision was blocked by tiny black dots. The room began to spin, and I heard a high pitched ringing in my ears.

"_Jenna?"_ I heard a twisted voice called out, then everything went completely black.__


	40. Chapter 40

AN: Hey! So this is part two as promised! Credit to UpdateSoonPlease for giving me the idea for Jenna to collapse! Keep the reviews commin' pretty please! Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter 40!

Chapter 40

"_Jenna! Jenna can you hear me?" _My vision came back slowly, and a blurry Ari was lightly slapping me on the cheek.

"W-what happened?" I slurred, bringing my hand to my forehead. My eyes cleared and I also saw one of the costumers standing over me.

"_You passed out, sweetie"_ She said kindly, helping me up. Ari knew exactly why I had fainted without even having to ask.

I was tired, over worked, and I hadn't eaten since the day before.

"_Do you want me to call someone to pick you up?"_ The woman asked, setting me down in a chair next to my bag. I then realized I had almost every girl in the cast surrounding me.

"No, no don't do that. My blood sugar is probably just low. I-I'll go grab something from the concession" I choked out. I dashed out of the dressing room, still dizzy, and Ari chased after.

We remained silent for the walk to the small snack bar.

"Uhm, can I have a diet coke please?" I asked, and received. Ari gave me skeptical glare, but I dismissed it and downed the entire bottle.

"Ah, see, all better!" I said in a cheery tone. I did feel a bit better, but it wasn't enough to overrun the exhaustion I was still feeling.

"_I have to go on stage, I'll deal with you later" _Ari smirked and hurried on stage, leaving me inside my own head.

During intermission, Matthew, Ari, and I were reunited.

"I must say ValJean, you are absolutely amazing" I grinned as he advanced towards me in the cafeteria, AKA the casts meeting place.

"_I can say the same to you. Really though, Jenna, you even had me shedding a few tears every time you showed up on stage" _Matthew mentioned, making my stomach flip.

"You're much too kind M'sieur" I replied, smirking.

Ari arrived a few moments later.

"I trust you blew it out of the park?" I grinned once again.

"_Of course I did! Well, minus the fact that the sleeve to my dress nearly got ripped off"_ She responded, each of us chuckling.

"_We're a mess"_ Matthew chuckled, receiving a laugh from Ari and me.

"_Tell me about it. First Jenna passes out, then my sleeve shreds, now we're waiting on you ValJean" _Ari laughed, and did Matthew and I, for a moment at least.

"_Wait, when the hell did you pass out?"_ Matthew asked, both shocked and concerned. Before I could answer, Mrs. Bates gathered up the cast for another speech.

We were soon dismissed, but Matthew didn't have time for conversation before he went on stage.

"Break a leg" I cheered him on as he dashed down the hallway.

I had practically the entire second act to recuperate from my 'black out', and to trap myself inside of my head. Matthew came and went, and so did Ari, only leaving time for small chatter. I watched the clock tick, and felt my body grow weary.

Finally, I was summoned for the Epilogue.

_Blackout_

I stood in the shadows downstage, just out of the spotlight on a dying ValJean in the convent.

"_...Take me now, take me there, Bring me home, bring me home"_

The stage lights gradually rose and I appeared next to ValJean, my body language reflecting the peace death had provided me with.

"Monsieur, I bless your name"

"_I am ready Fantine"_ ValJean sighed.

"Monsieur, lay down your burden"

"_At the end of my days"_

"You raised my child in love"

"_She's the best of my life"_

"And you will be with God" I sang lightly, encouraging ValJean to let go, that he was safe.

Cosette and Marius entered frantically, and I faded back into the darkness and a spotlight covered the three actors.

"_Papa, Papa, I do not understand, are you alright? They said you'd gone away"_ Cosette kneeled down to his side. I stood there, frozen, admiring their emotion. I could hear sniffles in the crowd.

"_On this page, I write my last confession. Read it well when I at last am sleeping. It's the story of those who always loved you, Your mother gave her life for you, Then gave you to my keeping"_ ValJean sang weakly, I appeared once again.

"Come with me, where chains will never bind you. All your grief, at last, at last behind you. Lord in Heaven, look down on him in mercy" My serene voice calmed ValJean. As I sang, the more I understood why people weren't afraid of death.

"_Forgive me all my trespasses and take me to your glory"_

"Take my hand, I'll lead you to salvation, take my love, for love is everlasting" I reached my still hand out to ValJean, welcoming him to death.

The voices Marius, Cosette, ValJean, and Eponine joined in smoothly.

"And remember the truth that once was spoken: To love another person is to see the face of God" We sang in unison.

There was a blackout on stage and the ensemble entered through the slightly lit isles as we took our final places.

"_Do you hear the people sing_? Lost in the valley of the night. It is the music of the people who are climbing to the light" They sang in a ghostly tone.

Slowly, they made their way up the isles and onto the dark stage.

"_For the wretched of the earth there is a flame that never dies, Even the darkest night will end  
and the sun will rise_. _They will live again in freedom in the garden of the Lord. They will walk behind the plough-share, they will put away the sword. The chain will be broken and all men will have their reward!"_

_Light up_

There I stood at the edge of the stage just above the pit with Eponine, Gavroche, Monsieur Thénardier, Madame Thénardier, Marius, Enjorlas, Cosette, ValJean, and Javert.

We all joined in, singing:

"Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Somewhere beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see? Do you hear the people sing? Say, do you hear the distant drums? It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!"

The ten of us leads split into five and five and stretched onto the thrust of the stage, taking our strides in character as the ensemble recited choreography.

"Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Somewhere beyond the barricade  
is there a world you long to see? Do you hear the people sing? Say, do you hear the distant drums? It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!"

A majority of the audience had tears in their eyes, including many of the cast members. We all took a deep breath, and let out our last words.

"Tomorrow, comes!" all 54 of us held onto the final note for dear life, but eventually cut off. We stood in our ending poses as the crowd roared with applause, soon turning into a standing ovation.

_Black out_

We sprinted off stage and ran behind the curtain for bows. The moment Matthew, Ari, and I could make out each other's faces, we collided and clung to one another in a massive hug.

"_We did it!" _Ari whispered, all of us nodding.

We watched as the ensemble bowed, then the dancers, then the sailors, progressing to the principle roles.

The Bishop glided out humbly, taking his bow then retreating downstage. The Thenardier's walked on from stage left and right, stealing items off of the ensemble, bowing then taking their place next to the bishop. Enjorlas and Gavroche marched on, bowing and then residing next to the Thenardier's. Eponine then dragged herself from stage left, curtseying then taking her place next to Gavroche.

Then, it was my turn.

I drifted from stage right with a blissful smile, carrying myself with as much grace as possible. I heard each member of the team the team shouting and hooting, and then some voices I didn't recognize. I took my bow, and slid next to Eponine.

Cosette ran from stage right to meet Marius, who ran from stage left, center stage and bowed, then Marius swept her off of her feet and carried her next to me.

Jean ValJean entered from stage right, and Javert entered from stage left, the two of them meeting center stage with swords and having a short duel. The crowd went wild as they bowed, as expected.

The entire cast then came together and took a final bow, receiving an incredibly extensive and thunderous applause. We soon backed up and the curtain closed, marking the end of opening night.

"One show down, two to go!" I shouted with my arms linked to both Matthew and Ari's.

The cast swiftly got changed, and flooded out into the lobby to find our families. It took a lot of pushing and shoving, but I spotted the entire team due to Garcia's sparkly blue headband.

"Guys!" I shouted to get their attention, and when I did, they ambushed me.

"_Oh my gosh my Munchkin! You were incredible! No- you were better than incredible! You were- I can't even find the words!" _Garcia gushed, crushing me into a hug.

"_You were outstanding, you even had the men in a puddle of tears"_ JJ complimented, embracing me as well.

"_Hey I had something in my eye!"_ Derek defended. _"But really Mini- Reid, how did a voice like that come out of such a tiny little person?"_ He added, showing his pearly whites.

"_You had me blubbering like a baby, and I have some pretty tough skin"_ Emily cut in, rubbing her nose with a tissue.

"_You were amazing, Jenna. You really did Fantine justice"_ Rossi kissed me atop the head, as he always did.

"_Jenna, you blew me away. Congratulations, you have wonderful gift" _Hotch pulled me into a quick embrace then let go.

Spencer had remained silent, to my dismay.

"Thank you all so much for coming, really, it means a lot. We should get going Spenc, I'm beat and I have another show tomorrow" I announced, desperate for some form of rest. We all parted ways in the parking lot, leaving me alone with Spencer.

Just before we entered the car, Spencer pulled me into a tight hold. I was startled at first, but soon relaxed.

"_I'm really proud of you, Jenna. You honestly were astonishing"_ He said into my massive bundle of hair.

"Thanks Spenc, it means a lot" I replied, feeling a bit teary eyed. We remained in that position for a solid forty five seconds, then I pulled away because it got uncomfortable.

My head hit the pillow that night with a collection of conflicting emotions. Some of which I wasn't even sure how to distinguish.


	41. Chapter 41

AN: Hey! I'm SO glad you guys liked my last two chapters. I know I've said this before, but every review makes me feel fuzzy inside and motivates me to update sooner. Anyway, I have a feeling this is the chapter many of you have been waiting for ;) I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 41

Waking up for school the next morning was more difficult than I could have imagined. My body was aching with every move, my head was pounding, my stomach was doing barrel rolls, and my raccoon eyes had trouble staying open.

It was what I liked to call a post-opening-night hangover.

I greeted Spencer tiredly as I dragged my weak body into the kitchen before I left for school.

"_You look terrible" _he huffed out, receiving a not so thrilled glare from my end.

"Thanks Spenc, I didn't notice" I scoffed while pouring an extra cup of coffee. He sipped his, sensing my exhaustion and not pushing further.

"Oh, uh I almost forgot. Can I sleep at Ari's on Saturday after our last performance?" I flipped my tone to a more cheerful sound, trying to kiss up a bit hoping he would let me go.

"_Uh- why doesn't Ari come here?"_Spencer purposed, a bit anxious.

"Oh, uh because she has a home theater in her basement and like, every movie known to man, so we wanted to have a movie marathon" I replied, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge.

"_Uh, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with letting you sleep out. Why doesn't she just bring the movies here?"_ Spencer said hesitantly.

My plan was failing.

"Spenc, seriously? It's just a sleep over. We'll probably be too worn out to stay up past midnight" I assured him. He kept his expression blank.

"I'll call you when I get there is it makes you feel any better" I smiled nervously, trying to get him to cave. He thought for a minutes, then gave in.

"_Alright, fine. But I'm picking you up at noon on Sunday"_ Spencer said sternly. My sleepy mind did a little victory dance.

"Thank you Spenc, gotta go I'll see ya later" I pecked him on the cheek and headed out the door. My excitement lasted all of ten minutes, then my body and mind fell back on the exhaustion track.

"_Is it time to go home yet?"_ Ari moaned to Matthew and I, the both of us thinking the same thing. To our dismay, it was only third period.

I felt as if I was in a fog, staring into space, only able to focus on the immense amount of pain my mind and body were enduring. The combination of sleep deprivation, a weakened immune system, my every day thoughts, and the fact that I had to worry about Spencer on my case about absolutely everything, I shut down.

"I'm too tired for this, I'm going home. I'll see you guys tonight" I announced, monotone, and pivoted on the balls of my feet and signed out at the attendance desk. I heard Matthew and Ari call after me briefly, but I didn't bother turning around.

I took the local bus back the square and walked around for about a half hour, making sure that when I entered the apartment Spencer had already left for work. I arrived at around 10am, tossed my bag on the coffee table, changed into sweats, and flopped down on the sofa in the living room while letting out an elongated sigh. The space was so quite you could hear a pin drop, cradling me off to a much needed, dreamless sleep.

I was woken up hours later by a continuous knocking at the front door. I looked at the time, and it read 2:30.

"Who the hell..." I mumbled while leaping off the couch and rushing to the door. Looking through the peephole, I saw Matthew standing on the other side.

"You woke me up" I said slightly angrily after I opened the door to let him in. I wiped the underneath of my eyes and smoothed out my tangled hair, a small clump of it detaching from my scalp and residing in my hand. My eyes widened and I somewhat panicked, dropping the bundle onto the floor so Matthew didn't notice.

"_Jenna, what's going on with you? I'm worried"_ Matthew explained from the couch. I stood over him, picking at my nails while my heart began to throb.

"_There's something wrong, isn't there?"_ He assumed gently. I sat cross legged next to him as my eyes became hot. Just like with Spencer, the walls that I hadn't been able to rebuild were being trampled.

I knew coming clean was my only option, I put the last of my trust in Matthew.

"I- I uh,um" I stammered, trying to find the right words.

He was waiting, and I couldn't form a sentence. I took a silent inhale and slowly pushed up both of my burgundy sleeves with shaky hands, revealing my hacked up, scar scattered skin.

I heard Matthew gasp quietly, and the tears that had been threatening to fall finally made their way past the threshold and slid down my cheeks.

"_Jenna..."_ Matthew whispered. I looked up to see tears streaming down his face as well.

I could feel my heart cracking piece by piece.

"Sp-spencer found out" I choked out through the lump in my throat.

"He...he also found my food journal" I let a tiny sob escape, cupping my mouth with my right hand.

I didn't need to say anymore, he already knew what I was confessing.

"_W-why?"_ He asked desperately, delicately running his thumb over my deep scars.

"There's so much I wish you knew" I cried.

"_Then tell me, please"_ He begged, tears overpowering the two of us.

"My-my uncle...h-he'd get really drunk a-and at first he just hit me. The beatings were horrible,-but then once I hit puberty, he...he started using me to fulfill his 'needs'" I blurted out in between sobs.

Matthew didn't make me go on, he put two and two together.

It wasn't everything I wanted to say, and only a fraction of history, but it was a start.

"_Jenna..." _He whimpered, trying to be as consoling as possible. I was bawling, and rightfully so.

He took me into his embrace and stroked my thinning hair as I sobbed. I felt entirely safe I his hold, like the evil world surrounding me couldn't penetrate our own little space.

"_You don't have to go through this alone"_ He spoke softly into my ear.

I'm not sure how long we were like that for, but eventually we both drifted off to sleep, not shifting our intertwined bodies.

Matthew gently shook me awake around 4:30.

"_Jenna, Jenna we have to go, curtain is in a few hours"_ He murmured, smoothing out my muddled strands of hair.

"Okay" I slurred, not wanting to part from Matthew's warm body.

"_I love you Jenna, you know that right?"_ He assured me as I gathered the items I needed for the approaching performance.

"I love you too, Matthew" I grinned, genuinely meaning it.

And just like that, we were off for another night's performance.


	42. Chapter 42

AN: Hey! I'm loving you're feedback! Keep it coming! So this is the cast party. It's...well you'll find out soon ;) I REALLY hope you enjoy!

Chapter 42

Closing night arrived in the blink of an eye, bringing the musical to a bittersweet end.

"_Congratulations cast, we kicked some major ass tonight!" _Ari screamed throughout the girl's dressing room, everyone hooting in agreement.

"_And I am absolutely ready to let loose and forget my own name"_ a voice peaked through the crowd, referring to the cast party that was scheduled to commence within the hour.

I hung up my costumes on the clothing rack and tucked Fantine away into a tiny box within my head, sad to see her go. I knew from the start that it was inevitable.

"_Is it safe?"_ Matthew poked his head into the girl's dressing room with his hands covering his eyes. I looked around the room to check if any girls were still changing, but everyone was all packed and ready to go.

"Yeah, come in" I shouted out to him, chuckling slightly.

"_Well, it's done. Now only nine months till this world takes over our lives again"_ Matthew smirked.

"Yeah, only" I rolled my eyes, buttoning up my coat and Ari doing the same.

"_Alright, ready?"_ Matthew asked, the two of us nodding. We marched out the door and exited the building, hopping into Matthews 2004 Honda Accord.

We blasted the radio and sang along, loosening up for the long night ahead of us. I wasn't 100% sure what that long night entailed exactly, but would soon find out.

After getting lost twice, we arrived at our cast mate Sarah's house. It was your average suburban neighborhood, each house almost identical, only with minor variations.

"_Hello hello! Party is right down stairs"_ Sarah's sister greeted us. We walked down the narrow flight of stairs to our right, spilling out into a medium sized basement. It was lit with color changing lights, turning the area a different hue every ten seconds or so. The floor was made of hardwood, which was essential in a room full of reckless teenagers. A single futon rested against the back wall, opposite the bar area which everyone had full access to. It also harbored a massive stereo, playing mostly alternative tunes.

Ari, Matthew and I stayed linked at the arms when maneuvering through the crowd and finding our own space next to a grouping of chairs.

"_I'm gonna go get a drink, either of you want anything?"_ Ari raised her voice to Matthew and I, since it was the only way we could hear over the blaring music. By drink, she meant ones of the alcoholic family. I wasn't keen on drinking, for obvious reasons.

"Anything diet. And don't mix it with anything" I replied into her ear.

"_A coke"_ Matthew requested. Before we knew it, Ari was lost in the sea of teens. Matthew was our designated driver, so he had to stay sober for the night.

"_Straight edge, eh?"_ He joked, earning a punch in the arm from me. Ari returned with our drinks, handing me a diet ginger ale. In her cup was a mixture of rum and coke, her personal favorite.

We stood on the outskirts of the activity, observing mostly. Couples kissing, strangers sucking face, drunk girls dancing (which soon included Ari). As we looked deeper into the bustle we found kids snorting what seemed to be a white powdery substance.

"Is that what I think it is?" I said into Matthew's ear.

"_If you're thinking cocaine, than you hit the jackpot"_ He replied, chuckling. I could sense he had been to one or more of these 'get togethers'.

"Damn, I guess this is where the expression 'go hard or go home' comes into play" I giggled, receiving one from Matthew as well.

We kept watch of a wasted Ari, making sure she didn't go too over board.

As Matthew and I were chatting about the scene, a group from the ensemble moved towards us and sat in the empty chairs. One of them pulled out a cigarette and rummaged through her bag, coming up empty.

"_Shit, I lost my matches. Does anyone have a light?"_ She asked to the bordering people.

"Oh- I do!" I responded, digging into my skirt pocket and pulling out my Nirvana zippo.

"_Ah! You're my savior Fantine!"_ The girl proclaimed. The cast had gotten used to calling each other by the name of their character, instead of their actual names.

"_Want one? I owe you"_ The noticeably intoxicated girl offered. I hadn't had a cigarette in months, and I was craving one like hell.

"Uh- sure, thanks" I replied, accepting the tobacco filled tube and lighting the tip. The smoke enveloped my lungs and immediately lifted any remaining stress off of my shoulder.

I turned to see a glaring Matthew.

"What?" I asked between drags. He gave me a joking smirk.

"_We're at a party, so I won't patronize you for this. But I better not catch you smoking after this" _He informed me. It was a fair reaction.

"Will do my friend" I grinned, ruffling his hair.

Approximately ten minutes after I finished my cigarette, I was hit with an overwhelming wave of heat.

"I-is it h-hot in h-here?" I asked, feeling my forehead then tying my hair up into a pony tail.

"_Are you kidding? It's freezing down here"_ He laughed.

My heartbeat sped up rapidly, I felt as if it was either going to beat out of my chest or explode. My anxiety instantly went through the roof for no apparent reason, but it made my overactive heart speed up tenfold.

Matthew was busy talking to a friend of his back turned to me, and my limbs suddenly wouldn't allow movement.

As I looked around the room in panic, hoping someone would notice my distress and help me, objects began to move. By move, I mean they twisted and swirled and pulsed, some even changing color.

"What the..." I whispered to myself, astounded by what my eyes were seeing, but terrified just the same.

My rational mind knew that what was happening was entirely impossible, frightening me further.

"_Jenna, Jenna what's going on?"_ Matthew rotated to face me, crouching down and placing his hand on my back.

"Th-...ev'r'th...mving..." I slurred, not being able to tear my eyes or mind away from the sights. I was hyperventilating at that point, which caused even more panic than I already harbored.

"_Jenna, are you alright?"_ Matthew's voice warped from one end of the sound spectrum to the other, startling me.

I jerked my neck down when I felt something on my skin, and was horrified by what I found.

There were tiny masses, crawling underneath every part of my body. I screeched and launched myself off of the chair, losing my balance and taking a crash onto the floor. I clawed at the moving parasites, desperate to get them out.

"_Jenna! Jenna stop it you're hurting yourself!" _Matthew yelled, grabbing both my wrists with one hand, making it impossible for me to escape.

"No- I n-need to g-get them o-out" I stammered. If I bothered to look up, I would have noticed half of the guests eyes were on me. But I was a smidge pre occupied.

"_That's it, you need a hospital. Let's go"_ Matthew declared, picking me up bridal style and carrying me up the stairs, out the door, and placing me in the back seat of the car.

We left Ari behind, in the care of a few of her peers.

"_Jenna, I want you to keep your eyes closed and cover your ears" _He instructed, sliding his fingers over my eye lids and placing my hands over my ears.

I felt the car accelerate, and I started humming to calm myself down. Images of nonsense danced through my brain, creating shapes of all kind.

"_Dr. Reid? Hi, I hate to bother you this late at night, but you need to meet us at St. Mary's Hospital"_ I heard Matthew's worried voice through my cupped ears.

That's when I knew I was really in deep shit.

"_I'll explain everything when you get there, long story short Jenna was drugged and she's freaking out"_

My anxiety advance due to the one ended conversation I was hearing. After the recent events I'd thrown Spencer into, this was the last thing either of us needed.

After what seemed like light years later, the car came to a screeching halt.

Matthew carried me into the emergency room. I made the mistake of opening my bloodshot eyes, and the bright hospital lights burned my retinas.

"_Excuse me? My friend has been drugged and need immediate care!"_ Matthew shouted to anyone who would listen. Two nurses ran over, their faces warping in shape.

"_We need to get her on a stretcher"_ One of the announced, and seconds later retrieved one. Matthew lowered me down onto the cloth, standing by my side as I was wheeled down a white hallway.

"_Sweetheart have you been drinking? What are you seeing?"_ an unfamiliar woman in a blue uniform asked, wiggling a flashlight in front of my face and inspecting my eyes.

Suddenly, she began to strip me of clothing to relieve my excessive sweating. I screeched as loud as I possibly could and twisted my body, kicking my legs up and flailing my limbs violently.

"No! Don't touch me!" I yelled and yelled, thrusting my first at anyone who got in my way. They tried to hold me down, but my adrenaline went into overdrive and I wouldn't stop.

"GET OFF OF ME!" I shrieked, kicking as hard as I could, trying to fight them off.

I felt an unexpected pinch on my upper arm, and an unidentified substance pushed through my veins. Then, everything went black.


	43. Chapter 43

AN: Hey! Again, I am absolutely LOVING the reviews! I'm happy to have such amazing readers :) this is chapter 43, I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 43

I slowly began to open my heavy eyes, my sight blurred. As I came to, my vision cleared and I noticed I was in a bleak hospital room. I looked down at my body, jerking the restraints that bound my wrist.

"What the hell?" I mumbled. The events of the previous night started to come back to me.

I turned my head after I analyzed the cuffs, and saw Spencer sitting in the car to my right. He was hunches over, elbows resting on his knees, with both hands gripping the back of his neck. He bounced his leg aggressively.

"Spencer..." I spoke up, defeated. He let out a sigh, unfolding his body and sitting back in his seat. His face was drooping as if it had aged a hundred years.

"_What the hell Jenna?" _He spewed, rather cold.

"Spencer, please just let me explain-" I pleaded.

"_Yeah, yeah you're going to explain. And you better not lie, either"_ He shot back, cutting me off. I took a deep breath, trying to recount the previous night.

"I didn't really go to Ari's. I went to the cast party with her and Matthew, along with the entire cast, crew, and pit. I wasn't drinking, I stuck close to Matthew who wasn't drinking either. Kids were doing all sorts of drugs all around us, but I didn't voluntarily join in on any of it" I started, getting a bit worked up.

"Next thing I knew, my heart was beating really fast and I was panicking, and then I started to hallucinate...a-and then Matthew drove me to the ER and now I'm here" I finished, tugging at the restraints.

"And I guess I got violent because now I'm stuck in these" I added, irritated.

"_Really? That's everything that happened?" _Spencer replied skeptically. My eyes widened out of his chilly approached.

"Yes, that's what happened Spencer. Come on, you have to believe me" I replied frustrated. He wasn't handling the situation as well as I thought he would.

"_Ya know what, I don't really know what to believe anymore. You're not exactly making this easy for me"_ He retorted, his face noticeably fed up.

"Easy for you? Spencer-" I began heatedly, only to be interrupted by a woman in a white coat entering the room.

"_Oh good, you're awake"_ She greeted, looking over my chart.

"_Here, let me remove those" _She stated, freeing my wrists from captivity.

"Thanks" I replied, rubbing the irritated areas.

"_Alright Jenna, I need to ask you a few questions. Would you like to discuss this privately, or would you like your brother to stay with you?"_ She asked kindly.

"No- he can stay" I said, glaring at Spencer out of the corner of my eye. If I was going to convince him of the truth, it may as well be in front of a witness.

"_Alright. We ran a tox screen, and we found PCP in your system-" _The doctor stated.

"Wait- PCP? How the hell did that get in my body?" I shot back, confused.

"_Well that's what we're trying to find out. Now, have you consumed any alcohol within the past twenty four hours?" _She asked.

"No, no I haven't" I responded, glancing at Spencer.

"_Were you drinking any non-alcoholic beverages around the time you had your reaction?"_

"Yeah, I had a diet ginger ale. But I didn't set it down and I kept it in my sight the entire time" I recalled.

"_Were you using any other drugs?"_

"No, no" I shook my head.

"_Did you accept any food from anyone? Maybe even a cigarette?"_

Shit. The cigarette.

"Yeah, yeah a girl gave me a cigarette" I replied, seeing Spencer shift position out of the corner of my eye.

"_Okay, that seems to be how it got in your system. I'm going to have a nurse come in a check your vitals to make sure you're okay, then you should be able to go home" _She told me, grinning.

"Alright, thank you" I responded as she walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Spencer in silence. I sat there picking at my nails nervously.

"_I want you to see a therapist" _Spencer informed me blankly, starring at the ground. My stomach dropped.

"What? No! I'm not letting a stranger shrink my head" I protested. I had been sent to a shrink once before, and it did not go well.

"_I'm not giving you a choice, Jenna" _He replied, tears sparked from my eyes. I really, really screwed up. I didn't bother putting up a fight, I knew I would only make matters worse.

"I'm sorry" I choked out through the lump in my throat. I felt absolutely terrible, not just because I was dealing with the aftermath of a horrible drug reaction, but because I was causing Spencer more pain and frustration than I could deal with.

"_Yeah? Me too"_ He groaned.

"_Room for one more?" _a voice peaked in from the opened door, it was Emily. I wasn't entirely surprised, I should have known Spencer would contact her.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Emily-hey" I said, wiping the tears from the underneath of my eyes and sitting up.

"_I'm going to go talk to the front desk about releasing you"_ Spencer stood up abruptly and walked out of the room with a substantial amount of anger in his step.

"_I take it he isn't handling this well?"_Emily assumed, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you think?" I huffed out.

"_I stopped by your apartment and grabbed you a change of clothes, I hope that's okay" _Emily told me, handing me a plastic bag containing a pair of light wash skinny jeans, a black and white striped sweater, socks, plain black cotton underwear, a nude bra, and a pair of black keds. I wasn't exactly comfortable with people rummaging through my drawers and touching my undergarments, but given the circumstances I thought it was alright.

"Oh- thanks, this gown feels like it's made of sandpaper" I moaned. Emily sat at the end of my bed, the two of us silent.

"I fucked up" I declared in the quiet room.

"_Well, I can't exactly disagree with that" _Emily responded.

"_What exactly happened? I mean, how?"_ She asked.

"I lied to Spencer and went to a party, and I accepted a cigarette that was unknowingly laced with PCP and had a violent reaction and well, now I'm here" I explained for the third time. Emily tilted her head and her expression showed genuine sympathy.

"And I wasn't drinking, or taking part in the immense amount of drug ingestion going on around me, well not voluntarily at least, and Spencer doesn't believe me and he's just being flat out mean. I get that I've been putting him through more than enough, but the stuff that I'm dealing with isn't exactly easy and he's acting like he's the only one being affected" I ranted, speaking all too fast.

"_He's new at this, he's still getting a lay of the land"_ Emily spoke.

"_Listen, I'll talk to him about letting up a bit. Sound good?"_ she patted my leg, looking me directly in the eye.

"Yeah, yeah that would be great" I grinned, relieved that at least one adult was on my side.

There was a knock on the door, and to my liking it Matthew and Ari.

"_Good, you're alive!"_ Matthew sighed, the two of them entering the room.

"I'm not sure that's an excellent thing to be right now" I rolled my eyes, realizing how true the statement was.

"_I'm gonna go find Spencer, I'll see you later Jenna" _Emily smiled and left the three of us alone. Matthew and Ari took the seats beside me.

"Hold on, before anyone says anything, I'm changing out of this mildly humiliating gown" I announced, rolling out of the bed and taking the three steps to the bathroom.

As I removed the uncomfortable fabric, I noticed bruises scattered across my body, presumably because of the fall I had taken. I also discovered the shallow claw marks running down my arms.

"Great" I huffed, not needing anymore scars. I quickly changed into the clothes Emily brought me, and didn't even bother looking in the mirror at my assumed hideous face.

"Alright, I'm ready" I declared, emerging from the door way and sitting down cross legged on the bed, facing my two best friends.

"_Jenna, I'm really sorry I wasn't able to be there for you" _Ari confessed, visibly upset.

"Ari, seriously, it's okay. You were having the fun you had been waiting for, I wouldn't have wanted you to get wrapped up in this" I consoled her, speaking true. My words seemed to ease her distress.

We sat in silence for a moment. I never thought the day would come, but I actually began to hate the stillness. I was met with it all too often.

"_Jenna, you could have died" _Matthew spit out, bouncing his knee the same way Spencer did, but his tone was much softer.

"No I couldn't have. At least not on your watch" I smirked, producing knowing smiles from Matthew and Ari.

"_Jenna-" _Matthew began, but I knew what was coming and cut him off.

"Can we save the lecture for another time? I've gotten enough of those today" I begged lightly.

"Here, both of you come up here, we're watching a movie. I need a taste of normalcy" I announced, moving over so Matthew and Ari could fit onto the hospital bed. The three of us somehow squished ourselves comfortably and flipped on the television, settling on an old black and white film. We added our own commentary of course, even letting out a few laughs.

I almost forgot the reason that brought us there.

"_come on Jenna, it's time to go home"_ Spencer leaned into the room and declared, monotone.

"Oh- uh, alright. Guess this is goodbye until tomorrow guys" I stood up and straightened out my clothes. Matthew and Ari pulled me into a giant hug, squeezing me nice and tight.

"_We're really glad you're alright"_ Matthew whispered into my ears, then kissing the top of my head and the two of them released their hold.

Spencer and I exited the hospital without a peep, sending us home to embarking on another unfamiliar journey.


	44. Chapter 44

AN: Hey! Sorry about the delay, i had a busy couple of days. To clear a few things up, Matthew and Jenna ARE just friends, but care deeply about each other and that's why their behavior towards each other is so nurturing. I know this sounds a bit repetitive, but I honestly love all of your reviews. Anyway, this is chapter 44!

Chapter 44

"_I don't want you seeing those friends of yours anymore" _Spencer ordered before school the following Monday morning. We hadn't spoken since we left the hospital the day before.

"What? Spencer that's completely irrational!" I shot back.

"_I have a feeling they have a lot to do with your behavior lately" _He replied emotionless. I felt my adrenaline begin to pump.

"First off, Spencer, this 'behavior' you speak of isn't exactly anything new. I've only been living here for what, five months? My history dates back a lot further than that" I fumed in the heat of the moment.

"Second, by not letting me see them, it's just going to make most matters worse. When I'm with them, I'm able to push every shitty thing going on to the back of my head. If anything, they're _helping_ me" I continued, calming down a bit, figuring yelling at him wouldn't convince him of anything.

"_They helped you lie so you could go to a party, that doesn't exactly make them look good"_ He replied.

"And what happened when something went wrong? Oh yeah, they took me to the hospital for proper care when they just as easily could have waited it out. Also, maybe they wouldn't have had to help me lie if you weren't so overprotective..." I responded, trailing off towards the end of my sentence.

"_Jenna, I'm just trying to keep you safe"_ Spencer's tone was slightly harsh, challenging my will power not to scream.

"Yeah look how well that turned out..." I mumbled, picking at my cuticles. Spencer must have heard, because he looked at me with hurt eyes.

"I have to leave for school, I'll see you after dance" I muttered, ignoring his expression and walking out the door to head for school.

"_Hey, there she is"_ Matthew greeted me, Ari by his side. The two of them pulled me into a hug, but I didn't return the favor.

"_What's wrong?"_Ari asked, sensing my increased negativity level.

"_Uh Ari, do we not recall the last forty eight hours?"_ Matthew raised his brow, receiving a scoff.

"_Aside from that, duh"_ She replied, giving his a small shove.

"Spencer isn't exactly being receptive. I just want to move past this, but he's really cracking down" I huffed. As the three of us walked down the hallway, we received a ripple of stares from each person we passed. Whispers ensued, making me all the more uncomfortable.

"Let me guess, it's getting around?" I rolled my eyes as Matthew and Ari nodded.

Great. Just what I needed, the entire school knowing I was drugged and couldn't handle the side effects.

The day carried on, foggy and boring. It was strange not having rehearsal to look forward to, I was so used to it by then that it had become my norm. Whatever my norm was exactly.

Pointe class was quite the relief, after the past few days I needed a healthy way to wash it all away.

Spencer picked me up in silence, drove in silence, and retrieved dinner in silence. Silence, silence, silence.

We arrived back at the apartment around 7:45pm and traveled to the kitchen with the box of Chinese food. I grabbed my pint of vegetable stir fry and started moving towards my room, where I would usually eat a fraction of my dinner and throw out just enough to make it looked like I ate a normal sized portion.

"_Where are you going?"_ Spencer finally spoke up.

"To my room" I replied in an obvious tone.

"_I'd rather you eat in here"_ He pushed. I decided to comply, I had to pick and choose my battles and that specific one didn't seem worth the fight.

I made my way back over to the kitchen table and sat down, opening my container of food and sticking my fork into it.

"_Here, why don't you use a plate"_ Spencer said, placing a paper plate in front of me. I shot him a quick glare as I dumped a fourth of the pints contents onto the dish.

"_How about you take some rice?"_ Spencer asked, or more of ordered.

"I don't want any rice" I answered. I had a feeling I knew what his intent was, and I didn't like it one bit.

"_Take some anyway"_ He replied in a stern manor, staring me in the eye. I returned the gaze while grabbing hold of the rice container and taking a spoonful out.

"_More"_ He urged, his tone just as firm as before.

"Alright, what's with this tough love thing all of a sudden? Because frankly I'm not a very big fan of it" I shot out, noticeably irritated.

"_What tough love thing?" _He replied, monotone, not breaking eye contact. I raised my left brow in protest.

"Spencer, I'm not an idiot" I responded, my words apparently not phasing him because he began eating once again.

"_Eat your dinner"_ He insisted in between chews. Aggravated, I took as many bites as my stomach and mind could handle and set down my utensil, then crisscrossing my legs and analyzing my callused, blistered feet.

"_Is that all you're going to eat?"_ Spencer's tone had a more natural aspect to it, but probably because he noticed I wasn't responding to his strict attitude.

"Oh my god" I moaned, throwing my head back then letting it fall into my hands. "Spencer," I started, looking up at him and resting my elbows on the table. "I know a lot has happened lately, but _I'm still Jenna._ You're acting like I'm a totally different person" I continued, freezing and waiting for Spencer to respond. After a few seconds, I gave up and pushed myself out of my chair.

"I know this is hard for you Spenc, but it's pretty damn hard for me too and I don't think you're handling any of this appropriately" I declared, stepping closer to the entrance to the living room. I waited a few moments for Spencer to answer, but instead of words he responded with a face of defeat. I sucked up my guilt and retreated into my room, frustrated and annoyed.


	45. Chapter 45

AN: Hey! So again, thank you so much for all of the feedback. I'm sorry this took longer than expected, I had some temporary writers block. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 45

"_Alright everyone, that's enough for today. See you all next week"_ My contemporary instructor Taylor sighed, wrapping up the cord to the small stereo in the far left corner of the room. Most of the class had been very uncooperative and lazy that Friday night, and I was just about as frustrated as Corrine. I changed out of my foot thongs and gathered my belongings, heading into the main lobby of the studio. To my surprise, instead of seeing Spencer as per usual, Emily was in his place.

"Oh, h-hey. Where's Spencer?" I asked, slightly taken back but definitely not disappointed.

"_He's at the BAU catching up on the extra files Morgan slipped him, he won't be home till late so I figured we could hang around for a little while"_ Emily replied as I did a little dance inside my head, thrilled to spend the evening with someone other than a silent Spencer.

"Oh, yeah that sounds great" I said, grinning genuinely, something I had almost forgotten I had the capability of doing.

We exited the studio and arrived back at the apartment ten minutes later.

"I'll be right back, I need to get out of this spandex" I announced, retreating into my bedroom. For my contemporary dance class, we had to wear footless tights, black spandex shorts, and a white thick strapped tank top. Not only was I self conscious, but sweating underneath tights AND spandex was not exactly a comfortable experience.

I changed into a pair light grey sweatpants and a thick burgundy sweater. I had started to bundle up more and more when I was around the team, hoping they wouldn't notice my declining weight and make a huge stink about it like they had before.

"All better" I declared while joining Emily in the kitchen. She was unpacking items from a bag, and I moved closer to get a better look.

"_I know you like diet, personally I don't understand how you bare the after taste but hey, I'm not the one drinking it" _Emily said while retrieving a two liter bottle of diet ginger ale from the canvas bag. I was surprised she didn't force me to consume a regular soft drink like I had expected.

"Oh, thank you" I responded, analyzing the bottle then grabbing two cups from the cabinet. I filled mine the diet ginger ale and Emily's with pepsi.

Suddenly, I heard popping coming from the microwave.

"Um, I'll finish up in here, how about you set up the movie?" I asked Emily.

"_Oh, sure sure. What movie should we watch?" _Emily replied on her way out of the kitchen.

"Surprise me!" I shouted into the living room. Once Emily was searching through the DVD case underneath the television, I rummaged through the bag she brought over, hunting for the popcorn box.

"Newmann's Own Organic Popcorn, 100 calories per package and 1.5 grams of fat. Not _too _bad" I whispered to myself under my breath, biting my nubby nails. My thoughts were interrupted by the beeping of the microwave. I opened the inflated bag and emptied it into a light green plastic bowl, adding a touch of extra salt and shaking the container to mix it up.

"Alright, so what are we watching?" I requested as I joined Emily on the sofa, placing the popcorn in between us and taking hold of my glass icy drink.

"_Back to the Future"_ Emily shot out before inhaling a hand full of popcorn. I giggled, then grabbing my own handful as well. I could vaguely see Emily's stare through my peripheral vision, but I disregarded it. I popped the morsels into my mouth two by two, chewing each bite ten times, then sipping my soda. As the movie progressed, I found myself loosing track of bites and chews. I panicked for a moment, then shoved that tormenting voice into the back of my head. Instead I got wrapped up in dialogue and various jokes and comments Emily and I exchanged.

"I don't think I could ever get sick of this movie" I stated as the film came to a close.

"_I don't think anyone in their right mind could get tired of it"_ Emily laughed, then checking her watch.

"_Wow, nine thirty already? Morgan must have slipped Spencer more files than I thought"_ Emily added, causing me to stand up abruptly and start cleaning up the mess we had made.

"Maybe he should do that more often" I blurted out with a straight expression, realizing it sounded a bit harsh.

"_I take it things aren't going too well between you too?"_ Emily assumed.

"Well I'm not allowed to see my friends outside of school, I'm constantly under surveillance, he's enforcing this whole 'tough love' sort of thing, oh and we haven't spoken more than three words to each other since Monday night. So no, things aren't going well at all" I ranted with an aggravated tone. Emily placed her hand on my shoulder, generating an initial flinch on my end.

"I just hate how he's treating me so differently. As he finds out more about me, he acts as if I'm a different person. I'm not, I'm still Jenna" I added, running my hands over my face in a tired motion.

"_I think you two need to talk" _Emily replied as if she was hiding something, like our talk would reveal some sort of mystery that would explain his behavior. I was too drained to read into to, though.

"_He should be home soon, I'll have a quick word with him before hand to make sure he doesn't come into it angry. Sound good?"_Emily offered with caring eyes, eyes that I was very grateful to have help me through whatever issue came about.

"That would be splendid" I responded with large sigh, flopping back onto the couch. Of course, because I had just agreed to a discussion, I heard the jumbling of keys in the front door and the turning of the doorknob.

"Well looks like I don't have much time to prepare" I mumbled, shoving my face into a black throw pillow I took from my bed set.

I caught a glimpse of Emily getting up and walking over to Spencer, and they exchanged a few words. I could only make out a few of them since they were whispers, but that was all I needed.

"_You got her to eat popcorn?"_

"_That's not important, I think you should tell her about..."_ Emily's voice dropped lower in volume, cutting off the end of her sentence. Spencer gulped, so I figured it couldn't be good.

"_Alright, I should get going. Bye Jenna, I'll see you next week"_ Emily grinned and waved, then walked out of the apartment, leaving Spencer and I all alone. He dropped his bags and sat in the leather arm chair next to the sofa. The two of remained silent for a solid two minutes while Spencer stared intently at the carpeted floor.

"_Tobias Hankel"_ He spoke up.

"Who?" I replied, scrunching my face with confusion.

"_One year, seven months, three weeks and five days ago, we were on a case investigating a string of murders Georgia. We were searching for a team that called in the murder just before committing the act and broadcasted it on the internet"_ Spencer started, giving me a slight chill.

_We came across Tobias Hankel, who at first we thought was innocent. One night JJ and I went to pay him a visit, and we figured out that it was him- he was the unsub. He ran, so we split up went around either side of the barn, a-and I went into the corn field to find him. Next thing I know I was hit square in the face"_ He continued, the air becoming tenser and tenser.

"_I woke up in a barn, bound to a chair. You see, Tobias had three personalities: his own; his father, Charles; and Raphael. Raphael and Charles would switch off, beating and torturing me with a live video feed going straight to the team's location"_ Spencer's words had punched me directly in the chest.

"_Tobias appeared now and then, taking care of me, acting kind. He, he-uh, he injected me with dilaudid, to-to ease the pain" _Spencer took a deep breath.

_"The team found me about three days later, while I was being forced to dig my own grave"_

"Spencer..." I spit out, tears welling up in my eyes. I still wasn't sure what the story had to do with his behavior towards me, but I went along with it.

He cleared his throat, then continued.

"_When Tobias was shot and killed, I took the left over dilaudid from his pocket"_

My stomach churned.

"_I didn't know how to cope, so I turned to the needle to do it for me. I struggled with the addiction for a few months, I actually got clean not too long before you arrived"_ Spencer let out a tiny smile, out of victory I assumed. I wasn't sure how long 'not too long before you arrived' meant, but I didn't push the matter.

I couldn't find the right words to say, instead my mouth just made shapes of syllables, but nothing came out. A few tears rolled down my cheeks, and I was too stunned to catch them.

Finally, I found the words.

"W-why didn't you tell me this earlier?" I managed through the lump in my throat.

"_I was afraid you'd resent me" _His distraught eyes met mine.

"Spencer, how could I resent you for something that took over your own control?" I replied lightly. I was familiar with addiction, not drug addiction exactly, but when it comes down to it addiction is addiction.

Spencer looked down in shame as I sniffled. It was then that I realized why he was being so rough towards me since the PCP incident: he was drugged against his will, and that advanced into a full blown dilaudid dependency. I was drugged involuntarily, and he was terrified that I would go down the same path he did.

"_You're a smart kid Jenna, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just I know how easily judgment can be clouded when it comes to coping" _He shot out. I reached over and grabbed his hand from his lap and took it into mine, surprising Spencer.

"Spencer, when I tell you I never want to touch anything that mind altering again, I mean it" I promised him genuinely. After a few seconds I let go of my grasp and sat back on my legs. A wave of exhaustion slapped my across the face, and I stood up to walk to my bedroom.

"I'm pretty sure you're just as drained as I am" I let out, sticking my hand out in front of Spencer, yanking him up from the chair. I wrapped my arms around his torso and squeezed, and he encased my upper body in his hold.

"Thank you for telling me" I said into his chest. He kissed the top of my head as he ran his fingers over my lengthy hair.

I went to bed that night with a stronger sense of who Spencer was, and why he did what he did. I slept soundly knowing that our relationship had finally been restored.


	46. Chapter 46

AN: Hey! Thank you so much for all of the feedback on my last chapter! Sorry for the delay, I wanted to be done with this much earlier but things were hectic. So this is chapter 46, enjoy!

Chapter 46

_Episode 4x12- Soul Mates_

"Breathe, Jenna, just breath" I whispered with my head clenched between my two hands. I had woken up at exactly 3:38am drenched in sweat, trembling, and suffering from stomach flipping dizziness. Sections of my sandy hair plastered to my pale skin, which at that point was virtually translucent. I eased myself out of bed with my eyes shut, not wanting to aggravate the level of wooziness. I grabbed onto every piece of furniture in my reach as I made my way to the kitchen. I grabbed the nearest glass with my quaking fist and held it under the faucet, half of the descending water missing the cup entirely. I chugged what was caught with a quick pace, then set the empty glass down on the counter with more force than intended. I leaned my arms on the granite slab and shifted my weight so my elbows supported the rest of my body.

I would have been worried about waking Spencer, but he and the team had been away on a case for the past couple of days so the apartment was all mine.

"This is not what I need right now" I grumbled, my voice escalating in volume. It was the first day of winter break for the holidays, which I never really celebrated and apparently neither did Spencer so we decided not to make a huge deal out of the whole Christmas shebang. I had been planning on getting him a gift, which I was supposed to do that afternoon but my immune system had other plans.

I knew I wouldn't be getting any additional sleep, and in an attempt to lower my body temperature, I threw myself into a cold shower. The icy beads pounded on my aching skin, soothing me yet causing all the more pain as I sat at the bottom of the tub. I weakly washed myself, feeling like even picking up my shampoo bottle was like trying to move a bolder. After my skin was pruned and even paler than before, I cautiously climbed through the glass door and wrapped myself in a dark blue towel, then rubbing off the condensation that clung onto the mirror cover of the medicine cabinet.

"Christ..." I mumbled, examining my drooping features. My face seemed to sag, my eyes hidden within outer rings of pinkish-purple hue accompanied by large bags beneath my lids. To avoid analyzing my flaws further, I departed from the bathroom entirely and headed back into my bedroom. I checked the time just before brushing out my sopping wet hair, and the clock read only 4:45am, still too early to call Spencer.

I pulled on a simple thick strapped white tank top and a pair of navy blue cotton shorts, exposing my boney chest and scar filled arms. I was then thankful that Spencer was absent from the situation, that way I didn't have to worry about constant concerned look or suffer and sweat through bulky clothing.

To my dismay, my shower only cooled me down enough for my sweat glands to hold off for about ten minutes or so. I hauled myself around the apartment and opened the windows in the kitchen and living room, something Spencer would probably have a fit over if he knew, even though we lived on the seventh floor. He was constantly on my back about what safety precautions to take when he was away, including keeping all windows and doors locked at all times.

I traveled into the kitchen and filled a ziplock bag with ice, moving onto the towel I had spread out on the sofa and flopping on top of it. The combination of sweat and suede was not exactly my idea of comfortable, so the towel served as a median between the two. I pressed the cubes to separate parts of my body for minutes at a time until I covered the perimeter. I flipped on the television, settling on a marathon of _Friends_. I dozed in and out for hours, not catching any decent sleep. Around mid morning, the vibration of my cell phone produced a rather displeasing noise against the glass coffee table.

"Hello?" I answered without even looking at the caller ID.

"_Hey, we still on for Christmas shopping today?"_ A voice that I recognized as Matthew replied. I was so focused on my ailment I had forgotten to call and cancel our plans.

"Shit, can we reschedule? I think I caught a bug at school or something and I'm sick as a dog" I choked out, my scratchy throat becoming more and more strained.

"_Oh, yeah yeah of course. Is Spencer back yet?" _Matthew asked.

"Nope, still in Atlanta" I coughed intensely, leaving me a mildly lightheaded. 

"_Jeez, you sound terrible"_ Matthew started. _"And you're all alone, with no one to take care of you?"_ He continued, growing a bit of a protective tone.

"Yeah, but I think maybe I'll call Garcia or something-" I began, but was interrupted by another coughing fit. I wasn't really going to call Garcia, I didn't want to get in the way of the case, but I wanted Matthew to think that I was in good hands.

"_Don't bother, I'm coming over. I'll see you in a half hour"_ Matthew announced, not giving me the chance to respond before hanging up. I felt badly for taking up his time and potentially infecting him as well, but I was too sick to over think it. I unlocked the door ahead of time, knowing I wouldn't want to get up later.

Soon enough, Matthew flew through the door.

"_I am here to your rescue" _He declared, setting down a canvas bag on the coffee table and sitting down on the empty side of the couch.

"_I brought over a few things that always make me feel better when I'm sick"_ Matthew stated, reaching into the tote.

"_I got you a five bottles of Gatorade, I wasn't sure which flavors you liked best, but you strike me as an Orange/Cool Blue/Lemon-Lime type of person, so I hope those are okay"_ He said, pulling out the bottles and placing them on the glass slab.

"_I also brought throat lozenges, Tums in case you're nauseous, and I was going to bring you chicken soup but I remembered you tend to stay away from meat so I picked up some miso soup instead"_ He said while continuing to unload the bag. I grinned at the amount of thought he put into his choices, and how he nailed everything from my favorite drink flavor to soup preference, without me having to say anything.

"Wow, you really went all out" I let out, reading the label on an orange bottle of Gatorade and twisting the cap off.

"_Well, you're sick and I want you better again"_ He replied, opening up the container of soup and dipping a spoon into it, handing it over to me. I accepted it without hesitation, both to my surprise and Matthews.

"Thank you, Matthew. It means a lot" I smiled, taking a spoonful of soup into my dry mouth.

"_It's my pleasure, really" _he replied. There was a comfortable moment of silence between the two of us, with the exception of the television. I ate the soup to my stomachs content, feeling slightly better since I had something in my system.

"_Oh, I almost forgot"_ Matthew stood up and walked out of the room, returning with forehead thermometer in his hand. It hadn't even occurred to me to take my temperature, I was sure I had a high fever. I pushed the few strands of hair that fell from my pony tail out of the way, some of which stuck to my face due to excessive perspiration.

"Bleh, sorry I'm disgusting right now" I moaned, trying to wipe off as much sweat as I could.

"_Nonsense, you're beautiful" _Matthew said casually, making my let out a slight chuckle. He pressed the thermometer to my temple and dragged it across to the middle of my forehead.

"_102.3, as I expected"_

"Fabulous" I huffed sarcastically.

Matthew and I spent the entire day on the sofa, flipping from channel to channel as we got bored of the various television programs. He catered to my needs, even though I tried to convince him I could fend for myself. The two of us were equally as stubborn, creating some rather comical arguments. I could see the glances he casted at my arms from time to time, but neither of us said a word. He was the only one I was entirely comfortable around when in such a bare state, so I didn't see the point in covering up. He accepted me the way I was.

Young Jenna Reid was peacefully sleeping in the same spot she had claimed at the beginning of the exhausting day. Her fever had finally broken, and Matthew had covered her frail body with a light fleece blanket. He brushed back the small strands of hair from her face, taking in her raw features. He cared deeply for the girl, and risking the possibility of catching an illness seemed like a small price to pay for taking her under his wing.

He began to tidy up the apartment, putting Jenna's drinks and such in the refrigerator, wiping down the coffee table that endured a few spills throughout the day. He proceeded to wash the dirty dishes the two of them had produced, making sure he did so quietly so he didn't wake the sleeping teen.

Spencer Reid was just getting home from a long case late that night, turning his key in the door and calmly entering the apartment. Upon his arrival, he saw his younger half-sister passed out on the couch, and the kitchen sink running. His instincts kicking in, he drew his gun and crept around the short wall separating the living room form the kitchen. He quickly turned the corner and pointed his gun the boy standing opposite him at the sink, scaring the teen and making him jump and throw his hands in the air.

The agent realized who it was, and lowered his weapon.

"_Matthew? What are you doing here?"_ Spencer asked skeptically.

"J-Jenna called me this morning and told me she was sick, so I came over to make sure she was okay. I hope that's alright" Matthew replied, still frazzled with his arms in the air.

"D-do you mind putting that away?" he asked, gesturing to Spencer's gun still in hand. The doctor tucked the weapon into his holster and Matthew relaxed.

"_How sick is she? Why did she call me?"_ Spencer asked quietly with a bit of a frenzied tone.

"She didn't want to distract you from the case. She had a wicked fever, but it broke around a half an hour ago. She's shaky, complaining of muscle pains, nausea, and has a terrible cough. I brought over a few harmless remedies that always help me when I'm sick, and they seemed to have worked for her too" The dark haired boy recited to the lanky older brother of his best friend. Spencer gulped and gazed at Jenna from a far.

"Um, I guess since you're back I best be getting home" Matthew said, starting toward the kitchen exit.

"_Thank you, Matthew, for taking care of Jenna. I'm glad she has a friend like you" _Spencer spoke with his hands in his pockets and eyes directed to the ground. As much as he hated to idea of his younger sister having any involvement with a boy, just friends or anything more, he couldn't deny that Matthew was good for her.

"Anytime" the teenage boy grinned, picking up his bag and heading out the door.


	47. Chapter 47

AN: Hey! I'm so sorry this took so long, I was on vacation and although I brought my lap top, there were no outlets that suited my charger! Oh, the struggles of a writer lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter 47!

Chapter 47

"_Well, looks like you've recovered fast"_ Spencer laughed as rehearsed fouette after fouette en pointe in the living room which I shifted furniture around so I didn't hit into any objects. I had been terribly sick all through the holidays, making for a pretty bogus winter vacation.

"Swan Lake auditions are in two weeks, and if I want the role of the Swan Queen I need to be able to do 28 fouette's non-stop" I informed Spencer with the little breath I had left, still in full spinning motion. I kept losing my balance anywhere from my eighteenth to twenty fifth turn, my frustration rising each time I failed.

"Damnit" I muttered as I stumbled out of the turn and nearly toppling over. I heard a concealed giggle from Spencer's end, earning a glare from me.

"I'd like to see you try spinning on your toes covered by blisters and callus''" I retorted, catching my breath. Spencer sipped his coffee, covering up a smirk.

I decided to stretch further, thinking that maybe I wasn't extending my leg enough. I grabbed onto the leather recliner and stretched my left leg up to my ear, forming a ninety degree angle.

"Spenc, do me a favor and push my leg a bit would you?" I requested, and Spencer reluctantly pressed on my leg, creating a new eighty six degree angle. I felt my muscles strain, then slowly loosen.

"Thanks, I think that should do it" I said, unfolding my body. I continued rehearsing, and low and behold, I finally hit twenty eight full fouette's and sticking an ending pose.

"Christ, finally!" I cheered, dropping onto my backside out of exhaustion. Spencer gave me a small round of applause, probably glad he didn't need to hear the clacking of my pointe shoes against the hard wood floor any longer.

"_When are these auditions again?"_ Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Exactly two weeks, fifteen hours, and thirty three minutes" I replied, looking at my watch then taking a large swig of water. I all of a sudden felt light headed, and the room began to spin. Already on the ground, I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes, taking three solid deep breaths. Spencer couldn't see me form where he was sitting, so the problem was all my own.

I waited until spell subsided, then slowly stood u and made my way to the kitchen. I felt woozy once again, and quickly grabbed an apple from the bowl in front of me. Although psychologically eating the fruit was torture, it swept away my physical side effects.

I quietly made my way to my bedroom, changing out of my tights and leotard and into sweats and a new knit sweater I received from Emily as a Christmas gift a week and a half prior. It was a black knit with tiny pink ballet slippers scattered across the material. It was a naturally loose fit, which made me love it even more. I was given a variety of Christmas gifts, actually. Sweaters from Emily, Dance wear from JJ, antique books from Rossi and Hotch, a box set of the television show _Friends_ from Derek, and a journal from Garcia along with new computer software. I was surprised they got me presents, I wasn't expecting them to, and I felt badly that I didn't return the favor. They insisted it was 'ay okay', but guilt still lingered lightly in my head.

Spencer's gift was one that I really wasn't expecting. He had purchased me a rather gorgeous necklace. It had a round tanzanite stone surrounded by a ring of tiny little diamonds, the pendent residing on a simple silver chain. When I initially opened it, it brought tears to my eyes, which I quickly wiped away. I could tell by the looks of it that it was expensive, making its sentimental worth go up in my book. I promised myself I would wear it at all times, partly because of its beauty and partly as a reminder that contrary to popular belief, I did have something good in my very screwy life.

But, although I did have that constant reminder, I found out that it did not have the power to chase away the demons that plagued me.

As I was changing, I heard a collection of voices on the other side of my door. Curious, I stepped out and into the hallway and journeyed into the living room where I found the team, minus JJ and Hotch.

"_Hey Mini-Reid, what's shakin'?"_ Derek smiled and initiated a first bump.

"_Glad to see you like the sweater"_ Emily grinned, not leaving her place on the sofa.

"_And it looks adorable if I may add!" _ Garcia gushed, looking me up and down then pulling me into a hug.

"_I hope you've been pacing yourself with those books"_ Rossi greeted, motioning to the stack of antiques he and Hotch had given me.

"I'm trying, thank you again by the way" I replied. It was then that I realized I was fairly gross looking. Hair falling out of a pony tail, baggy pants, no makeup, and sweaty skin.

"Oh, i-if I knew you guys were coming over I would h-have cleaned up a bit" I declared, directing my vision to the ground and letting out a nervous chuckle.

"_Oh please, I've never seen someone make natural look so stunning" _Garcia pinched my cheeks, earning a small laugh from the rest of the room.

"_Alright pretty boy, where do you want this hung up?"_ Derek asked Spencer, pointing to the framed _"The Face of War"_ by Salvador Dali that I had hunted down and given to him for the holidays. Spencer walked over to him and they began discussing its position, while Emily, Garcia and I ventured into the kitchen to gather a few snacks to lay out for everyone. They searched for bowls to empty chips and such into as I made a pitcher of iced tea and grabbed a few glasses.

Derek started pounding a nail into the living room wall with a hammer, generating a loud banging noise and making me flinch each time. Loud noises made my anxiety spike, and forced memories I thought I had forgotten to the front of my brain. Bad ones, at that.

I stirred the powered mix into the recommended amount of water, hoping to distract myself from the scene in my head.

"_Oh!"_ Garcia piped up, and I turned around swiftly to see a glass cup plummeting to the ground. Not seconds later, it crashed to the ground and shattered, producing an ear piercing bash.

My muscles tensed with the combination of the two sounds, and I held my breath. Almost immediately, an unpleasant flash back washed over me.

_I was sitting in my bedroom, minding my own business at the ripe age of twelve. Suddenly, my uncle Chris kicked in the door with his muddy boots and stood in the doorway, drunk yet again with a near empty bottle in his hand. _

"_You, come" he slurred, sluggishly pointing at me. I shook my head and pressed myself against the wall beside my bed. He abruptly swung his fist to the left, smashing the bottle against the door frame, shards flying in every which direction. He charged in my direction with a low grunt, taking my neck into his hold and raising my frail body up, crushing my windpipe and cutting off my air. He squeezed harder and harder, and just before I passed out, he let go. I coughed and coughed, thinking it was over._

_But no. _

_He flipped me over onto my stomach and stuck his hand up my night gown, yanking my hair back and bringing his lips to my ear._

"_This is what you get" He whispered, his smarmy voice making my skin crawl. Just as the worst was yet to come-_

I dropped to the ground and pushed myself behind the kitchen table, blockading myself with the legs of a chair. I curled up and cupped my hands over my ears, shutting my eyes and tight as possible and shoving my face into my knees.

"NO! NO NO NO NO PLEASE DON'T!" I shouted to the memory version of my uncle in my mind.

"STOP IT! PLEASE!" I pleaded and pleaded. I felt a hand touch my foot, and I instantly drew back.

"Don't touch me! Please just don't!" I whimpered, lifting my head up hastily and opening my eyes a bit, tears pouring out.

"_Jenna, Jenna calm down, it's me, Spencer"_ The figure had a name, and it was Spencer. I was not in the clutches of my uncle, but in the corner of my own apartment surrounded by five FBI agents.

"_Jenna, you're safe" _Spencer added. My heart was pounding so hard it actually hurt, and my staggered breathing only aided my panic. My focus darted around the room, my shaky hands attempting to wipe away my damp cheeks.

"_Jenna, you can come out, no one's going to hurt you"_ Spencer said softly, searching for eye contact. His voice calmed me slightly, but not nearly enough for my liking. I slowly shuffled through the legs of the chairs, Spencer making sure not to lay his hands on me. Still in a sitting position, and still crying steadily, I stopped in the middle of the floor.

"_See, that wasn't so hard was it?"_ Spencer said, trying to ease my fright. The four other agents all made a brisk movement at once, the noise frightening me and causing me to rocket myself into the corner between the refrigerator and the wall. My eyes widened and I began to cry more heavily.

"Please, just leave me alone" I sobbed, eyes shut once again. I could sense the team exit the room quietly.

"Just leave me alone" I murmured wearily as I felt my body become heavy. I stayed there for what seemed like hours, and my tried mind and body eventually drifted into a deep, deep sleep.


	48. Chapter 48

AN: Hey! I really wanted to have this one done yesterday, but between school, doctors appointments, and choir concerts, my schedule was packed. Anyway, again, I'm loving the reviews! Keep em' coming! So, here's chapter 48! Enjoy!

Chapter 48

I slowly came to, fluttering my eye lids in an attempt to de-blur the sight in front of me. I had somehow made my way from the kitchen floor to my own bed, facing the wall. By the way the room was lit, I estimated it was around 5pm, seeing as the sun was almost fully set. I starred at the various posters and news clippings I had pinned up over the past few months, recalling my 'freak out' just a few hours before. I picked at a small chip in the varnish with my nail, my neck growing stiff. I decided to turn over, and was quickly startled. I saw Spencer, he was sitting in the chair at my desk with his hands linked in front of him and chin to chest, sleeping. I let out a small yelp from the initial fright it caused me, basically because I wasn't expecting him to be there. He jerked away, nearly tipping over the black wheeled seat.

"Sorry, I-I uh, you um, yeah" I stuttered, brushing my hair out of my face. I was still a bit disoriented.

"_No-no it's fine. I-I didn't mean to scare you"_ Spencer replied cautiously. I could feel another 'serious talk' coming on, and I was definitely not looking forward to it.

"How long have you been sitting there for?" I asked, curious as well as attempting to push off the incoming conversation.

"_Two hours, thirteen minutes, and forty seven seconds"_ He stated, glancing at his watch.

"Where'd the team go?" I added. They had fallen whiteness to my antic, and seemed to have disappeared.

"_They left a few hours ago, they wanted to let you rest"_ He cleared his throat. I sat up and leaned my back against my headboard, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around their tiny frame. My bones rubbed harshly against one another, but I was too preoccupied with the thoughts in my head to care about the physical nonsense.

We sat in silence, neither of us really knowing how to approach the situation. Finally, Spencer spoke up.

"_I know you're not exactly keen on talking about this, but you need to tell me what happened"_ He said softly, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. I kept my sight directed at my blistered feet, saying nothing.

"_Jenna, you show clear signs of PTSD, and if they weren't apparent before today, they definitely are now"_ He tacked on, keeping his tone light and his gaze just the same. I sat still, no words making it from my brain to my mouth. Spencer and I had previously had a rather disgruntled confrontation about the same matter just four months prior, and although he didn't get a full straight answer out of me, something told me he already knew what I endured. Despite that knowledge, I still did not feel comfortable discussing the events, for obvious reasons.

"_Jenna just talk to me-" _He began, but something inside of me snapped before he could finish.

"What do you want me to tell you, Spencer? Huh? The time I was locked in a closet for two days without food or water, how about that? Or how for my thirteenth birthday I was thrown down a flight of stairs and nearly cracked my head opened? Do you want me to admit that I was beaten and raped for four whole years, leaving me with such a plethora of external _and_ internal scarring that I don't know any different? I might not even be able to have _kids_, Spencer. That's how badly I was done over" I shouted through my teeth, tears forming in my eyes and entire body shaking with anger. I don't know what came over me, all I know is that what it was, it was damn ugly.

"You wanted to know. So there, now you know" I threw my hands up and let them fall dead weight into my newly crossed legs. Spencer's expression was reflecting one of hurt, and I had realized I let my temper get the best of me. Also, I had revieled one of my deepest, darkest, and most painful memories that I vowed to keep hidden. I felt entirely exposed.

Spencer's eyes were glossed over, sucking his lips in. An instantaneous wave of fault washed over me, and I felt my face flush of all color. I cupped my hand over my mouth and took a breath.

"I'm sorry" I shot out, raising my eyebrows, causing wrinkles in my forehead. "I-I don't have a f-filter when I get upset I'm sorry-" I started rapidly, shaking my head back and forth in tiny motions.

"_Jenna" _Spencer cut in with a nervous laugh. _"You need to stop apologizing for everything"_ he said. I opened my mouth to repeat the mantra again, then shutting it because that was exactly the point Spencer was trying to enforce.

"_You don't need to be sorry for things you can't control, inside your head or out" _He put gently. I anxiously slipped my hand up my sleeve and ran my fingers over scar tissue I had inflicted myself as a source of comfort. I thought of them as a work of art almost, a very morbid piece that is.

Spencer gulped, sitting back in his chair and a solemn screen covered his face and body.

"_How do you want me to help you? D-do you want to see a therapist? I know I've said that before but it was never really discussed-" _He began to ramble, but I put my hand up in protest.

"No, no therapists. I have enough trouble expressing my emotions to myself let alone a stranger that's getting paid to care about me" I said in disapproval. I had not had any experience with shrinks, but the entire idea of the process didn't sound practical to me.

"_Then what do you want me to do?"_He pleaded, eyes watery, shoulders slumping. His demeanor caused me further upset, which I wasn't sure was even possible at that point.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"_You're clearly hurting, Jenna. You're dealing with a lot more than someone of your age- well of any age really, should be. We deal with cases that show us what lies down the road for people that have been through what you have, and even thinking about any of those things happening to you scares the daylight out of me"_ Spencer admitted, my stomach churning with guilt. I never intended on becoming such a 'burden' so to speak, especially if it meant causing him distress.

I stayed silent, yet again.

"_You know, I'm your older brother along with your legal guardian, and with the combination of those two roles I'm supposed to be guiding you, taking care of you. Right now I don't think I'm doing too great of a job" _He confessed, chipping away at the worn beating mass protected by layers of muscle and bone that resided in my chest.

"What? Spencer why would you even think that?" I questioned, pinching my face in.

"_Jenna, just think about what's happened since you've been here" _He replied. I began to recall the past events; the nightmares, the fights, the trip to the hospital, Spencer uncovering my self-destructive behavior, and then the episode that brought us to that specific conversation. He was right, things were screwy, but they had nothing to do with his capability of watching over me.

"Spenc, none of this is your fault, you have to know that" I assured him. "You've been incredible. Opening up your entire life to me, squeezing in a stubborn, temperamental, disordered mess of a teenager into your already hectic existence. I was damaged before I could tie my own shoes, and you have nothing to do with that. Don't blame yourself for what's going on in _my_ head" I reassured, resuming my position of the counseling aid. Somehow, every serious discussion I got myself into ended up in me playing social worker. I didn't mind, at least it took the main focus off of my own flaws. Well, sort of.

"_Yeah, I guess I can't"_ Spencer realized. I grinned at his enormous amount of cluelessness. It was kind of cute actually, how he approached everything blindly and became incredibly frazzled, even with that brain of his.

"Now if you don't mind, I'm still rather exhausted and I'm still feeling a bit under the weather" I announced, hoping to bring the conversation to a close.

"_I'm fairly tired myself, good call" _Spencer replied, pushing himself out of his seat and letting out a long breathe of air. He leaned over and placed his hand gently to the back of my head, causing an initial flinch, but he dismissed it and planted a light kiss to the top of my scalp.

"_Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning"_ He promised.

"Goodnight" I replied as he advanced closer to the door. He shut the door with caution, waiting three seconds until he retreated into his own bedroom. I went to sleep that night with an abundance of conflicting emotions, none of which I could accurately pin point.


	49. Chapter 49

AN: Hey! Love love loving the reviews, thank you all so much! So, I feel like this is a chapter that a lot of you have been begging me for;) I hope you like it!

To guest reviewer PatrickVerona: I know OC means Original Character, but I have no idea what OCC means! I've been on this sight for months and I still don't know what some things mean. Sorry!

Chapter 49

"Let's go Spencer! If I'm late Mrs. Bates will skin me alive and wear me as a jacket!" I shouted through Spencer's bedroom door, growing more irritated as the clock ticked. It was the night of my winter chorus concert, and all three choirs were given strict instructions to arrive in Mrs. Bates room at 6:50pm in time to warm up for our 7:30 performance.

"_Alright alright already"_ Spencer flew out through to door, adjusting his sweater vest. He stopped abruptly and examined my appearance.

"_Wow, y-you look so...grown up" _He laughed nervously. I was in my required concert attire, which consisted of a black fit and flare floor length gown with a sweetheart neckline, complete with sheer lace sleeves, and pair of simple 3-inch black heals. I had straightened my hair (for the first time in months I might add), pinning two front pieces back. My eye makeup was a smoky hue of nudes, accompanied by the classic Marilyn Monroe top winged liner. I vetoed bottom liner, and just went with mascara. I also had applied a moderately deep red lipstick to pull the look together. It was way more than I was used to wearing, but it was a nice change.

"We don't have _time_ for mushy talk, let's go" I rolled my eyes and headed towards the front door to leave. I was in an especially cranky mood the entire day. Between returning to school, the pressure to memorize my sheet music, Swan Lake auditions just three days away, and an empty stomach, I wasn't exactly a beaming ray of sunshine.

The car ride was quiet, well for the most part.

"_Are you okay?"_ Spencer asked, glancing from the road to me, then to the road again.

"Just on edge" I replied through my teeth, rubbing my right temple with my index finger.

"_Well have you eaten anything today?"_ He inquired, causing an immediate defensive wall to build up within me.

"I don't think that's any of your business really" I retorted, staring straight ahead. I could sense Spencer's narrow eyes, but didn't pay much attention to them.

"_Actually, it is. If you're running on an empty stomach then that could be the source of your anger" _He responded.

"Well let's add that to the list of possibilities than" I shot back, getting more irritated as Spencer pushed the subject.

"_Have you eaten today?" _He asked again. I could have easily lied and said yes, but instead I stayed silent.

"_You know you could pass out while singing, right?"_ He added.

"I won't pass out Spencer, I'll be fine" I groaned. I had always preformed on stage and in concerts during a fast, and I never ran into any huge issues. Well, until I blacked out during the opening night of Les Miserables. But I dismissed that.

"_You're organs are essentially eating themselves to get the nutrients your body is lacking. Eventually starving can lead to organ failure or even shut down completely-" _He began to ramble, but I cut him off.

"Spencer I don't need you to try and scare me into doing something I don't want to by giving me information I already know. It's not going to change anything. Now can you just stop badgering me and leave me alone?" I fumed just as Spencer pulled into a parking spot and the car came to a screeching halt.

"_What the hell has gotten into you? I'm your authority figure and you cannot speak to me like that" _He snapped back, baffled at my sudden 'rebellious behavior' as he would later call it.

"Can we just drop this? I really don't need the extra stress right now" I purposed, still extensively aggravated, but wanting to end the debacle. I felt tears spark behind my eyes. I do admit I was being a tad over dramatic.

Spencer must have sensed my upset, because he said nothing and got out of the car. We walked through the school doors closest to the auditorium, and were greeted by part the team. They were a few of the only people in the lobby, mainly because the concert wasn't scheduled to start for another forty five minutes.

"_Well would you look at that" _Derek flashed his perfectly white teeth in my direction, turning the heads of the other two agents. I plastered on an artificial smile, trying to push the tension between Spencer and I out of my head.

"_My Munchkin you are absolutely stunning!" _Garcia gushed, as expected.

"_Wow, you look gorgeous!" _Emily joined in.

"Thanks guys" I giggled.

"_Rossi, Hotch, and JJ went to go grab us seats. It's filling up in there pretty fast" _Derek informed me. I nodded my head in response.

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I really need to get warmed up. I'll see you guys later" I announced and scurried off. I heard a round of 'goodbye's' and 'break a leg's' on my way to the choir room, where I was sucked into the crowd of dressed up teenagers. The three choirs were separated to different parts of the room, and then each voice section split up as well. I stood next to Ari, as usual, and we all warmed up our voices with a series of vocal exercises.

The three choirs were as followed:

Choral Ensemble- Freshman girls only.

Concert Choir- Sophomore, Junior, senior girls, and freshman, sophomore, junior, senior boys.

Camerata- Sophomore, Junior and senior boys and girls. It was by audition only, and only the best of the best got in.

Ari and I were in Camerata, as well as Matthew. However, Matthew also took on Concert Choir, just because he could. It wasn't uncommon for students to be in more than one chorus class, but it was a hell of a lot of work. The thereof us barely got the chance to mingle before we were sent into the auditorium.

Choral Ensemble preformed a lovely mix of 5 songs while the rest of the choirs and audience watched from our reserved seats.

As they exited the risers, I stepped up with the rest of Camerata and took my designated spot next to Ari. We sang our first 5 songs, ranging from a piece in Latin, to one in Swahili, to an old Jazz-style, to "And so it Goes" by Billy Joel, and an original piece written by a fellow music student. It then came time for out sixth and final song, our rendition of "Shambala" by Three Dog Night.

"_Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain, with the rain in Shambala. Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame, with the rain in Shambala"_ The first soloist sang, a cappella. She walked back to her spot as the crowd applauded, and the piano and drums started up. The entire chorus repeated the lines, a bounce in our step. We sang a sting of ah's and oh's and yeah's in four party harmony.

"_Everyone is helpful, everyone is kind on the road to Shambala. Everyone is lucky, everyone is so kind on the road to Shambala..." _ We continued. While another round of ah's and such commenced, I stepped down off the top row and to the microphone just in front of the first line of seats. The team was exactly three ranks back, grinning from ear to ear. Before I knew it, it was my cue.

"How does your light shine in the halls of Shambala!"

" How does your light shine in the halls of Shambala!" I belted in a gospel sort of tone, the music pumping adrenaline through my body. Usually, belting was a no no in the eyes of Mrs. Bates, but she gave me her blessing.

I hurried back to my section while the crowd erupted. The song went on, verse after verse sung by the entire choir. We finished with a bang, then exited back to our seats. We received a round of applause, and then Concert Choir took the reins. I felt as though my crankiness had been lifted off of my shoulders, performing had a tendency to relieve any pending negative emotion I had at the time. I felt as though I could breathe again.

Concert Choir preformed four songs, as Matthew had already informed me on, but I was puzzled when they remained standing after their last song ended. Then I saw Matthew step down from the crowd and sit down at the piano. A microphone was adjusted to reach his mouth, which confused me even more.

"_Hi everyone. Many of you may think this is out of the ordinary from our usual concert, and you're right, it is"_ He said, rolling up his sleeves.

"_this song is dedicated to Jenna Reid" _He tacked on, and suddenly dozens of head whipped around and stared at me, including the team. My eyes widened and my face blushed.

"What...?" I accidently said out loud. My stomach dropped to the floor.

His fingers danced on the keys, a tune I was sure I had heard before. Once his smooth voice began to sing, I recognized the song for what it was.

"_She's got a way about her, I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her..."_

I almost had to pinch myself, I couldn't believe it.

"_She's got a way of pleasin', I don't know what it is, but there doesn't have to be a reason anyway"_

Hold on. Was I actually being serenaded in front of five hundred people with a Billy Joel song? The answer is yes, yes I was.

"_She's got a smile that heals me, I don't know why it is, but I have to laugh when she reveals me..."_

The chorus commenced in singing a round of back up 'ooo's and 'ahhh's, adding to the overall beauty of the song itself, and even more to what was going on.

"_She's got a way of talkin', I don't know why it is, but it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere"_

I was still ultimately frazzled. I couldn't refrain the muscles in my mouth from turning upwards.

"_She comes to me when I'm feelin' down, Inspires me without a sound she touches me and I get turned around"_

"_She's got a way of showin' how I make her feel and I find the strength to keep on goin'. She's got a light around her and ev'rywhere she goes a million dreams of love surround her ev'rywhere"_

My chest was pounding hard enough to raise concern. I took a moment to peel my eyes off of Matthew to glance over at the team in the section next to me, and I couldn't help but laugh. Garcia had her hand to her chest with tear sin her eyes, Derek was grinning and winked in my direction, Hotch was whispering to Rossi, Emily was smiling ear to ear, and Spencer was dumbfounded. Typical reactions.

"_She comes to me when I'm feelin' down, Inspires me without a sound she touches me and I get turned around ohhh"_

The piano slowed.

"_She's got a smile that heals me. I don't know why it is, but I have to laugh when she reveals me. She's got a way about her, I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her anyway"_ He sang his final note, and the audience applauded. He looked me straight in the eye from the bench that was at least fifteen feet away, and the two of us smiled. I could feel my eyes moisten, but in the good way.

The lights blacked out, and everyone stood up from their seats and began exiting the auditorium. I tried to find Matthew in the frenzy of people, but had no such luck until we were shooed to the choir room.

He was standing in the center of the room when I walked in.

I stopped, we locked eyes, and I picked up pace towards him. I halted when we came face to face, and then punched him in the shoulder.

"You really just did that?" I said after we both giggled. He shook his head yes. He placed his hand on the small of my back and pulled me in so there was virtually no space between our torsos. We examined each other's faces just inches apart. I could feel his breath warm my skin, and I knew what was coming next.

"I'm wearing lipstick" I spoke, adding a small comedic tone to the romantic one at hand.

Suddenlyhis lips met mine with just enough tenderness to make our surroundings disappear. I brought my hand to his cheek, feeling the freshly shaved surface.

"_Ow ow!"_ a voice broke through from the crowd. Matthew and I couldn't help but laugh mid kiss, which ended up pulling us apart.

Our hands intertwined, and we proceeded to walk out of the choir room and towards the lobby.

"Um, as much as I'd love for you to walk me out, I don't think you want to be caught in the clutches of the team" I assumed, earning a chuckle out of him.

"_If you say so" _he replied.

"_I'll see you tomorrow" _he promised, and he kissed the top of my scalp. Butterflies went wild inside of my stomach.

"If you're lucky" I smirked as he exited through the side door of the music hall. I stood still for a moment to get a better feel for the ground, since I was still expecting it all to be a dream. I then headed into the horde of parents and relatives, taking a few minutes to locate the team.

"_Jenna!"_ I heard Emily's voice peak through, and her hand wave me over.

"_Well, that was one hell of a show" _Rossi stated. I nodded my head in agreement and grinned.

"_That was so disgustingly romantic I feel like I just read a Nicholas Sparks novel" _Garcia gushed.

"_And I thought chivalry was dead" _Emily threw in.

"_that makes two of us" _JJ joined.

"_Does this kid have any idea what he's getting himself into?"_ Derek questioned, referring to Matthew not only throwing himself into my world, but also to a team of FBI profilers.

"_I'm going to need to have a sit down with him. I'd like to issue a background check and I expect full cooperation from the both of you"_ Spencer informed me, being his overprotective-self.

I couldn't do more than giggle and smile. Eventually, after everyone had made it obvious that they would want to meet him pronto so they could 'approve', Spencer and I headed to the car. We were silent for the most part, but no tension or strain.

When we got home, we simply retreated to our bedrooms without words, but I didn't mind. We both had to process the night, and I was more than happy to do so.


	50. Chapter 50

AN: Hey! I'm so glad you liked the last chapter, I was so unsure of it! You're reviews make me happy :) anyway, this is chapter 50! (damn, 50 already?)

Chapter 50

"_Don't worry so much, it's only an audition"_ Spencer repeated for the tenth time that hour on our car ride to the studio. It was the Saturday of Swan Lake auditions, and needless to say I was a nervous wreck.

"Easy for you to say" I huffed back, taping the first two toes on my left foot together. I also covered any blisters or cuts, making sure my feet would perform up to par without extensive discomfort.

"_Do you have to do that in the car?"_ Spencer cringed, glancing at my activity.

"Spenc, you look at crime scenes all day and you're skeeved out by my feet?" I replied with a glare.

"_Right now they don't look too different" _He muttered. I chuckled and slapped his arm playfully, which was potentially dangerous because he was driving on a packed road. I felt a bit more relaxed, for all of ten seconds.

"_Good luck!" _He shouted out the car window as we pulled up to the studio and I bolted from the car. I stepped foot in the door and became submerged in a swarm of teenage boys and girls dressed in a variety of leotards and warm ups. I myself was wearing nude tights, as per usual, and a black long-sleeved turtleneck leotard. My sandy hair was pulled back into a tight bun with enough of gel and hairspray to choke a horse.

We weren't allowed in the actual class room, so we were all held in the lobby area, which was quite small I may add. I shuffled through the small crowd and dropped my bag in a spare corner. I slipped on my toe pads and then my pointe shoes, lacing them up tight enough for security, but not too much to cause restriction.

"_All of you, in!"_ Alexandra, my pointe instructor and director of the ballet shouted just after swinging the door opened. The lot of us flew in and lined up at the barre, internally quaking.

I was throwing myself to the wolves. The wolves being a pair of the most critical, vicious, bitter, pompous, dance instructors that had outlived their fifteen minutes of fame at various companies. I was terrified.

_xXxXx_

"_Hey how'd it go?"_ Spencer asked as he leaned against his blue Volvo and I approached, finally released from nearly four hours of intensive physical activity and frightening teachers shouting.

"I don't want to talk about it" I huffed and threw my bag in the back seat, then crashing down into the passengers.

"_That bad?"_ He winced, starting up the old clunker. I nodded my head. I moped the entire way home.

"I didn't jump high enough on my pas de ciseaux" I puffed as I emerged from my bedroom after changing into a sweater and a pair of leggings. I was sure Spencer had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned ballet terms, but I continued anyway.

"_And_ I fell out of a pirouette. A pirouette! I've been doing those since I was seven!" I ranted and plopped down on the sofa, Spencer in the kitchen.

"Alexandra said she was 'disappointed in my performance' and that 'I could have done much better'" I raged in a Russian accent, imitating my brutal instructor.

"_Well do you have any competition?"_ He asked from the other room.

"Eugenia" I sneered, rolling my eyes.

"_Eugenia?" _He repeated, making sure he heard correctly.

"Yep, Eugenia. She's one of Alexandra's favorites, although I don't see why. Alexandra has to constantly correct her arms and she doesn't land jumps correctly" I explained.

"Oh, and when we were at the barre she purposely kicked me in the forehead during an adage! I mean who does that?" I raged on. Spencer came into view and handed me a cup of steaming coffee, knowing it was probably the only way to calm me down even slightly.

"You read my mind, thanks" I replied, taking the cup into hand and sipping in lightly.

"_No problem" _he relied, sitting opposite me.

"_Just because you screwed up doesn't mean a role is out the window, right?" _He encouraged as I ran my ringer around the ring of my mug.

"I guess" I shrugged my shoulders, letting out a sigh.

"_What do you say, Star Trek or Doctor Who?"_ Spencer proposed, scrolling through the DVR.

"Oof, I'm gonna have to go with Doctor Who" I decided, my pout lessening. Normally, I would have retreated into my bedroom and sulked for the rest of the day, but I was trying to make Spencer believe I was 'okay' so he would get off my back about seeing a shrink, but I wasn't sure my efforts would really make a difference. Also, Matthew's gesture just three days before still had butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

We sat for a few hours, reciting almost every word to three separate episodes we had already seen dozens of times. I loosened up a bit, sinking into the nerd part of me and pushing the competitive perfectionist side to the back of my mind.

"_So, what do you want to do for your birthday?"_ Spencer piped up as the episode came to a close.

"Oh, I don't know, it's a month away" I replied.

"_35 days actually"_ He specified, receiving a half smile from my end.

"I don't know, nothing big though. Matthew and Ari wanted to take me out for a day of 'you're not allowed to know' fun, but I talked them out of it" I laughed, recalling the argument between the three of us on how I wouldn't go anywhere unless I knew what was going on.

"_Speaking of Matthew, I think we need to have a talk" _Spencer said hesitantly, shutting off the television. I internally panicked, our 'talks' never ended well.

"Oh no, what now?" I grimaced, dropping my head backwards so it leaned against the back of the couch. Spencer readjusted himself stiffly.

"_I-I've never had to have this conversation before, so please bear with me" _He warned, causing more confusion from my end.

"What is it?" I inquired, curious and slightly worried. He slid the tip of his tongue between his lips, preparing for speech. He looked rather uncomfortable.

"_Um, so uh, being that you're a teenager and n-now in a relationship, you're going to have a lot of um, urges" _Spencer began, and I immediately knew what he was getting at. My eyes widened like a deer in the headlights and my jaw loosened.

"no no no no no, I am not having this conversation" I shook my head rapidly. Having the sex talk with Spencer not only sounded incredibly awkward, but equally horrifying.

"_Jenna really-" _He pushed, but I didn't give him time to finish.

"Nope, not happening. Sorry Spenc, it's just too weird" I threw my hands up.

"_Jenna it's important that you know to-" _He tried to continue, but I squeezed my eyes shut and plugged my ears with my index fingers like a small child.

"La la la la la I can't hear you!" I let out, mentally picturing Spencer getting frustrated.

"_Come on Jenna" _He repeated, and I peaked open one eye and slowly pulled my fingers from my ears, figuring I'd give him a chance.

"_Okay. Now, it is crucial that if you do decide to uh, engage in sexual activity-" _He began yet again, but I lost it and a chuckle slipped out

"Alright I'm sorry I can't do this" I giggled. I unfolded myself and stood up from the couch, against Spencer's wishes.

"_We're going to need to have this discussion some time!"_ He shouted after me as I made my way to my bedroom.

"Not a chance!" I yelled back, shutting my door and collapsing onto my bed.


	51. Chapter 51

AN: Hey! So this is chapter 51. I'll be on vacation from Thursday to Sunday so I'm not sure when the next update will be, but hopefully I will be able to write and post within that time! Just giving fair warning. So, I hope you enjoy this one!

Chapter 51

"_Jenna, eat" _Spencer said forcefully while nudging the plate of scrambled eggs with a two slices of bacon on the side.

"I already told you, _I'm not hungry"_ I repeated for the third time. He was holding me hostage at the kitchen table, bright and early on a Wednesday morning.

"_You're body needs fuel"_ He stared me in the eye and leaned forward.

"I don't have time for this, I'm going to be late for school" I announced, grabbing the shoulder strap from my bag and standing up.

"_Sit down I'll drive you" _Spencer declared sternly. The two of us had been on edge for the past couple of days, but it was mostly my fault. I felt as if I was walking in a fog. My patience was wearing thin, I was constantly snapping at every little thing that ticked me off, I guess you could say my overall personality was taking a turn for the worst.

There was no particular reason, no outside influence. Only that I was letting my head envelope me in whatever it sought fit.

I could argue and say it was the increased stress from school and the anticipation of the cast list for Swan Lake being revealed in just three days, but I would only be lying to myself.

I sat back down with my arms crossed. "Eggs are extremely high in sodium and cholesterol, and also by eating them I run the risk of contracting salmonella" I began so matter-of-factly. "Bacon is dangerously high in fat and is incredibly processed, not to mention has been known increase the possibility of hypertension, CVD, COPD, asthma, and strokes." I explained. I was sure Spencer would come back with a contradicting my findings. To him I might have been acting irrational, but to me I was being just the opposite.

"_Bacon is a major source of complete protein and a single serving of bacon can meet nearly 5% of total day's requirement. It's also rich in iron and helps prevent anemia. It contains a substantial amount of amino acids which aid in brain function"_

"_The folic acid and vitamin B12 present in eggs facilitate cell regeneration and prevent the occurrence of breast cancer. They're a good source of protein, omega-3, and calcium. They contain heart healthy cholesterol, and besides I doubt that we have to worry about you having high blood pressure. The vitamin A they also enclose have been known to support healthy hair and eyesight"_ Spencer shot back information I already knew, but purposely ignored. I sat across from him with a hard expression, making sure not to crack my poker face and scream.

"_Eat or else I'll take your phone away"_ He purposed.

"Go ahead" I replied, knowing it was an empty threat and shrugging my shoulders. He narrowed his eyes and tapped his index finger and the solid wood surface.

"_You're malnourished Jenna, you're destroying your body"_ He reported, no change in his demeanor. I scoffed and threw my head back, letting out a groan.

"Oh come on, I am not malnourished Spencer. Don't exaggerate" I retorted, standing up out of my seat once again, not glancing at his figure.

"I'm going to be late for school" I declared for the second time, looking at the clock and realizing if I didn't leave then I would miss my bus.

"_What's gotten into you lately?"_ Spencer stated angrily, and I stood still thinking of an answer.

"That's a great question, I'll get back to you on that" I replied faintly snotty. Just as I was turning around to escape the apartment, Spencer grabbed me by the forearm. I winced at the initial shot of pain it caused when his palm collided with the two day old cuts, covered by the fabric of my school uniform. He pushed up my sleeve, unveiling the deep wounds trying their best to heal. I yanked myself away as fast as I could, but not fast enough.

Spencer's face reflected a mixture of anger, hurt, and confusion.

"_I thought we talked about this"_ He said wearily.

"Just because we talk about something doesn't make the issue magically disappear" I retorted. I began to scare myself. I felt no guilt at the obvious pain in Spencer's face, and I had no problem talking back at his expense. I wasn't taking his feelings into account, no matter how hard I tried. I turned into an entirely different person when I was angry.

"_That's it, I'm making you an appointment with a shrink"_ He gave up as I made my way to storm out of the apartment. I hesitated with my hand on the doorknob, then jerk it opened and journeyed to my bus stop.

My adrenaline wore off on the ride to school, and I went right back to feeling like a self-centered child. I despised myself for being so temperamental and losing control of my emotions, but I couldn't help it. It was as if something was taking over my being, and I was too weak to fight it off.

"_There she is"_ Matthew greeted me at my locker with a large grin, planting a quick kiss on my lips. It had been just about a week since his gesture at the winter concert, and butterfly's still went wild in the pit of my stomach every time I saw him. My mood couldn't help but heighten in his presence. He was the only person who could make me feel like Jenna. He made sure I know it was entirely okay to show every side of me, dark and light. He accepted those parts, too.

"Well hello to you too" I giggled, shoving my English book into my messenger bag. My smile turned into a frown when I touched the pendant of my necklace, recalling how nasty I was to Spencer less than a half hour ago.

"_What's wrong?"_ Matthew asked, catching my dissociation. I took a deep breath and shut my lockers.

"Just had another fight with Spencer" I confessed turning to him and leaning against the banks. He traced his index finger up and down my upper arm calmly, sending chills up my spine. It was a habit he adopted when I got worked up or distressed.

"_Well what was it about?"_ He asked harmlessly. I paused before answering, debating whether to actually tell him or lie through my teeth.

"Uhm, the whole uh, food thing again..." I admitted, staring at the ground and wiggling my toes within my shoes.

Matthew didn't answer, giving me a moment to continue again. I knew my self-destructive behavior impacted him harshly, but he took pride in consoling me. He liked taking care of me, watching over me, making sure I was okay. It felt nice to have that sense of worth.

"He's sending me to a shrink, and I think he's serious this time" I laughed nervously. Spencer had threatened me with the whole 'you're-going-to-therapy-whether-you-like-it-or-no t' gig three times before, but I could tell it was his fourth and final stand.

"_Is that such a bad thing? I mean, maybe it's a 'blessing in disguise' so to speak"_ Matthew piped up. He was right, maybe it wouldn't be too bad.

"I guess so" I sighed and stood up straight. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head, and we proceeded down the hallway.


	52. Chapter 52

AN: Hey! Clearly I have found time to write during my trip, halleluiah! I'll probably update again within the next few days, I have the next chapter planned out and it may take a bit to write. But have no fear, I will get it to you ASAP! Anyway, I hope you like this chapter!

Chapter 52

I sat in the seemingly brand new burgundy leather loveseat, picking at my irritated cuticles. The sound of the clock ticking was the only entity keeping the room from dead silence. I wiggled my toes uncomfortably in my black oxfords, feeling my chest rise and fall with each breathe.

Spencer got his wish, he pushed me into therapy. But just because he got me there didn't mean I had to talk.

Sue, my middle aged shrink, sat in the chair parallel to me and tapped her pen on the yellow notepad sitting in her lap.

"_So Jenna, Spencer tells me your mother passed away when you were young"_ Sue stated, taking off her large framed glasses.

"_That must be really hard for you" _She added. I could feel her eyes on me, just as I had for the past thirty three minutes and twenty four seconds. I kept my gaze pointed downward, shrugging my shoulders.

"_Well, that's the most I've gotten out of you in the past half hour. I guess that's a step forward" _Sue sighed patiently. I fought off the laugh I felt coming up, determined to hold my hostile ground.

I fiddled with the chipping paint on my nails, waiting for time to pass.

"_Don't you think it's a bit chilly outside for what you're wearing?"_Sue piped up. I had on a pair of black high waisted shorts, tights underneath, and a long sleeved black and white striped scoop neck to top it off.

Truth is, it was too cold for the outfit. I was freezing actually. But that morning I had reached my new lowest weight of 101.7 pounds, BMI of 16.9. I could feel my knobby hip bones through my semi-thick bottoms, and if I was careful I could almost each one of my ribs. I caught myself feeling them as a sense of comfort, just to know they're there.

I was having a good body image day to say the least. Usually if I was around Spencer, or the team even, I would cover up as much as possible to prevent them from saying anything. But I was proud of my progress, although I still had some work to do.

_Just three more pounds. _

For a moment I forgot I was in Sue's office, lost in a whirl wind of numbers and measurements within my own head. It didn't matter though, I wasn't answering her questions anyway.

I listened to the clock tick on and on. It seemed to be moving at a snail pace. After what seemed like hours, the hands finally struck 5:30pm.

"Oh, it looks like our time is up. It was nice meeting you, have a nice weekend" I stood up and said in a genuine polite tone, presumably surprising Sue with my newly found vocal chords.

I step out into the waiting room to see Spencer reading a case file, as per usual.

"_Hey how'd it go?"_ He asked, standing up and pushing the manila folder into his messenger bag. I looked at him with one eye brow raised and my arms crossed, and shortly took off to the car.

Spencer stayed behind talking to Sue, probably about my lack of speech throughout the entire session.

"_Ya know, you might actually get something out of this if you actually made an effort to talk" _Spencer announced while climbing into the vehicle and starting the engine. He didn't seem angry, or annoyed, more of informative.

I didn't reply, but stared out the window for a majority of the ride home. Spencer kept glancing at the road, then to me, then the road, then back to me again. I pretended to ignore it, but really it was ticking me off.

"_Why are you so quiet?"_ Spencer broke the silence with a skeptic tone.

"I don't know, long day at school I guess" I lied.

"_What's been up with you lately? You haven't been yourself for a while" _He declared.

He was right, I wasn't myself. Each day, _she_ took another inch of me captive. _She_ was not only a voice in the back of my mind anymore, but an entity much bigger than me. _She_ controlled me, whether I liked it or not. I rarely ever got away from her, and when I did it was only because I was with someone strong enough to overpower her.

That person being Matthew.

"I'm still me" I stated in the most 'Jenna-like' tone I could scrounge up. He glared at me, detecting my deficient amount of truth.

"_I need to stop at the BAU and pick up a few files, and I think the team really wants to see you" _Spencer switched the topic quickly.

"Oh, a-alright sounds good" I agreed, unfolding the overhead mirror and checking my appearance. I fixed my smudged eyeliner and ran my fingers through any knots that resided in my hair, strands detaching form my scalp and interweaving themselves between my fingers. The only downside to having hair down to my backside was the easiness it took to screw it up. One gust of wind and I have a tangled mess.

The car came to a halt and we made our way up to the BAU in silence. Spencer pushed opened the glass doors and we flooded into the nearly empty bullpen. I immediately spotted Emily at her desk, Garcia ranting next to it, and Derek leaning back in his chair with his feet up on his desk across from Emily's. I assumed JJ was in her office, and the same went for Hotch and Rossi.

"_Hey Reid's, what brings you two here on a Friday night? I thought we sent pretty boy home already" _Derek grinned, receiving one form my as well.

"Boy genius forgot some files" I mocked.

"_Of course he did" _Emily joined in with slight chuckle.

Garcia, who I didn't know disappeared in the first place, all of a sudden greeted me with cup of black coffee in a blue mug with the FBI emblem plastered across it.

"You know me so well, thanks Garcia" I said while taking the cup into my hands.

"_Anything for my munchkin"_ She replied. I pulled up a chair from one of the surrounding vacant desks and sat down with the other agents.

"_So Mini-Reid, how's that boy friend of yours? Treating you well I hope?"_ Derek questioned.

"He's great, and don't worry, he's treating better than I probably deserve" I confessed, not able to fight off the smile that forced itself onto my face.

"_He better be nothing short of that, or else I have to bash his head in" _Derek replied. Garcia punched him full force in the arm.

"_Derek Morgan must you be so violent?"_ She reprimanded him.

"_You're the one who just hurled your fist into my shoulder!"_ Derek defended, rubbing the area.

"_They really are something"_ Emily muttered to me as I sipped my coffee.

"They sure are" I giggled back.

"_Alright alright, I'll hold off hurting this kid until I get to know him. When can we all meet him?"_ Derek inquired.

"Oh uh, n-next weekend maybe?" I blurted out without thinking.

"_Next weekend it is!"_ Emily declared. As much as I wanted Matthew to meet the team, I didn't want them to scare him off. Although it was highly unlikely for Matthew to skedaddle out of my life because of a group of six FBI agents practically interrogating him, the threat still stood in the back of my mind.

"_ooo why not tomorrow! I'm dying to meet this boy!" _Garcia pleaded.

"Can't, the cast results for Swan Lake go up tomorrow and if things don't turn out well I won't be very fun to hang around" I quickly shot back. "Besides, I think he'll need time to prepare for whatever you guys throw at him" I added in jokingly.

"_Oh come on, we won't be that harsh!"_Emily defended. I raised my brow and slapped on an expression to conflict her statement.

"_Okay yeah you're right" _She mumbled.

"_Alright, time to go Jenna"_ Spencer popped out of nowhere.

"Oh uh, alright. Bye guys" I waved on my way to the glass doors beside Spencer.

"_Goodbye!"_

"_Good luck with Swan Lake! Fingers crossed!"_

"_I hope all goes well!" _

We exited the building and embarked on another silent car ride, and I went to bed that night with my nerves getting the best of me.


	53. Chapter 53

AN: Hey! I'm so so sooooo sorry this took so long. My trip got extended an extra day and then I had a ton of appointments, then a concert, then my birthday, then work, and now we're here. Anyway, I began this chapter as the episode Amplification, but I found myself having a ton of trouble with it, so I'm skipping the actual Spencer-anthrax-close-to-death thing and just touching upon it. So, I really hope you like this chapter!

OH and as for Ana goes: I decided to sort of boot her out of the story because it was too difficult for me to incorporate her, Ari, AND Matthew, so I just narrowed it down to Ari and Matthew. :)

P.S. As of this week I am being homeschooled for the remainder of the year, so I should have more time to write! :)

Chapter 53

I stepped into the studio with my nerves running wild. The cast list for Swan Lake was scheduled to go up smack in the middle of my partnering class, and I was a wreck. Not only had I tanked my audition two weeks before, but I also had a great deal of competition.

I wore a plain black leotard, a white wrap sweater, and nude tights of course. As I stepped into class, I noticed everyone was just as anxious as I was. Stiff smiles, deep breathing, the whole nine yards. I slipped my pointe shoes on and took my place at the barre and began to stretch, hoping it would loosen up my tense mind.

It didn't.

"_Alright guys, I know everyone is bugging out about the cast list, but I still expect you all to dance to the best of your abilities. And no, I will not dismiss you early"_ Our instructor Leah announced, to the students dismay.

"_Now, first position" _She clapped and demanded, sending class into full swing. Everyone's eyes glanced at the clock every seven seconds. It was actually very dangerous you see, because when you're lifting people in the air and such, one mistake could land you a trip to the emergency room. Thankfully, it never got to that point, but the risk was enough.

After what felt likes days, but was only an hour total, Leah let us go.

A swarm of girls in tight buns and boys in tights rushed out of the room, but I stayed behind. I slowly removed my toe shoes and slipped on my keds, hearing an array of shrieks from the lobby. I stood up and slipped on a pair of grey sweatpants that bunched at the knee.

"_Aren't you going to check the list?"_ Leah urged as I gathered my belongings.

"Oh, uh of course, j-just waiting for the crown to clear" I stuttered. Truth is, I was trying to prepare myself for not seeing my name on the list.

"_It should be clear by now"_ She replied.

"Oh, thanks. I'll see you next week" I shot back and made my way to the lobby. A few girls were crying hysterically, some were jumping up and down, and some were just pouting. As I walked closer, I received a collection of stares, making my anxiety spike even higher.

"_Congratulations Jenna"_ My biggest competition, Eugenia, smiled and patted me on the shoulder as I passed. I looked at her with a sense of confusion, but moments later that was all fixed.

There at the top of the list:

_Swan Queen-Odette/Odile- Jenna Reid_

It took all the power within me not to squeal and go off the wall. I had doubted myself to the point where I wasn't even expecting to see my name, but I did indeed. And I was the lead ballerina role. I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders, and a substantial amount of stress went with it.

The role, or roles I should say, ahead of me were heavy. Difficult choreography, mass amounts of time, and psychologically stimulating. I guess every part a person takes on toys with their mind. Television actors, movie actors, stage actors, and dancers, they all fell victim to their character.

I snapped out of my trace-like state and turned around, receiving hugs and such from the other girls. I bolted out of the studio and quickly made my way back to the apartment on foot. Spencer had been in the hospital just days before, and driving was a big no no for at least a week. I didn't know the reason for Spencer's sudden hospitalization, and it made me quite frustrated to say the least. Derek, Emily, even Garcia refused to tell me. They claimed it was 'against protocol', but that only made me more curious. My brother, well technically half-brother, was put into a situation that put his body through such distress that he landed in a paper gown, and everyone seemed to know why but me.

I somehow fiddled my keys into the lock and turned them with haste, stumbling into the short hallway of the apartment.

"Spence, I'm home!" I shouted, throwing my bag onto the floor next to the couch. I heard a collection of voices coming from the kitchen, and after my short internal panic, journeyed to check it out.

Of course, it was the team, minus Hotch. No surprise there.

"_Hey Mini-Reid, we were just talkin' about you"_ Derek flashed his signature smile, while I just sort of stood there mortified by my appearance. The team had seen me in my dance attire before, but I also happened to be a sweaty mess. A black leotard under a light pink wrap cropped sweater, tights, and the sweats I slipped on caused me to overheat quicker than usual. It didn't help that I had stray hairs dangling from my bun, and a makeup less face.

"Oh joy" I said sarcastically and rolled my eyes.

"Why is it that you guys are always here? I mean, no offense, but I seem to see you more than my own pillow" I joked, and thankfully they found it funny too. Part of me was growing tired of constantly having the team at every turn, I felt like I was constantly under a microscope. They incessantly analyzed my facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and not to mention food habits.

Maybe I was being paranoid, or maybe I was seeing everything exactly as it was. I found the line between the two was easily blurred.

"_Just checking in on Boy Wonder, and my munchkin of course"_ Garcia replied behind her to-go cup of coffee. I grinned and made my way to the coffee pot, pouring myself a decent sized cup and adding four splenda's.

"_Ah, I've taught you well" _Emily smirked when she saw my sugar of choice. She originally turned me onto splenda actually, and at zero calories I was more than happy to utilize my new discovery.

"Any other sugar would be a crime" I shot back while hoisting myself up onto the counter between Emily and JJ.

The room went silent. I looked up from my mug out of awkwardness, and noticed all eyes were on me. I darted my sight from agent to agent, hoping at least one of them was as clueless as I, but had no such luck.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"_What do you mean what? Swan Lake! How did it go?!" _Garcia half-shouted.

"Oh! Oh, yeah that" I responded with each pair of eyes still on me.

"I got the Swan Queen" I said casually, trying not to sound too pompous.

A group _"What!"_ ensued of course, causing me to chuckle slightly.

"_Jenna, that's amazing!" _Emily gushed.

"_First Fantine, now this? I've gotta hand it to you Jenna, you're abilities aren't seen every day"_ Rossi cut in.

Garcia just sort of ran at me with small squeals and pulled me into a tight bear hug.

"_PG try not to crush the girl, she actually needs her body to dance" _JJ laughed.

"_Wow Jenna, I'm really proud of you. That's not an easy part to dance from what I'm familiar with" _Spencer spoke up from the kitchen table.

"_Damn Mini-Reid, exactly how many talents do you have hidden in that tiny little body of yours?" _Derek concluded. I gave my usual giggle, but really all I could think about was how this body of mine was not tiny by any means, but swollen and plump.

I didn't respond to anyone, just smiled, laughed, and nodded my head.

"_Hey, how about we go out for some celebratory pizza? Bill's on me"_ Derek offered, and my internal panic immediately ensued.

"Oh, no, really we don't have to. It's just a part" I pleaded.

"_Nah, I insist. Everyone in?" _He shook off my protest, and an array of 'yes's' followed. Before I had time to open my mouth, I was being led out the door by the crowd. I didn't even get the chance to change.

We arrived at the small pizzeria around the corner from the apartment and pushed two tables together. Everyone sat down and began to chat, while my head was running rapid.

_It's okay Jenna, it's just a slice of pizza. No one ever died from a slice of pizza. Don't freak yourself out, it'll all be fine._ _Oh who are you kidding, don't ingest that garbage. You may as well just glue it to your ass 'cause that's exactly where it's going._

My mind was being especially cruel. I tried deep breaths, leg tapping, anything to make the anxiety go away, but nothing worked.

Derek arrived moments later with two large pies, and dumped a huge slice on my plate.

Conversation was buzzing around me, but all I could focus on was the horror in front of me. I examined the plate before me, gazing at the obscene amount of grease and cheese that was falling off of the sauce covered dough. I felt my heart rate speed up as I picked up the steaming slice. I felt my stomach churn at the scent of it. I suddenly took an oversized bite out of it and chewed rapidly, taking in the collision of tastes.

One bite. One bite and I couldn't stop.

I practically inhaled the remaining bits, and then moved onto another. I finished two slices in under five minutes.

"_Damn Mini-Reid, I don't think I've ever seen you eat that much in the entire time I've known you" _Derek laughed, but I didn't find it funny. It set in what I had done. The calories I consumed, the fat, the grease. The temporary satisfaction I had gotten from the flavor combination had dwindled, and all that was left was a rock in the pit of my stomach and a surplus of guilt.

I laughed at Derek's comment, but I could tell Spencer and Emily knew how uncomfortable I was. They were the only two on the team that knew about my 'issue', to my knowledge at least.

"Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom" I stated and shot out of my seat and directly to the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and began rubbing my temples and whispering gibberish. I felt my eyes water, and I gazed at my appearance in the mirror.

"God dammit Jenna. You're so stupid. Why the hell did you do that? Pig" I rambled. After taking a good hard look at myself, I knew what I had to do.

I got down on my knees, rather disgusted by the condition of the grimy washroom. I took a deep breath, and swiftly slid four fingers down my throat. Three pokes, two gags, and a cough later, up came half-digested pizza. I continued to jab the back of my throat and heave my lunch into the disgusting toilet until all that came up was stomach acid and blood. After I finished, I took another look at myself.

Puffy face, bloodshot eyes, a small spray of vomit on my left cheek. I was even uglier than before.

My knuckles were red and irritated, indented with the outline of my teeth.

And although I had put myself through such a draining last resort, I still didn't feel any better. I was still mentally ill, fat Jenna. Nothing had changed but the feeling in my stomach.

Whoever said eating disorders were glamorous was sorely mistaken.


End file.
